At the risk of returning to a triggered state, I feel compelled to write. I will not provide a graphic version of my experience, and I will limit the length of my post. I simply feel the need to reach out in an effort to connect with others in the community.
I was sexually abuse from 25 to 27 years old by a religious cult leader. In the way of background, my brother sexually abused me from age 8 to 12. I will share more on this at another time. There is no doubt that this set me up for the abuse as an adult. Sometimes, it still blows my mind that I allowed another man to abuse me in my adulthood.
He was 5 years older than me and groomed me for 3 years. He successfully brainwashed me into believing that me providing him with sex resulted in him receiving higher revelation from god. In my mind, him having higher revelation meant that more people will be helped by god through him.
He was a gay man and I a heterosexual man. Throughout the entire time, I was married, and we had a very young son. He continued his long-term partnership, and his partner was well aware of our "arrangement." Retrospectively, I have been able to recognize that I was essentially a sex slave. There is no other way for me to describe my experience. Naturally this has profoundly affected my views on religion and the like.
At some point after escaping this scene in the horror show of my life, I said to myself, "I didn't know that darkness on the Earth could be so dark." As, I discovered many years later, there was even greater darkness for me to experience.
I was sexually abuse from 25 to 27 years old by a religious cult leader. In the way of background, my brother sexually abused me from age 8 to 12. I will share more on this at another time. There is no doubt that this set me up for the abuse as an adult. Sometimes, it still blows my mind that I allowed another man to abuse me in my adulthood.
He was 5 years older than me and groomed me for 3 years. He successfully brainwashed me into believing that me providing him with sex resulted in him receiving higher revelation from god. In my mind, him having higher revelation meant that more people will be helped by god through him.
He was a gay man and I a heterosexual man. Throughout the entire time, I was married, and we had a very young son. He continued his long-term partnership, and his partner was well aware of our "arrangement." Retrospectively, I have been able to recognize that I was essentially a sex slave. There is no other way for me to describe my experience. Naturally this has profoundly affected my views on religion and the like.
At some point after escaping this scene in the horror show of my life, I said to myself, "I didn't know that darkness on the Earth could be so dark." As, I discovered many years later, there was even greater darkness for me to experience.