Warm greetings to those who stop by to read this. I am a 64 year old, female, only child raised by a divorced (never remarried, still alive, in her late 80s) mother. I have no memory of my father.
My mother has never been diagnosed, but I believe she scores high on the narcissism and borderline personality disorder scales. She also exhibits signs of being a psychopath. She abused me physically, emotionally, financially and sexually. She was cruel and violent to me.
I remained silent in order to survive. But I experienced horrifying flashbacks for years.
Several years ago she abruptly sold her house and moved across country to live with my husband and I. That was when my panic attacks escalated. Up until that time I had few memories for childhood. Years are still missing. But slowly Pandora's Box has opened and some memories roared out.
My mother is now in her late 80s and is showing signs of significant cognitive deterioration. She now lives in a nice retirement apartment community which provides meals, transportation, and housekeeping. She is well off financially. I try to only have face to face contact once a month.
She only calls when she wants something. I gray rock her about my life and she doesn't notice.
I'm in therapy, but every day is a struggle. I also spend time reading various online support forums. This site and Out of the Fog are my two favorites. The community here seem extraordinarily compassionate and wise.
I want to say a heartfelt thank you for letting join the forum, and also for letting me remain in the shadows for so long. I took a lot of courage for me to post today. I wish I could have made this briefer. I find it difficult to stop once I start speaking the truth. This is the sixth draft!
My mother has never been diagnosed, but I believe she scores high on the narcissism and borderline personality disorder scales. She also exhibits signs of being a psychopath. She abused me physically, emotionally, financially and sexually. She was cruel and violent to me.
I remained silent in order to survive. But I experienced horrifying flashbacks for years.
Several years ago she abruptly sold her house and moved across country to live with my husband and I. That was when my panic attacks escalated. Up until that time I had few memories for childhood. Years are still missing. But slowly Pandora's Box has opened and some memories roared out.
My mother is now in her late 80s and is showing signs of significant cognitive deterioration. She now lives in a nice retirement apartment community which provides meals, transportation, and housekeeping. She is well off financially. I try to only have face to face contact once a month.
She only calls when she wants something. I gray rock her about my life and she doesn't notice.
I'm in therapy, but every day is a struggle. I also spend time reading various online support forums. This site and Out of the Fog are my two favorites. The community here seem extraordinarily compassionate and wise.
I want to say a heartfelt thank you for letting join the forum, and also for letting me remain in the shadows for so long. I took a lot of courage for me to post today. I wish I could have made this briefer. I find it difficult to stop once I start speaking the truth. This is the sixth draft!