Trigger warning: TW: I am asking for opinions about feelings I have from being abused that may cause others to feel same
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Hi, as is usual I am not really sure of what I want, but maybe by asking the question I will get some affirmation, understanding or clarity.
Does anyone else who has suffered abuse feel 'exposed'. I mean, I feel like when I interact with people they instantly and instinctually understand that I am in some way tainted, dirty.
I understand to some extent that this is NSC. But I also feel there is some basis for it, because in order to survive I have had to develop a large measure of denial. When even I don't believe my denial anymore, it leads me to feel like I am fraudulently pretending I am coping. In short, I feel dirty and disgusting.
Not having had a safe place to explore these feelings, my only avenue was to bury them. Now that I am allowing them, I still feel that I can't be authentic, because I feel, probably wrongly, that I am inherently disgusting to other people. I recognise that this is a very negative pattern of feeling. Uncritical optimism is not however the answer. (I have used that to cope).
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Hi, as is usual I am not really sure of what I want, but maybe by asking the question I will get some affirmation, understanding or clarity.
Does anyone else who has suffered abuse feel 'exposed'. I mean, I feel like when I interact with people they instantly and instinctually understand that I am in some way tainted, dirty.
I understand to some extent that this is NSC. But I also feel there is some basis for it, because in order to survive I have had to develop a large measure of denial. When even I don't believe my denial anymore, it leads me to feel like I am fraudulently pretending I am coping. In short, I feel dirty and disgusting.
Not having had a safe place to explore these feelings, my only avenue was to bury them. Now that I am allowing them, I still feel that I can't be authentic, because I feel, probably wrongly, that I am inherently disgusting to other people. I recognise that this is a very negative pattern of feeling. Uncritical optimism is not however the answer. (I have used that to cope).