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Topics - LittleBlueBird

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Friends / Battered
« on: April 16, 2020, 02:45:51 AM »
Hi guys,

I've just had a really nasty message from someone I used to spend a lot of time with - a message through a mutual acquaintance in fact. We all have cptsd.

While I don't particularly feel like I've lost a friend (the friendship deteriorated over the last few months before we stopped speaking anyway), I feel battered by her negativity and personal attacks.

At first, I just felt a bit numb. Then I felt angry. Then pretty sad. And now just numb about it all again. I've blocked her and said mutual acquaintance, so it's unlikely to happen again.

Just reaching out for a bit of moral support or something.

2
Friends / Saying goodbye
« on: July 22, 2019, 08:19:13 AM »
I had a friend who I had a really complicated relationship with from a young age. We met up a bit last year and I struggled a lot to maintain any sense of autonomy - she would suggest things, I would do them, I found her manipulative and emotionally controlling.

I kept going with the friendship, trying really hard to overlook the things I picked up as negatives. I kept overlooking and forgiving her because to be honest, that's my nature.

But things got way out of hand. I tried to get distance between us but it just wasn't working, until I had to tell her I was at breaking point.

Now I know she would have perceived things differently from me. I know she has her own struggles to deal with and yes, she also went through a lot growing up.

My problem is that I think of her almost every day and regret the way things went. When we were still in contact I struggled because I regretted the way things were and just wanted them to be different. But nothing would change because I couldnt really explain how I felt she was taking advantage of me when I was really ill, confused and depressed.

Did I do the right thing? It's constantly playing on my mind. I hate that I have cut her off because that was something she was afraid of. Very complex situation...

3
Employment / Therapy and shift work
« on: July 18, 2019, 07:22:02 AM »
Every time I see a mental health professional or talk to my GP, I'm recommended therapy. I have had a certain reluctance so far to take it up, and even though I found a great therapist earlier on this year who I really clicked with, I had to quit because of work commitments.

I currently work shifts. Anyone else in the UK have any advice about accessing therapy around shift work? Maybe I should email my therapist and ask her..?

4
Recovery Journals / LBB's Recovery Journal
« on: July 18, 2019, 07:14:17 AM »
Keeping a recovery journal seems to work well for others here, so I will give it a shot. I've just started over with a new job and new home, developed some new strong friendships and have a new set of attitudes. I've got to try very hard to keep my head above water and prepare myself for when the going will get tougher. So I'm working on building a strong foundation for those times. I'm thinking of this building as fortifying myself.

So my focus should be to:

* Keep my job, even if I find it difficult or challenging

* Keep up with friends even on the days I feel worn down. Acknowledge that I'm needed by other people and I shouldn't only be around when it suits me

* Sleep less in the day (power naps are okay but anything longer than 30 mins isn't good)

* Eat well - healthily and how I mean to eat for the rest of my life. Not snacking on unhealthy food or binging because others are or I'm having a low, not skipping meals because I can't be bothered to cook or wash up or don't feel hungry

* Keep up with my yoga practice, and meditate at least 3 minutes every day

* Not over spend when I feel like there's enough in the bank to treat myself/others, but save for a rainy day

* Keep self care a priority and not neglect myself if I feel like I don't deserve that care, or like it won't make a difference if I don't look after myself

That should do for now...

5
Introductory Post / Back again
« on: July 17, 2019, 08:22:56 PM »
Hello all. I've been here before and found I needed to take a break as difficult things were going on for me and my mental health was suffering. Feel I can return to the forum now that things have somewhat settled and I'm more stable. Lots of life changes but I'm coping well enough. Good to be back.

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