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Topics - JuniperShadow

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General Discussion / Hoovering from Kiddos During Isolation
« on: April 08, 2020, 09:11:05 PM »
I'm not sure where to put this question.

I'm nearly 5 years No Contact with FOO.

I've got my DH, DS, and DD with me and am as happy as anyone could be during this strange era of Isolation.

But with them hearing about illness and death so much, I've started to get the "We want to see them before they are gone" hoovering from the kids.

We've discussed reasons before, but they remain persistent.

They've got me to a place where I am wondering if I'm doing the wrong thing.

I would love advice if anyone has some to give.

Sexual Abuse / Covert SA
« on: March 31, 2018, 02:30:09 PM »
I've tried searching the forum for other posters talking about Covert abuse but there just aren't many. Is anyone up for talking about Covert?

Sexual Abuse / Blank spots, intense pain, concerned **TW**
« on: March 31, 2018, 05:22:04 AM »
Thank you in advance to anyone who can help me, or even just make me feel less alone.
Originally I wanted to know if anyone had experienced blank spots, but reading this section tells me that a lot of you do.

Through (therapist-guided) EMDR I have run into an unusual (for me) completely physical/emotional memory. They taught me in college that trauma is always vividly recalled, so I am concerned that if the memory is mostly physical then it is false. The idea that I might have invented it makes me feel ashamed.  On the other hand the pain from this event is very present and very real right this moment. I can't shake it. It hurts so bad.

Does a blank spot reflect on how true the memory is?
Does the accuracy of the memory even matter if it was similar to other events that certainly did occur?
And how do I make this pain go away now that I've remembered it until i can deal properly at my next EMDR session?

What I think happened:
***** TW Medical, SA ******
I believe I was subjected to an involuntary  pelvic examination age 4 during which I was restrained and injured during my struggles.

I tried finding medical records, but it happened too long ago. I did see some online images of my old pediatrician's building that triggered some physical sensations and memories of a nightmare I had as an older child where I was pregnant and trapped and I knew if I could just get out of the office I wouldn't have to have the baby.
*********** END TW **************

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