Hi all
I'm in my 40s and suffered with anxiety all my lifer. Recently diagnosed with PTSD. Mainly believed to be attributed to a mother whose unpredictable mood resulted in many a physical beating.
I know my father molested another family member when they were a young child, but only found out about this recently. He molested other children as well.
I can't remember my father doing anything to me but recently I remembered a recurring dream I had as a child, at least my mermory puts it as a dream but I remember the 'dream' feeling very emotional and physically real.
Basically what I remember of them was everything was dark, I may have been under the covers. I couldn't move bercause of a heavy weight on me and there was a loud sound of a beating heart. I used to wake with a start to find one of my parents in my bedroom (can't remember which one) I always assumed they had come in to comfort me because they knew I was having a dream. Anouther reoccuring dream was of a man who lived in our attic, who would come down at night and either chase me down the stairs or wait for me to come home and peer out of my bedroom window wIting for me.
Nothing else makes me suspicious except me and my siblings were all very 'sexualised at a really early age, in fact from the age of three I was fixated by playing doctors and nurses with members of the opposite sex. I think that sort of thing is quite normal but for me it was a real fixation. As an adult I've had a really high libido. Generally I'm very uncomfortable when people touch me, I avoid greeting by hugging or kissing,. But I love and crave the touch of my partner. I think in the deep recesses of my mind I place a deeper sexual/love meaning to 'touching' than is normal. If my partner hasn't touched me in day I feel deeply rejected, unappealing and unloved.
Does this ring true with anyone or do you think I'm just making assumptions?
I'm in my 40s and suffered with anxiety all my lifer. Recently diagnosed with PTSD. Mainly believed to be attributed to a mother whose unpredictable mood resulted in many a physical beating.
I know my father molested another family member when they were a young child, but only found out about this recently. He molested other children as well.
I can't remember my father doing anything to me but recently I remembered a recurring dream I had as a child, at least my mermory puts it as a dream but I remember the 'dream' feeling very emotional and physically real.
Basically what I remember of them was everything was dark, I may have been under the covers. I couldn't move bercause of a heavy weight on me and there was a loud sound of a beating heart. I used to wake with a start to find one of my parents in my bedroom (can't remember which one) I always assumed they had come in to comfort me because they knew I was having a dream. Anouther reoccuring dream was of a man who lived in our attic, who would come down at night and either chase me down the stairs or wait for me to come home and peer out of my bedroom window wIting for me.
Nothing else makes me suspicious except me and my siblings were all very 'sexualised at a really early age, in fact from the age of three I was fixated by playing doctors and nurses with members of the opposite sex. I think that sort of thing is quite normal but for me it was a real fixation. As an adult I've had a really high libido. Generally I'm very uncomfortable when people touch me, I avoid greeting by hugging or kissing,. But I love and crave the touch of my partner. I think in the deep recesses of my mind I place a deeper sexual/love meaning to 'touching' than is normal. If my partner hasn't touched me in day I feel deeply rejected, unappealing and unloved.
Does this ring true with anyone or do you think I'm just making assumptions?