Topics

Hi there

I read in Pete Walker's book that children who's will and sense of self were cruelly crushed can become rudderless and aimless as adults.

I think this applies to me as I don't seem to have any motivation any more. For decades I was motivated to escape the abuse. Now that I have gained my freedom I don't seem to know what to do with it. I have CPTSD. I am a housewife. All my children are grown and left home.

There seems to be a frightening absense of meaning and purpose to my life. Just an immense amount of empty space stretching out in front of me. I am unable to work because I'm too ill and I have isolated myself over the years. I'm NC with my entire FOO

Feeling bleak

Hi everyone!

I sometimes feel that I want to get down on my knees and thank the Universe and all the 'good guys' for the Internet.

I look back over my healing journey and imagine for a split second what it would be like if I didn't know what I know now. I imagine the bleak despair loneliness and confusion sucking me down into the Abyss.

I am SO grateful for sites just like this one. I am indebted to the wisdom of others. For their tenacity for their empathy and for their compassion.

So here is a Huge appreciative hug for everyone who has come together to share their experiences.

Thank you!!

Kubali

Hi there!

Has anyone else truly struggled with this question? I STILL don't know the answer and I'm 52!!

In my childhood I was not allowed to want. In my first marriage I was not allowed to want.

Now I am safe. I have re-located and re- married (8years ago) I have been in Therapy for nearly 2 years and when she asks me this question I always have the same reaction. Just go blank. Then comes the inevitable question "what am I allowed to have?"

Kubali

Hi there!

I'm just wondering if anyone else has experienced the same thing as me. My eldest daughter who chose to live with me following my truly harrowing divorce from her father has recently left home. She has just turned 21 and was ready to go out into the big wide world. Her and a friend have found a lovely new flat and moved in about 3 weeks ago.

My question is this. Has anyone else been through this and had their abandonment issues triggered? I have been having severe flashbacks since she first told me she was leaving home. I managed to keep it together enough to help her move into her new home. But there were days when I would curl up on her old bed and sob and sob despairingly.

After my divorce from her father I relocated to a different county to escape him. She followed me a few months later as he became abusive to her. I had re- married and the three of us became a new family in a safe and loving home. This formed tremendously powerful bond of shared experience and when she left I felt bereft.

My intellect told me that she wasn't leaving me, just leaving home. But sometimes I was overcome with such a deep grief that it shocked and scared me.

There is probably a link between this and me searching for a new outlet. That's when I came here.

Kubali

Hi everyone!

Just wondering if anyone has come across this phenomena at all?

I noticed (after many years) that the parts in Self-Help books that I skimmed over thinking "yep, done that or yep I'm ok with this" we're in fact the things I most needed to examine.

It's almost the same kind of dismissal I would receive from my FOO.

So now when I come across anything I think doesn't apply to me, I go back for a second look. And then a third.

Does this ring any bells at all?

Kubali

Hello everyone

A while back my niece bought me a beautiful book called "Enchanted Forest. An inky quest and colouring book" I have been colouring in again!!

I'm finding it soothing, relaxing and absorbing. It is incredibly helpful especially after an intense fear-filled flashback. It brings me nicely back to the present moment. Softly and gently easing back, without the harsh reality slapping me in the face.

I thoroughly recommend this activity. It's creative and always gives a sense of achievement. These positives are truly welcome. It's nothing spectacular, but it's mine. Does any one know what I mean?

Kubali

Hello everyone

I'm just wondering is there any one else here that would class themselves as an HSP or an Empath?

I've been reading so many posts that contain highly intelligent and insightful language. Some are beautifully written and obviously come deep from within (soul)

There must be a correlation between CPTSD and the above mentioned traits. It stands to reason that we suffer so much on so many levels, because we have these gifts. Or rather curses??

Kubali

Hello everyone

Both my parents have NPD. My sister also. Her and my father are Malignant and overt. My mother is covert.

It's odd but my mother caused the most damage. Of them all it is her betrayal and deceit that truly rocked and shocked me.

I'm wondering if anyone else feels the same about their Narcissistic mother?

Kubali

Just wondering if there is anyone here from england at all?

Kubali

I'm new. To this forum. Not new to suffering. Just wanted to reach out and say hello to fellow travellers. It's a difficult path to tread. No doubt about that.

I have empathy for everyone here. I send you all my warmest wishes and thanks for being brave.

Kubali