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Topics - Rainstorm11

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Other / Objectification
« on: January 05, 2020, 06:27:45 AM »
Hello. Ironically my mother encouraged me to confront my father about objectifying me and others. He replied sorry and said he never knew he was doing that. But then he got upset and talked about avoiding everyone and just being alone. To me he made himself the victim and I felt his apology wasn't sincere? He was so constantly inappropriate I lived in total anxiety and fear. I don't believe he had no idea what he did. Please let me know what you think?

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Hello. I have felt some progress with depression but not anxiety the nervousness, shakiness, nightmares, et c. Increased as the depression inked down.
I suffer ongoing almost daily verbal abuse from a fam member. That person suffers emotional and financial abuse from their spouse.
I am dependent for various issues. I fear regularly this person will act on their threats to move away which would leave me destitute. My anxiety is all over the place.
Thank you for reading.

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General Discussion / Personality Disorder of victim
« on: October 08, 2019, 06:52:28 AM »
Recently in therapy it has been suggested that due to the traumas I might have borderline personality disorder? I've read about it and known people diagnosed with it. But, it's been very emotional especially since I haven't had therapy for weeks cancelled on both ends.
I am left to see part of myself in this disorder and on edge. My therapist cancelled this week but I asked if she can see me another time. I feel like I can't talk to anyone else about it.

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Sexual Abuse / Defining sexual abuse ****TW***
« on: August 01, 2019, 08:53:33 PM »
Trigger Warning sexual abuse content
**************

I have serious questions about incidences I previously mentioned plus new trauma details.

I am confused about what to call what my father did and the way he objectified me. My therapists haven't said his behavior of masterbating in front of me when I was 5, getting into bed with me and trying to get me to turn over age 11 and making consistent sexualized comments to me was abusive. They hypothesize whether he meant to do anything and why my fear of being raped by him was just a product of my sexual traumas?
I feel like I need to know those things and his anger when boys would look at me, comments on my breasts and asking me sexual questions for e.g. was actually abusive?
It all feels wrong to me. There were friends and adult women he creeped out. When I was sexually assaulted multiple times starting age 7 it increased my fears about him.
In adulthood where more sexual trauma happened I started to worry if he did molest me? Of course he denied it. I thought every man would rape me. How do I know what was abuse or just very inappropriate? 

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Neglect/Abandonment / Neglect *****Trigger Warning**
« on: July 29, 2019, 03:43:45 PM »
This post contains parentification, examples of neglect and strong images

***************

My foo won't discuss it anymore even my sibling who I could count on.
Neglect started young with not having essentials, dirty clothes we had to wear, eating ruined or moldy food. The emotional aspect was always neglected. My father was an absent tyrant. Mom was cold. At 15 mom left and I chose to run the household and raise my sibling because no one else stepped up. At least we had good food because I shopped cleaned and cooked. We had moved from our condemned trailor by then although that place still gives me nightmares. I gave up a lot. I feel bad when they foo invalidate my feelings and lie about how we were treated. I am trying to stop looking for validation like my psychiatrist said. But it's hard to do.

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Sexual Abuse / Re: Loneliness
« on: July 28, 2019, 06:27:07 PM »
Frankly I am having anxiety attacks and aversion in response to even thinking about my father. On the other hand he's one person who listens. He's changed some. I just know that he always creeped me out.

*** Trigger Warning ***

At 5 he masterbated in front of me. At 11 he got in bed with me and demanded I roll over towards him but I refused and he stomped off. I definitely don't like him touching me.
He made me question every male relationship and during and after sexual abuses I always thought all men would rape me. I went from promiscuous behaviors to times of complete aversion to sex. I hate my tendency to over-sexualize every relationship and have been in dangerous situations.
Basically it all goes back to feeling like that's what I am just a sexual object. I have worked on this and considered cutting all ties with him. This has ruined so many relationships. I want better or be single. I can't even think of dating.

7
Family of Origin (FOO) / Loneliness
« on: July 27, 2019, 04:36:00 AM »
This last week has felt so lonely and that's saying a lot because I am often by myself. My family have asked me to stop telling them about my trauma and feelings. They want me to only discuss it in therapy. I am still experiencing verbal abuse. I have suffered a lot of abuse assault and neglect.
I am very depressed as well. I keep trying to work through past traumas but it's hard especially while still being abused. My ptsd just tears me up and haunts me. My family blame me for our relationship issues with little accountability on them. I feel very alone.

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Introductory Post / Hope to make your acquaintance
« on: July 27, 2019, 04:03:39 AM »
Hello, thank you for reading this post. I have multiple traumatic years starting as a child abuse and neglect victim. I honestly dissociate often. I don't know what all to say and I am nervous. It's been hard. It's still hard. I feel very misunderstood and emotionally abandoned by most of the people in my life or literally abandoned. My severe depression and physical disabilities pushed so many away.

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