Topics

I had a consultation with a homeopath and a week in after the first dose, I'm definitely in the deep end. Bringing up all of my fears head on, horrible. The difference is that it feels as if there is movement physically, energetically, rather than just a triggering and constant mental cycles. I'm having those as well, but it's like there's a vapour coming off me, an energy field where the trauma is coming up and out, rather than just being stuck.

On the plus side, I'm finding that I'm able to bear with it. I'm at a point in my life where I am embarking on some changes, a fork in the road, and the positive road requires that I affirm and acknowledge my qualities and capacity for bringing these changes by being smart and structured with my skills, rather than white knucking through to bring them about. I also am building a sense of entitlement to what I want, which allows me to embark upon manifesting them, rather than hiding from it and procrastinating. Life is not perfect, and I want to make a lot of changes, but I have the skills to do so. The trauma will tell me life is bleak and not worth living, an and it's this that the homeopathy is dredging up front and centre. So I'm intrigued, grateful and experiencing a kind of * at the moment, which we're all familiar with. Sometimes I cannot separate and be objective from a "knowing" place, but I'm rolling with the punches. I'm actually excited about this. Even before I started the dose, I started dry retching, which is an energy blockage being released, so I guess I am ready for this. Sound positive, I bet in an hour I'll be doubting the reason of my existence, and oscillating between firm ground and the abyss. Fun times

Thankfully I have two weeks off vacay and my other co-parent is taking more of the childcare to allow me to heal.

Just thought I'ld share.


H

Hi all,

At the beginning of the year, I posted about and was complaining of fatigue. Nordic winters don't help.

Anyways, I usually train using my body weight, and decided to hit the gym to gain some mass. This is about three months ago. And I was beyond fatigued - correct nutrition, correct form, but I could barely keep my eyes open, and I don't sleep well, which is essential for recovery from a heavy session.

So I switched back to my old routine that I knew I could complete comfortably, and again - falling asleep on the spot.

Did a 6 km bike ride - was so difficult, and I'm someone who used to cycle  100km a week.

I realised: I have to build my body from the ground up.

Like a lot of us here, I imagine we've achieved a lot on sheer will power. But at 40, I can't and won't do that anymore. My body won't let me.

Thankfully, a close friend, who has a similar diagnosis, and who takes a very holistic approach to all areas of their life, recommended a bunch of organic supplements and had gone vegan. I could see the changes in this person, who has been on sick leave for many years, and they are strong, clear eyed, feeling very solid.

So I stopped exercising and went vegan. I'm mostly vegetarian anyway, so it wasn't much of a strain. And I'm not strict or militant, but the changes have been wholly positive.

I take:
Morning:
B12 complex
Magnesium
Multi-vit
Vitamin C
Adrenal Suppplement to promote good function.
Omega 3 oil.

Afternoon - I take Omega 3 capsule again. Really supports my cognitive function.

Evening - Magnesium and CBD oil ( 2 drops) helps with feeling grounded and gets me sleepy.

Did the 6 km to work last week - no problem, could have gone on a lot longer.

Have started training again - taking easy, just body weight and gym rings, but much improved.

My mood is more even. I still have my triggers. And it's worse if I take alcohol or any other intoxicant. So I keep it to a minimum ( some good non alcoholic beers out there).

Still get tired if I don't keep this routine and sleep is so important. Feel even, solid, "correct" and can snap out of it quickly when I deregulate and the trauma casts it's shadow.

I've noticed my body can barely tolerate canteen food, fast food, anything that isn't made without good ingredients or contains crap. I feel crappy and my mood and outlook quickly deteriorate. Not being all superior, I'm just stating that what I put in my body directly affects my mood.

I would say my diet and the supplements have more influence on how I feel then the training.

Hope this helps.

H

Hello all, this is my first post other than the introductory.

It's the weekend, and I'm a co parent. My kid goes to her mother's on Friday, and I'm exhausted from parenting, a job I don't like, and just general low mood, no motivation. I do well as a parent, but haven't been able to manage to properly decorate and organise my apartment  - it's ok, clean, has everything we need, and my kid's bedroom is nice, but every weekend I have to myself, I just feel depleted, and miss my child. I really want to convert my living room into an atelier and start making moves into a career as a painter- I don't lack confidence in my ability, but doing anything just seems pointless. And I'm constantly ill, despite training, eating well, ( I smoke about 4 cigs aday). I've written a list of what I need to do, but generally feel a bit hopeless and despairing right now.

I separated from the mother of my child 4 years back, and while I've processed that and don't seem to have a problem attracting a partner, I just feel kind of pointless. I moved to another country just before our child was born, and now I'm stuck here. I don't like it, even though I have made a life for myself here. It's in Scandinavia, it's dark and cold most of the time, and has a culture I don't really care for. I'm from an international background and miss meeting similar people. The music scene is pretty limited ( and music is oxygen to me, I play) and I have cut off my FOO, and that stings every xmas, wish I had the community that lots of others have. I have people who care about me, but I'm not really part of anything, so really want to get a new career underway as that will mean more travel, more money, more opportunity to meet my type of people, but most importantly - JOY.

It's like I'm building something from scratch, again, for the millionth time. One way of looking at it is that finally, I have a sense of entitlement to making a career out of my talent, at age 40, but I also yearn to part of  family again, as I'm a very good father and potential partner (even my ex says that - she has her own issues to deal with) - I just can't get it together when I'm this tired from my week of work and parenting - but really do need to lay the foundations for the next phase. I'm ready now, have dealt with my past, but always so constantly tired and joyless in my heart.

Just sad and giving up doing anything today. Tmmr a new day.

Best

H

Hi All,

I have CPTSD, developed in childhood. I'm joining this forum as I am seeking support and understanding from those who can identify, and of course to empower and support everyone else with their journey of healing.

I've just come through an predictably awful winter, live in Scandinavia, am a father, separated from her mother, though on good terms, and cut off all contact from my family a few years back, was the right thing to do. And while I have a small, invaluable support network here, I have to say, managing all of this pretty much alone has been trying and isolating. I miss the culture I grew up in (UK/London) and am pretty resilient, having managed to get a good job here and co parent my wonderful child. But I am struggling - beyond work and raising a child, I am fatigued and keep my head just above water.

I've done many years of therapy, I would roughly say half of that was useful in identifying the cause, but the therapist didn't grasp that cPTSD is also neurogenic, so to that end, I have researched this aspect to support my nervous system. I train, eat well, don't drink that much, don't do drugs to support this aspect.

I would like to get on with my life, but feel somewhat stuck. I've come to terms with all the years and opportunities I missed out on because of this condition, because of where I come from, but do feel I have a lot more to offer. I am solution focused, and that means moving into a profession that fulfils me and travelling again, but while I'm able to do some things that most folk would find intimidating, I find other things really difficult as my head is a often like a sea of white noise and it is debilitating. I have started meditating, and I find this helpful. I'm frustrated that I am ham strung by this, and somewhere, I truly believe there is a good, joyous, happy, love filled life out there, but getting there feels impossible at the moment.

Just really want to connect with others in the same boat who are still getting out of bed in the morning and making it work as best they can.

I chose Horse as apparently that's my spirit animal if your into that type of thing. I'm free and open minded, quick in thought and agile, and solid and unrelenting when I need to be, with much integrity. I hate working in an office lol

Look forward to meeting you all,

Best

Horse