So I woke up pretty positive - went to work and chatted with my coworker - all positive.
My boss shows up and we have a never ending cycle that ends with me getting triggered and running away.
I am in a dead end job - that I thought I could like. I have no job description, no role, complete ambiguity. I spend more time complaining that I need a role, need some direction and a purpose and am told that I am on the To Do list but nothing ever changes.
When I try and engage, I am told not to answer with my own thoughts, but instead coached on how I "should" respond. I start to feel crossed boundaries, and the room goes quiet because all of this always happens with other people in the room and now I'm the source of negativity, even though I just want to collaborate with others. I keep running away from the situation because for 2 and a half years I have made suggestions and cut off before I can finish talking, telling me "don't try and sell me" - I am holding on to all of the projects I tried to help get off the list - and I feel that my efforts are sabotaged and then I'm replaced with someone else who never gets the same responses as I do...
I feel like this is an impossible situation - even though I really want to overcome it, but the conversation feels like a never ending cycle that will never change.
I am drained, i have nightmares about this place, I'm hurt because I don't feel like a valued player, and that somehow I have become a scapegoat - much like I was in my family. If I try and bring joy - it's stifled - If I try and express myself as an adult - it's stifled or censored or i'm told how to behave. I had an emotional flashback today while trying to once again approach this problem with my boss and it reminded me of my family. DAMMIT!
Is it me or them, I don't know how to fix it! I want to heal from this - not quit and give up but it feels impossible
My boss shows up and we have a never ending cycle that ends with me getting triggered and running away.
I am in a dead end job - that I thought I could like. I have no job description, no role, complete ambiguity. I spend more time complaining that I need a role, need some direction and a purpose and am told that I am on the To Do list but nothing ever changes.
When I try and engage, I am told not to answer with my own thoughts, but instead coached on how I "should" respond. I start to feel crossed boundaries, and the room goes quiet because all of this always happens with other people in the room and now I'm the source of negativity, even though I just want to collaborate with others. I keep running away from the situation because for 2 and a half years I have made suggestions and cut off before I can finish talking, telling me "don't try and sell me" - I am holding on to all of the projects I tried to help get off the list - and I feel that my efforts are sabotaged and then I'm replaced with someone else who never gets the same responses as I do...
I feel like this is an impossible situation - even though I really want to overcome it, but the conversation feels like a never ending cycle that will never change.
I am drained, i have nightmares about this place, I'm hurt because I don't feel like a valued player, and that somehow I have become a scapegoat - much like I was in my family. If I try and bring joy - it's stifled - If I try and express myself as an adult - it's stifled or censored or i'm told how to behave. I had an emotional flashback today while trying to once again approach this problem with my boss and it reminded me of my family. DAMMIT!
Is it me or them, I don't know how to fix it! I want to heal from this - not quit and give up but it feels impossible