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I apologise for posting about this difficulty. I am just at a loss as to how to deal with this. I briefly mentioned this in my introductory post. My issue being that since a young child I have got attached very quickly to certain females. Usually people like teachers/sports coach/doctors/therapists, the list can go on.

I don't want this to continue because I hate myself for it. I wish it was something I didn't experience. I have done a lot of thinking of where this has come from and can only see a link between the relationship I have had with my mum. I have almost no memories about our relationship from before 11 years old, so can only look at it since then. This attachment started before I was 11 years old as I can clearly remember it happening with certain teachers.

So my difficulty is I can on a logical level see I am looking for care/nurture, but I cannot stop it from happening. It is like it happens automatically. I would do anyting to stop this.


The reason I am struggling with this is that there is a professional who I have seen for over a year and we have built up a good working relationship. They have seen me through some really awful times and I can talk to them openly (as is possible). Now I constanlty worry about something bad happening, them leaving, someone dying in their family, just them not being there anymore. The working relationship will eventually end, which I am very scared about. I know eventually I will move on, but when this first happens I fall apart and cannot cope at all. I actually struggle so much I don't feel like I can carry on. Which sounds ridiculous when you think of it.


I fear this so much. Why cannot I just move not move on from this. I have been trying so hard to change things and recognise I need to connect to different things around me.


I guess I am just wondering if anyone understands or has experienced this. I just don't know how to move on with it. This problem with attachment I hardly ever been able to talk about whilst in therapy. I am just at a loss. I want to stop hating myself and I want to not feel so awful at the thought of ending relationships.

Hi there, I hope it is ok to post and reach out.

I don't really know where to start, but basically I have suffered with my mental health since childhood. There was a lot that went on and the affect on me has been severe. I have received many different diagnosis over the years and have a had lots of different therapy. Not much has helped. So for many years I had therapy for a diagnosis of BPD (Which I never actually agreed with). I also have other anxiety disorders that need help.


So fast forward to last year I was seen by a T who focused on EMDR. I went over my history and current problems. T mentioned Cptsd and that I am likely to be experiencing EF's within certain relationships. Due to what I had discussed we only went as far as working on resources and having figures I can go to in times of difficulty. T didn't want to rush in to anything. We didn't have too long working together, but it felt like everything had fallen in to place. This is the first bit of therapy that I feel has had an impact. It was a shame it had to end. The mention of Cpstd was welcome it explained everything. Everything fits like a glove.


So since then I have been referred for CBT for other difficulties that need working on. This is where I am struggling. So I have carried something with me for years and years and have only slightly spoken about it when having EMDR. So since a young child I have got attached to females. It can be teachers, T's, Sports coach, hairdresser, the list can go on. There have been so many. Some of them I have even bought them gifts for being kind to me. I imagine situations where I am able to express myself and show the real me. I literally hate myself for it. I avoid people to avoid this happening. It has even happened in work situations/volunteer work. As soon as it starts happening I try to get away from the situation.


I worry that they will die or someone in their family will die, that they will leave so on. I never set out with a plan for this to happen at all and don't want to do this. It just happens automatically. I wish I could stop it from happening. I cannot cope with the thought of them not being around. It is not that I fear people leaving me as such, it is more that I have established a connection with them.


I  want to understand why this happens and have often wondered if I am looking for a mother figure. Obviously there is more to it, but at the moment I am full of anger towards those who raised me. To be in an environment where there was abuse of all kinds. That because of certain experiences I now cannot function. That I have spent many years unable to like who I am because of the above and because of my experiences.

I don't know how I am going to move forward. The CBT should help with some difficulties, but I am scared of the rest. My last T mentioned that after CBT I would need specialist help to tackle the trauma and attachment difficulties.

If anyone can help with any shared expriences and trying to move forward that would be great. I really need to be able to talk to a professional about the attachment to women because it is holding me back. I am scared to do so because I feel I will be seen as attention seeker. Which deep down I know I am not. I just cannot control this interaction with others. Like I said, I keep away from people because of it.

Sorry for the length of this, maybe I will be able to explain things more another time.