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Topics - thetruth

#1
General Discussion / Self administered EMDR.
December 29, 2020, 01:05:50 PM
Hi All,

On the morning of 27th December just past, I tried self administered EMDR using a youtube video-  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DALbwI7m1vM&lc=UgzkyfOf1V1f7kARfdN4AaABAg.95hcUO5-jqn9HmrVoBCW_f

It gave me 2 days of high quality relief from the trauma disorder that generally dominates my existence.
This is day 3 and anxiety is returning now. I have tried the video 3 more times since the initial really effective running of it. The results are not as dazzling though there is a milder relief happening.

Does EMDR with a practitioner offer anything that I cannot achieve with self administered EMDR at home, using this youtube video?

I welcome all advice and opinions on EMDR because I have had a very powerful and interesting experience with it already though the life changing bliss that it gave me for 2 days seems to be on the wain now.
#2
General Discussion / CBD oil
November 24, 2020, 09:45:11 AM
Hi,

Can anyone recommend the use of CBD oil for trauma injuries/psychological distress? I need something to change but I dont fancy taking olanzapine, something that has been suggested by a health care professional.
#3
Hi,

This may have been shared previously but it cant be shared enough. I dug it out for a friend today and began to watch it. It is loaded with helpful insight and supportive knowledge regarding our brains and the conditions that nurture brain development, even brain recovery after traumatic life experiences.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0GKVMILwzdY
#4
Hi All,

I have not posted in a couple of years. Every morning on wakening I am greeted with the same set of defeating thoughts stemming from past injustices. In recent mornings I began a new wave of early morning jogging to try to manage the thinking but it has not stopped the problem and only added to the exhaustion and frustration. 

At this stage it looks like my neural pathways are very well formed and this difficult thinking is set to persist indefinitely. The energy demands of this psychological battle are great. Working on top of this is unlikely to be sustainable and experience has shown that to be true.

Can anyone offer any suggestions from their own experience about how I might go about dealing with this life inhibiting early morning intrusive thinking. It is basically the result of injustice and I cannot magic it away just because it is having a negative effect on my life.

Thanks.
#5
General Discussion / It's time for me try medication.
December 24, 2018, 09:16:12 AM
Due to the low quality of my daily life now, I feel I must try medication, anti-depressant medication.

A friend says citalopram has helped him to cope with some intense and life affecting emotions, rumination and anxiety.

I googled 'citalopram for rumination' . and I found this testimony in a forum:-

"I had intrusive thoughts, dreadful anxiety and depression for years and years and I recovered taking SSRI's.  Everyone's different of course.
As funkdakarma says, the thoughts and anxiety are closely related.  You get into a cycle of depression - anxiety - intrusive thoughts - anxiety - depression etc etc and this medicine helps break that cycle by relieving the anxiety, helping to lift the depression and so the intrusive thoughts will become less important.  Depression makes our minds tired, thoughts thrive on anxiety and then stick to a tired mind, going round and round.

Now I'm well, the intrusive thoughts have disappeared way to the back of my mind and don't bother me or cause me any anxiety any more.  I do t think of them much now - the anxiety was cured for me and so the thoughts lost their importance.

Everyone suits different doses and am sure you'll find the correct one for you to help. This medicine take a long time to work, but keep persevering, have lots of patience and you should feel some benefit from it in time.  Your mood may be up and down for a while - some days or weeks you feel great and others you feel back in the midst of it all again.  This is normal and just part of the healing process.

Hope this helps."

To me this sounds like a good recommendation.

Does anyone else have experience of citalopram or similar meds?

At this stage I need to try something. My life cant go on as it is right now.
#6
General Discussion / Cptsd or not Cptsd?
December 14, 2018, 12:20:25 AM
Hi All,

I have sunk into familiar anxiety, depression and exhaustion with surprising speed. Ive been triggered and I know how but I wont go into that now.

The purpose of this post is to ask a simple question. Im really worn out so I am in that 'not sure of anything anymore state'.


This might seem silly but I need to ask it. How do I know for sure that the difficulty I am having in life  is Cptsd?

I am meeting unwillingness from others to view my claims of traumatic experience in the workplace as valid. Moreover I have had my claims of traumatic experience redefined as sensitivity and delusion on my part. Sorry, I am trying to keep this to the point.

A psychiatrist has refused my first attempt to communicate to him that I am living Cptsd every day.

How do I know for sure my symptoms are Cptsd?

If they are not Cptsd, then what are they? Can you be experiencing constant anxiety, depression, triggering, relentless rumination, compulsive thinking about revenge, inability to think about anything else but the injustice you experienced as soon as you are not being engaged in conversation by someone, even though it is 5 years since that happened, and not be experiencing Cptsd?

If this isnt Cptsd when it has the hallmarks of it, then what is it? There was trauma and emotional dysregulation for years. I didnt imagine that and I certainly didnt make it up to piss off doctors and psychiatrists to force them into a diagnosis they dont want to make.

#7
Anxiety / Guaranteed Anxiety.
November 28, 2018, 12:29:45 PM
Hi,

I find that my life is becoming more and more just an existence in which I am permanently troubled by the need to find a way of living that gets rid of anxiety.

I scheme of how I might achieve this. I feel a sense of hope around my new ideas and schemes. Then those very ideas and schemes result in anxiety. I feel like no matter what I try to do, I am almost guaranteed to achieve anxiety through it. This has a way of raising the question, what is the point of trying anything more?

I wonder could it be that the experience of abuse+injustice that I went through at the hands of an  employer and an indifferent doctor simply will not be quietened despite my best efforts to overcome it?

I believe I am wounded in my psyche and the wound persists like a bad smell that follows me around. I cannot shake it off.

Any thoughts at all on what I have described would be very gratefully received.
#8
Hi,

I would like some feedback please before I decide how best to address my situation regarding what I consider to be an appallingly ineffective private psychiatric assessment back in June.

The main points to recount are that I went to the assessment less than adequately prepared to substantiate my claim that my symptoms and history pointed to Cptsd. The psychiatrist was very quick to poo poo my claim and he stated that Cptsd was not really likely as it is considered to be a condition that stems from abusive and traumatic childhoods. So he ruled out Cptsd because he said it could only be a product of a traumatic childhood. He did this twice during the assessment.

He filled the hour up with asking questions about me and my family and my life which were not pertinent to the issue I was bringing to him.

I might add that my condition was worsened by an indifferent NHS doctor who refused to say my stress was work related and in doing so he helped facilitate a deeply unfair dismissal from my job. When we touched on this subject, rather than explore it thoroughly, the psychiatrist, who is himself an NHS doctor began to to ask me if I believed in conspiracy theories and did I believe that the world was a fair place or did I believe that everything was connected to each other.

This man performed the assessment in a non exploratory way and an avoiding way- avoiding what mattered.

He concluded by saying that I had been troubled for long enough by these distressing thoughts of injustice and asked me would it not be better if I could get rid of them so that my quality of life would improve? All lovely and simple and easy! He didnt care for my talk of Cptsd. So he said that he was going to suggest to my doctor that I go on a course of anti-psychotic medication, something that I knew I would not even consider doing as his assessment had been such an offensive farce.

I paid £250 out of my own pocket for this assessment because I has asked for it and I hadnt the nerve to refuse to pay, nor had I the steadiness of mind to know I was being robbed. I went home and I never heard from either him or my GP.

I feel I should write to him and tell him I want a free assessment as his first one was a joke and he botched it from the outset by saying Cptsd wasnt possible because I wasnt bringing him an account of a traumatic childhood.

What do other site users think about this? Oh, my symptoms continue to make my life not a life anyone should have to live. Only on here have I any interaction with other humans who can relate to this taboo existence I am 'indulging'.

Thank you.
#9
Hi All,

Due to a prolonged experience of workplace harassment I have attempted self employment since that experience. The theory is, if I am my own boss I cannot be subjected to any kind of triggering unfairness or unreasonable behaviour. I say this because since the harassment, I have already had a very bad experience of deep distress when I was met with deceit at the hands of a subsequent manager in a completely different job.

I have found the attempt to be self employed to be isolating and lonely. As a result motivation is lacking and is always forced. I am also without a structured timetable.

Has anyone else found recovery after long term workplace harassment by finding work under a good, honest and reasonable boss? At present I think I need to work for a fair person to allow my life to progress.

I think I might have to spend the rest of 2018 looking at employment options. I think the right job for the right person could be key to my rediscovering faith in life and myself and humanity.

Edit, since posting a few hours ago, after further thinking, I just find myself asking the question, is the cost of avoiding the world of formal work possibly greater than the perceived benefit of safety from harassment/triggering? I mean, by completely cutting out the possibility of future unfairness, I am also cutting myself off from the health supporting elements of structured work with other people.

Looks like I might have to push the boat out and try working again. I might need the structure and I probably need the sense of financial security more than anything.
#10
Hi,

I haven't posted in this area before because I have been more focused on workplace harassment issues that took place much later in life than the event which I plan to share now.

I have just been watching Richard Grannon on youtube, something he said has prompted me to think about an event in my life and what it has done to me. It may in fact be the root cause of much of the emotional difficulty I have had in life. I am sure some other people on here might relate to the experience I had.

When I was 14 I was beaten savagely with a stick around the legs by my father. My mother screamed her support for him to do this and later that evening she told me that they wished they didn't have to do things like this but it was for my own good.

My crime was that I forgot to come straight home from church to get my homework done in order that we could go to my Grandmother's house. In fact, to this day I have no memory of that instruction being given. I wasn't given any opportunity to explain that, while at church I had simply forgotten my mother's instruction and that my friend had suggested going to look for golf balls on the golf course straight after mass. The rage in both of my parents meant that there was no point attempting to verbally reason with them. In the last 29 years I have never brought up the subject in order to explain that I had simply forgotten the instruction that morning. Their ferocity can only be explained by their assumption that I didn't follow their instruction in order to spite them.

Maybe I should add that I was the oldest of 6 young children, my mother had slightly older sisters who were reporting the wondrous academic achievements of their children and my mother had been pressurising me for about 5 years already at the time of the assault, to achieve top marks at school. She resented me for pointing out to her that the grades she so desperately needed me to get were more for her to tell her sisters about than they were for my well being. My mother created a war around this issue and she involved my father in it too. She made it his duty also. To this day I am dismayed at my fathers anger that morning. I can understand my mothers rage as it was her war we were playing out but I don't fully understand the degree of my father's rage that day.

Richard Grannon said that after such an event a wound can be inflicted on the central nervous system and after that point the world is no longer a safe place. I remember a weird numbness following that event. I think it was my first big trauma but maybe it was just an introduction to a new type of trauma, an unprecedented intensity of trauma which would happen repeatedly thereafter. He says the core message after such an event is that "reality isn't safe".

I think that event maybe had a very big impact on my psychological experience/landscape. That day when my parent's did what they did, they showed me that life wasn't safe. They became my greatest source of danger. I think they set me adrift on a new path of uncertainty, fear and insecurity. I think it has made me feel different from my siblings and my peers. I think it has fostered a lot of feelings of loneliness. It is very likely the reason I have had so much depression in my life.

Any feedback would be much appreciated. I think my world changed that day. I think my life has been more emotionally difficult because of that event.



#11
Hi all.

I have a friend who is being treated very poorly by her boss. He is endeavouring to upset her. It has been going on for up to 2 years. It involves micromanagment and being generally inconsiderate and difficult, the usual 'hard to describe' constant climate of antagonizing and controlling behaviour.

Having been the victim of the same thing in the past and as I am still suffering over the legacy of it all, I want to do whatever I can to help this woman. It will come as no surprise to hear that this woman is a lovely person who only means well to all people. She is also competent in her work and well thought of.

So this guy resents her. He became her boss 2 years ago. She was already in the job long before he came on the scene and he is ruining her working life.

Can anyone offer any advice on how to protect her? Should his behaviour be flagged up to a higher authority in the organisation for her? With her consent of course. Until his behaviour is reported he will continue to push her towards an outburst, after which he will accuse her of being aggressive or crazy.

She needs help.
#12
General Discussion / Doctors and the law.
September 28, 2018, 08:49:01 PM
Hi,

I have not posted in a long time.

I just want to ask a question.

Is it legal and ethical for a  doctor to refuse to attribute your stress to unfair treatment in the workplace, after they have been made aware of the problem for a period of years and after they have been informed that you are about to be unfairly dismissed from the job because you have had to protest about unfair treatment?


The shorter version of that question would be, is it legal for a doctor to refuse to say on a sick line that your stress is work related when they know it is work related and they have already said as much in their notes?

If that is legal in a developed country in 2018 how can that be ok?

Thanks.
#13
General Discussion / New to site
May 14, 2018, 04:03:38 PM
Hi,

Im new. Im struggling with the legacy of a very problematic working experience which ended 5 years back. Things are getting worse because I cant move forward. By that I mean the depression resulting from the injustice and inability to think about anything but what happened between 2009 and 2013 in that job, before they sacked me, is getting more unbearable. For some time now I have been aware of the similarity between my symptoms and CPTSD. Pete Walkers book should be with me tomorrow.

My life is owned by this thing now and it is not fair. How to recover is where I need help. I am considering a geographical move for temporary respite.

Thanks.

thetruth