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Topics - James

#1
General Discussion / Making a career/life change
April 09, 2018, 03:02:58 PM
I'm thinking of making a really huge life change...

Basically for the last 8-10 years I've been pursuing and working in a field that I was convinced is what I wanted in my life. I have CPTSD issues from childhood but I believed I was capable of doing this work. But in this career I have to work very closely with other people which has caused a lot of anxiety because of occasionally having to deal with angry and irrational people. I also have to get up and speak in front of crowds of people quite regularly. While I was always extremely confident in front of crowds before, shortly after starting this career I starting having huge difficulties being in front of people... from nervousness to full-on panic attacks. This has made the last several years hellish for me because I never know when the panic will return, whether I'll be able to get through the next presentation, etc. I've been working under the assumption that the anxiety will get better and will work itself out as I continue, so I've been soldiering on hoping improvement will come... but this hasn't happened. In many ways its gotten worse. I'm very good at what I do and so many people look to me as an example in this field but they have no idea what I'm going through inside. I honestly think that this is what I want to do in my life... so its extremely difficult to think of just walking away from it all and starting a totally new path in life. But at this point I don't see any other way... the anxiety isn't getting better and life is becoming miserable.

I dream of starting a life where I can have some safe people to share with and where I can work on recovery issues without being perpetually re-triggered by difficult people and public-speaking anxiety. Still I'm terrified to make that step because I have no idea what I would do with my life and I have fears of ending up broke and alone with no where to turn.
Anyway, no specific questions for people, just if you'd like to chime in with advice I'd love to hear it. Thanks.
#2
I've noticed that a lot of people, when they get sad or frustrated or have some kind of setback, they are down for a bit but then they can bounce back... they have an ability to say "oh well" and move on. Then they can re-engage with life and be happy again.
It seems like I never learned to do that. When I was a kid I would go down into a painful emotional state after feeling rejected by my parents... and I just wouldn't come out of it. I remember the frustration of recognizing that no one is listening to me and no one cares about me and no one cares about what I'm going through, and the sinking feeling in my heart.... Then I would become sad and angry and just never come out of that state. I've lived a lot of my life in that state. I'm trying to learn some emotional resilience so that I can go through difficult things and still be bale to bounce back and continue on with life instead of descending to the pit of * and remaining there.
#3
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Hi, I'm new
March 26, 2018, 03:48:37 PM
This is my first time here, I stumbled upon Out of the Storm a couple weeks ago and have benefited from the content.
I've been struggling with anxiety issues for nearly 15 years now and only recently discovered the diagnosis CPTSD and I think it fits me well. I struggle intensely in relationships with people I have to work with or live with. People who are controlling send me into intense anger (which I never express but bury and try to make it go away,) and angry people send me into terrifying anxiety and fear. Somehow I've ended up in a life situation where I have to deal with both controlling and angry people and my life is very difficult right now. I feel like I am constantly on a roller coaster of difficult and scary emotions one day then calm the next day. I've been reading and researching like crazy to understand my problems better and hopefully this forum will be another step in the right direction!