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Medication / Pregabalin

« on: May 08, 2015, 08:09:16 PM »

I've been on fluoxetine (Prozac) for 14 years but recently it hasn't been affective on its own. I tried Quetiapine which didn't seem to work and have now been prescribed pregabalin  (lyrica). The psychiatrist I have is extremely experienced so I assume he knows what he is doing. The problem is the expense of this drug. I am fortunate in that in the uk I have the NHS but have been made aware that one month of pregabalin is costing the NHS about £500!! I have been paying prescription fees (£8.20) all these years for Prozac which costs v v little but still! I feel unworthy of this expensive medication especially as I'm yet to see any improvement with my anxiety. Does anyone else have experience with pregabalin? I wonder if we didn't give quetiapine enough of a go!? (That is very cheap too). I'd never considered that I would be prescribed something do costly!

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General Discussion / Desperate need

« on: May 08, 2015, 07:44:57 PM »

Hi Im completely new here and wondered if i could share a problem im having to see if it is something any of you are also experiencing. I cant seem to understand it or help it.
The issue is that i fall to pieces when with caring motherly women. Feeling SAFE and cared for makes me dissolve. Its terrible. Today i was attending a class at our recovery college on journaling. It is a lovely safe feeling environment and the teacher is so caring. I couldn't control my need. My child. I felt myself go small and panicked. I got tearful and detached. I excused myself form the class and the teacher came out to see if i was ok. I was shaking and crying and clinging on to her for dear life. HELP. HOLD ME. DONT EVER LEAVE ME. I hardly know this woman but her safe motherlyness brought out this MASSIVE uncontrollable feeling desperation. Its like an urge - like needing the loo or needing food. It is primal and i dont know how to control it. I am fine with strangers but with people i find safe i turn to jelly. These women all react calmly and seem untrubbled by me - they sit with me, hug me, tell me to breathe and that im safe. I think my behaviour is actually very tame compared with the wild feelings of NEED. It is causing me such distress though. My child jumps to the front and is desperate for comfort and my critic is screaming abuse for being week and needy and pathetic.
Any thoughts? All the stuff ive read so far seems to assume C-PTSD = inhibited/closed off reaction. I am the opposite completely. I cant stop talking about things and feeling and this child need for a 'mummy' is so powerful it makes me feel ill. I cant function when i always become an emotional wreck around people who are caring/safe/motherly. 

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Introductory Post / New here - a little about me

« on: May 08, 2015, 07:30:43 PM »

Hi!
I have just found this forum whilst searching for some more information/help with my difficulties. Following a MASSIVE amount of stress and loss during 2013, a 'final straw' that Christmas shattered my feeling of safety and i've been having massive difficulties ever since. I was having panic attacks at work, curling in a ball in my bosses office shaking and crying. TERROR. NOT SAFE. In August last year i was urged to take time off work as i was falling to pieces on them regularly and was clearly unwell. In December a psychiatric nurse suggested C-PTSD. She couldn't diagnose me as its not an officially recognised disorder yet but suggested i was suffering from that. I hadn't heard of C-PTSD before and bought the book C-PTSD from surviving to thriving. I also read all i could find online. Reading about it made me so excited. It fitted me and my difficulties exactly! I had 'a thing' i wasn't just broken and crazy!! I am RACING with memories and feelings and need. Emotions flying all over the place. Every trauma from the past surfaced at once and i felt all the feelings and memories. I can't hold it in, my ability to be professional and adult and coping has gone completely. I feel a  hideous feeling of being out of control. I have been in and out of mental health services since i was 11 (im now 32) with anxiety, suicidal thoughts and intent, severe anorexia... and see now that that may all have been aspects of C-PTSD. All the different ways i tried to manage my hurt. I feel there are three parts to myself. There is a child who is TERRIFIED and DESPERATE, a raging mess part who is self destructive, critical and frightening and there is a wise adult part who can be there for others, be clever and calm and rational and who until lately has provided a strong professional front. The adult is far back now. The child is screaming for help and the messy bit is giving me * for being such a mess and having need.
So that is maybe me in brief. I hope i haven't written too much