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Topics - Perry1216

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I was stalked by a former principal for a school year in order to punish the union. The union president even told me this (teaching) is what he thought I ought to be doing, just not there... the principal was just too good at professional assassination.

Iím tired of teaching. Iím tired of my inner critic and anxiety. I loved my new job for the past 3.5 years, but this current administration is a negative one. I feel devalued and they havenít even targeted me specifically because they donít give any attention to my department which is not a state testing subject.

How can I prop myself up without feedback? I feel alone. I have students who express appreciation. I have parents of students who do too. I have old reviews from our former principal who was a great instructional leader. Our current principal is no instructional leader.

I think I might need a new job, but I need letters of rec and Iíve been trying to get the former principal to do it. My department head straight up told me she interviewed for other positions and didnít get a letter in time. I know my old principal is busy and my new one is not supportive.

My inner critic is raging.

So I had the suicide awareness prevention training yesterday which swallowed me into a black hole.

Then my own triggers are there from the current administration doing a bunch of hostile toxic things like in my previous job. My previous job is where I was hunted by a sociopath.

I'm not sure how this is related or not and if this is the right board or not.

I adopted a cat and brought him home this week as an early Christmas gift. DH had told me that he had discussed what he used to do in order to keep a lid on things emotionally when he was younger and he said that his answer was that when he had a cat, he kept a lid on things better.

So, I really thought about it and couldn't get the idea off of my mind. My T also said that a pet would be good for our mental health. I meant to give H more of a choice in the matter and have him meet me at the shelter, but for various reasons, it just didn't work that way. This cat was just too friendly and sweet to take a chance on not getting him as he's a great fit for us.

Anyway, DH can't seem to get past not keeping the new cat in the bedroom with us all night. The cat wakes us up, which is just what cats do. But DH has emotional baggage here.

His old cat died right before everything "hit the fan" with BPD MIL. It seems like the cat was much more of a constant in DH's life than his mother, for example. The cat was over 20 when she passed a few years ago.

I think DH has unresolved issues in his grief. My M used to have over the top reactions to pets dying and act out a lot and I think it's because of her abuse from my ASPD or BPD grandmother.

It seems that DH has unresolved guilt about not letting the previous cat sleep in his room at night. His F let the cat sleep in the room with him, but DH said he just couldn't sleep if the cat was in the room.

I used to sleep with a cat in the room, but I know they get up and roam around in the middle of the night. So, I usually just opened the door at midnight or whenever and then let the cat out and went back to sleep. Not a big deal. It took forever to convince DH that this was a viable compromise. We can still cuddle the cat, but also get sleep with minimal disruption.

So, I know this is long. I'm sorry. I just don't know how else to say it without the backstory.

H still has guilt about the previous cat. Although I've had plenty of pets previously at my parents' house as part of my FOO, I've never actually had my own, but I was able to process my grief.

Is there something I can do to help DH process his grief?

Introductory Post / Hi there - old / new member
« on: December 03, 2018, 05:45:08 PM »
Hi there,

I was on the board a while ago to talk somewhat about an old job that was traumatic in my self-image as an employee due to a sociopathic boss.

However, now I'm back to discuss my H and CTPSD that he likely has in relation to his former job environment, emotional burnout, and BPD M.

My H has PTSD or ctpsd. Not sure if there's a difference anymore in the terms. I'm still new here.

H will start with critiquing. :pissed:   Then I get annoyed, but try to keep my response low.

H will start to explain, which I just see as "more talking" and "more critiquing".  :blahblahblah:

Then I respond, since I try to tell him what the right way to address the situation would be.

He doesn't understand. He gets upset because of something I say that probably resembles something his BPD M would have said in the past.  :fallingbricks:  Then it all goes to heck in a basket.  :stars:

I feel like this is a few separate behaviors rolled into one situation.

He also fears abandonment, so when I get mad or try to separate myself, he has a hard time with that and  :blahblahblah: :blahblahblah: :blahblahblah: :blahblahblah: he talks and tries to get my attention so that he can push into the situation and try to fix it.

This makes things worse. It does eventually help it to get better for the night because then he does all sorts of things to try to make up for his behavior.

But then we keep getting into bad patterns.

He also is beating himself up constantly. He is sad and angry for many reasons, including his career not launching in the direction he wanted.

I'm sorry. I don't know how to sum this up better. I'm still new at this.

My H has ADHD. I thought this was the cause of his  :fallingbricks: emotionally coming unglued at times. He will just skip from any rational argument into what his psychologist says is dissociating.

He just is emotionally reacting without emotional brakes. He's just saying things and he says he's not thinking. It's just tumbling out.

I thought this was something of a problem that had to be addressed with boundaries and discipline, etc. Not that I want to go that route of having to bring consequences to my H, but that's what I thought and he thought.

Then, someone brought up that it sounded like he's being triggered.

It seems like it happens a lot around food  / cooking.

I'm cooking. H says he doesn't like x food. I get annoyed because why is H saying this? I'm just trying to cook dinner.
H tries to JADE since he thinks he needs to. I get more annoyed because he could just not eat it.
I say "just don't eat it".
H gets super emotionally dysregulated and the emotional brakes are gone.
He starts reacting a lot to... what?
He says it's because his mom used to say "just don't eat it".
But with BPD M, him expressing he didn't like something was a problem, since she has NPD traits too of control, etc.

What can I do? He gets into a mode that is extremely contrary for no reason and I don't know how to get through to him.

He's suggested I play music when he gets that way so that it can get through to him and he can calm down.

These arguments have escalated really high because I start to anticipate it and then have a big reaction instead, hoping to preempt his big reaction.
It doesn't work.

He also has this similar reaction if I'm cooking something he doesn't like, that i KNOW he doesn't like, and I would never make for him, and then he emotionally dysregulates and nothing makes any sense.

Workplace Bullying/Harassment/Abuse / Core belief and past problems
« on: June 05, 2018, 02:49:51 PM »
I struggle in my job due to fear. I have had varied experiences in my job field of teaching.
I have had great experiences and great jobs as well as jobs where I was hazed / bullied by the manager because of some unknown reason. I worked harder and harder and tried to come up to the imagined standard of the manager, but then wound up leaving. My student teaching was a mix of a great beginning, but then the supervisor was awful and mean later, but her and my cooperating teacher both gave me excellent, GLOWING, letters of recommendation, but trashed me at the same moment. How strange and I should have had the confidence to LAUGH AT THEM.

I'm told it was a feat in and of itself to come out of something like that from a sociopath with my reputation intact.
However, I'm still anxious a lot.
When kids make bad decisions, I feel like I'm going to get in trouble or get fired, instead of me just giving a consequence and documenting and moving on.

My psychologist thinks it's overworry because it's not happening here. However, there are all sorts of ways and reasons why schools get rid of teachers. Sometimes it's even that they were at the top of the pay scale and then their program or job gets cut mysteriously.

I just want to keep my job. However, sometimes I get SO FOCUSED on the bad and trying to fix it that I'm consumed by it.
I'm working on this.

Has anyone else experienced something like this?
How do I move forward instead of "filtering" the crazed boundaries from the old bully boss? My coworkers often don't know why I get so wrapped around things that no one is going to yell at me for here.
How and what might you explain to a coworker?
What part of this is paranoia and what part of this is stuff that could happen?

Introductory Post / Just anxious a lot
« on: June 05, 2018, 02:41:33 AM »
I am trying to dig down and work on anxiety. I have some trauma related reasons to do with job and self trust as well as just being more of a worrier type person.

Iím here to explore and try to heal and get stronger and move forward.

Iím also a teacher by trade. So a lot of the trauma stuff has to do with a former sociopath boss who bullied me constantly and made me doubt my worth greatly. I also am now constantly worried about something going wrong.

I also get frustrated with difficult students because of the fact they could get me fired somehow. My psychologist says Iím a great teacher based on evidence, but I consistently still worry.

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