So, this is what's happening to me, I don't know a name to put on it.
I have times when my brain keeps drifting off into fantasyland. It's a pretty benign fantasyland, I imagine that I'm snuggling with my boyfriend, who is someone that I feel really safe around. I've felt safe around him since the day we met over a year ago, and he's never done anything to betray that trust. I try telling myself I have something to do and I need to get up right now, but I just slip back into it. I try praying and I can't focus on praying, I just slip back into it. My alarm rings and I snap out of it and turn the alarm off, and I can even get up and dressed and stuff, but I slip back into it. I try mindfulness, but my brain just doesn't want to be in my body putting the clothes on and remembering which job I'm going to this morning so I get the dress code right, it wants to be snuggling with my boyfriend. I don't blame it; I'd love to spend 24/7 snuggling with my boyfriend, but he and I both have to earn a living, do dishes, attend to our personal hygiene, etc.
Then I have times when I'm feeling really uneasy. Usually when I find out something my ex has done regarding the kids, or there's something I'm afraid he's going to do. I can't focus. This happened to me today. I went to the store thinking I'd do some retail therapy, and I'm there in the store but it's like I fell asleep and just woke up standing in the store with a grocery cart, except that I remember wanting to go to the store and buy groceries and I wasn't asleep. I have to keep checking all the time to make sure I still have my Four Things (phone, wallet, keys, and concealed weapon*) because when I've been in this state before, sometimes I've forgotten one of them at home or set my phone or wallet down somewhere and walked away. I fight to keep myself present and alert. My body will start to hurt and every ache will become magnified; I become reluctant to walk because of the pain.
What is this called? Is this an emotional flashback? Is this dissociation? What word goes with this?
* I never go anywhere without a weapon. Yes I have a concealed weapons permit and I've practiced and I keep it where the kids can't get it etc. etc. etc. No I'm not suicidal anymore, and I never was homicidal. It just makes me feel safer to carry it, after something that happened to me before. Thank you for your concern.
I have times when my brain keeps drifting off into fantasyland. It's a pretty benign fantasyland, I imagine that I'm snuggling with my boyfriend, who is someone that I feel really safe around. I've felt safe around him since the day we met over a year ago, and he's never done anything to betray that trust. I try telling myself I have something to do and I need to get up right now, but I just slip back into it. I try praying and I can't focus on praying, I just slip back into it. My alarm rings and I snap out of it and turn the alarm off, and I can even get up and dressed and stuff, but I slip back into it. I try mindfulness, but my brain just doesn't want to be in my body putting the clothes on and remembering which job I'm going to this morning so I get the dress code right, it wants to be snuggling with my boyfriend. I don't blame it; I'd love to spend 24/7 snuggling with my boyfriend, but he and I both have to earn a living, do dishes, attend to our personal hygiene, etc.
Then I have times when I'm feeling really uneasy. Usually when I find out something my ex has done regarding the kids, or there's something I'm afraid he's going to do. I can't focus. This happened to me today. I went to the store thinking I'd do some retail therapy, and I'm there in the store but it's like I fell asleep and just woke up standing in the store with a grocery cart, except that I remember wanting to go to the store and buy groceries and I wasn't asleep. I have to keep checking all the time to make sure I still have my Four Things (phone, wallet, keys, and concealed weapon*) because when I've been in this state before, sometimes I've forgotten one of them at home or set my phone or wallet down somewhere and walked away. I fight to keep myself present and alert. My body will start to hurt and every ache will become magnified; I become reluctant to walk because of the pain.
What is this called? Is this an emotional flashback? Is this dissociation? What word goes with this?
* I never go anywhere without a weapon. Yes I have a concealed weapons permit and I've practiced and I keep it where the kids can't get it etc. etc. etc. No I'm not suicidal anymore, and I never was homicidal. It just makes me feel safer to carry it, after something that happened to me before. Thank you for your concern.