Hi!
I have just found this forum whilst searching for some more information/help with my difficulties. Following a MASSIVE amount of stress and loss during 2013, a 'final straw' that Christmas shattered my feeling of safety and i've been having massive difficulties ever since. I was having panic attacks at work, curling in a ball in my bosses office shaking and crying. TERROR. NOT SAFE. In August last year i was urged to take time off work as i was falling to pieces on them regularly and was clearly unwell. In December a psychiatric nurse suggested C-PTSD. She couldn't diagnose me as its not an officially recognised disorder yet but suggested i was suffering from that. I hadn't heard of C-PTSD before and bought the book C-PTSD from surviving to thriving. I also read all i could find online. Reading about it made me so excited. It fitted me and my difficulties exactly! I had 'a thing' i wasn't just broken and crazy!!

I am RACING with memories and feelings and need. Emotions flying all over the place. Every trauma from the past surfaced at once and i felt all the feelings and memories. I can't hold it in, my ability to be professional and adult and coping has gone completely. I feel a hideous feeling of being out of control. I have been in and out of mental health services since i was 11 (im now 32) with anxiety, suicidal thoughts and intent, severe anorexia... and see now that that may all have been aspects of C-PTSD. All the different ways i tried to manage my hurt. I feel there are three parts to myself. There is a child who is TERRIFIED and DESPERATE, a raging mess part who is self destructive, critical and frightening and there is a wise adult part who can be there for others, be clever and calm and rational and who until lately has provided a strong professional front. The adult is far back now. The child is screaming for help and the messy bit is giving me * for being such a mess and having need.
So that is maybe me in brief. I hope i haven't written too much