Hi everyone, I've noticed that when my CPTSD is particularly triggered, I have trouble eating. I feel hungry but nauseous and I end up not eating as much as I should, no matter how hungry I am. It usually takes me a few days to get back to normal or even a couple of weeks. Does anybody else have this issue? If so, what do you do? I know that I need to eat in order to be healthy, but when I'm emotionally dysregulated my appetite is one of the first things to go. This makes it difficult to do self soothing activities like exercise or even simpler physical activity like light walks, because I feel weak. I remember as a kid often having stomachaches/feeling nauseous and even throwing up when I was too anxious about things. I've never had any type of eating disorder so I'm trying to figure out where this comes from and how to fix it. Thank you for any advice or guidance.
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#2
Symptoms - Other / Loss of appetite
December 17, 2019, 08:08:00 PM
Hi everyone, I've noticed that when my CPTSD is particularly triggered, I have trouble eating. I feel hungry but nauseous and I end up not eating as much as I should, no matter how hungry I am. It usually takes me a few days to get back to normal or even a couple of weeks. Does anybody else have this issue? If so, what do you do? I know that I need to eat in order to be healthy, but when I'm emotionally dysregulated my appetite is one of the first things to go. This makes it difficult to do self soothing activities like exercise or even simpler physical activity like light walks, because I feel weak. I remember as a kid often having stomachaches/feeling nauseous and even throwing up when I was too anxious about things. I've never had any type of eating disorder so I'm trying to figure out where this comes from and how to fix it. Thank you for any advice or guidance.
#3
Dating; Marriage/Divorce; In-Laws / Going through couples' therapy...need support
September 08, 2019, 07:05:58 PM
Hi everyone, I am new to this forum and so thankful I found this website. I'll provide some background on myself and my relationship, because there is a lot going on here. I really am struggling and in need of some support from people who understand my experience.
I have C-PTSD from my childhood. My parents divorced when I was about 7 years old, but it seems like it was a process that took forever. My mother has severe mental health issues, including possible borderline personality disorder. There was one instance of abandonment that in recent years I'm realizing affected me more than I thought. I was about 5 years old and woke up to find that my mother was not home. I was scared and alone all day; she wasn't on her medication and was planning to go for a drive to calm down and be home before I woke up, but she got into a car accident. I ended up having to spend a night in a shelter and then moving to live with my dad in another state. My father was never emotionally supportive, was extremely critical/condescending, verbally and somewhat physically abusive. My brother was always bullying me and so were children at school. I really grew up without any emotional support whatsoever, which I've been processing in therapy over the last few months. My mom and I got closer in high school and I moved back to live with her the last 2 years of high school. I have distanced myself from my parents in the past few years due to political differences and realizing how badly they hurt me as a child. My brother and I have gotten closer, but he unfortunately lives in another state right now and he doesn't fully recognize how badly our parents traumatized us. I only really started to realize how much my trauma has affected me and my relationship when I started working as a child therapist with the birth to five population starting in 2016.
On top of all my childhood trauma, I also had a traumatic experience in college shortly before I met my current boyfriend. I met this guy and fell in love with him, but he was only using me as a rebound from his fiance who cheated on him. He told me that the reason he tried to have some kind of relationship with me was because he wanted to hurt somebody as badly as his fiance had hurt him. So that was definitely not helpful for someone with severe abandonment issues.
Onto my relationship: my boyfriend and I met in college when we were both 20 years old. We've been together about 8.5 years. He was also traumatized as a child; he was a refugee and his father abused him and his mother before abandoning them when he was about 4-5 years old. His mother was extremely critical and took out all of her emotions/trauma on him as a child. We developed completely different attachment styles, me being anxious and him being avoidant.
There has been a lot of uncertainty in our relationship over the past few years and we recently started couples' therapy to sort out if we can have a future together. I spent a significant amount of our relationship taking out my past trauma on him. I was incredibly toxic and emotionally abusive. He would distance himself from me when I treated him like this, which perpetuated the cycle (me feeling abandoned, him feeling overwhelmed). We have both improved our communication in recent years to the point where we can be completely open about everything that's happened between us. I've improved my ability to notice when I am being triggered and not burden him with that. He has improved at being less critical of me. We are best friends and get along well, have fun together, and have similar values, but our trauma has caused so much damage to our relationship. In a way we understand each other because of our experiences, but unfortunately our own traumas have triggered each other.
For several years in our relationship, there was also conflict because I was very religious and he's an atheist. I have since abandoned my religious beliefs for various reasons. However, this caused a lot of issues with regards to intimacy and concern about the future. For several years, I was pushing him to get married because everybody I knew was getting married. He was uncertain about marriage because he really couldn't express to me anything that he was feeling; I would shut him down and turn it back on how HE was hurting ME. Religious differences are no longer an issue, but I know that also caused a significant amount of guilt and shame for both of us.
We started couples' therapy and have had about 5-6 sessions. During the last session, we talked about how there is no emotional safety in our relationship. It was a really hard session and we almost broke up. He was the one who wanted to schedule another session sooner, even being willing to rearrange his work schedule so we could go. After therapy, I told him to end it if he really felt like there was no hope, but he didn't. I spent 2 hours crying in his arms, with him holding me and telling me how sad he is to see me hurting so much. We are still together because, like I mentioned, we really are best friends and would miss each other so much if we broke up. However, there is so much resentment there on his part, a lot of which he has expressed is directed towards himself because there were some instances where he felt he should have broken up with me but he didn't. There's so much hurt and pain and I wish I could take back everything I've done to him. I'm just so afraid that nothing I do will be good enough to keep our relationship.
I know some of this is my past trauma talking, but I'm so scared of losing him. Since our therapy session last Monday, this fear has been triggering me so much. I've had a lot of emotional flashbacks, been crying almost constantly, had trouble feeling hopeful about the future. It was actually the other day that I found this website and the description of emotional flashbacks, which made me feel so empowered because I was finally able to name what's been going on for me. I've felt triggered during some of my therapy sessions for work and let my clinical director know what is going on. He was supportive and I'm also going to talk to my supervisor tomorrow.
I just want so badly to be able to repair my relationship, but I know my boyfriend is exhausted by everything I've put him through. I'm trying so hard to fix what I can, but I'm so worried about him leaving me. He's the only person who has been there for me consistently throughout so many losses in my life, even when i treated him badly and wasn't there for him. I just feel stuck in this dark place because I know it will take work to get through this, whether or not we break up. I'm seeing my therapist on Tuesday but I feel like I don't have a lot of people I can reach out to about this. I don't want to overwhelm my boyfriend with what I'm feeling either, because I constantly did that in the past without considering his needs.
If anybody has advice, kind words, or other suggestions I'd really appreciate it. Thank you.
I have C-PTSD from my childhood. My parents divorced when I was about 7 years old, but it seems like it was a process that took forever. My mother has severe mental health issues, including possible borderline personality disorder. There was one instance of abandonment that in recent years I'm realizing affected me more than I thought. I was about 5 years old and woke up to find that my mother was not home. I was scared and alone all day; she wasn't on her medication and was planning to go for a drive to calm down and be home before I woke up, but she got into a car accident. I ended up having to spend a night in a shelter and then moving to live with my dad in another state. My father was never emotionally supportive, was extremely critical/condescending, verbally and somewhat physically abusive. My brother was always bullying me and so were children at school. I really grew up without any emotional support whatsoever, which I've been processing in therapy over the last few months. My mom and I got closer in high school and I moved back to live with her the last 2 years of high school. I have distanced myself from my parents in the past few years due to political differences and realizing how badly they hurt me as a child. My brother and I have gotten closer, but he unfortunately lives in another state right now and he doesn't fully recognize how badly our parents traumatized us. I only really started to realize how much my trauma has affected me and my relationship when I started working as a child therapist with the birth to five population starting in 2016.
On top of all my childhood trauma, I also had a traumatic experience in college shortly before I met my current boyfriend. I met this guy and fell in love with him, but he was only using me as a rebound from his fiance who cheated on him. He told me that the reason he tried to have some kind of relationship with me was because he wanted to hurt somebody as badly as his fiance had hurt him. So that was definitely not helpful for someone with severe abandonment issues.
Onto my relationship: my boyfriend and I met in college when we were both 20 years old. We've been together about 8.5 years. He was also traumatized as a child; he was a refugee and his father abused him and his mother before abandoning them when he was about 4-5 years old. His mother was extremely critical and took out all of her emotions/trauma on him as a child. We developed completely different attachment styles, me being anxious and him being avoidant.
There has been a lot of uncertainty in our relationship over the past few years and we recently started couples' therapy to sort out if we can have a future together. I spent a significant amount of our relationship taking out my past trauma on him. I was incredibly toxic and emotionally abusive. He would distance himself from me when I treated him like this, which perpetuated the cycle (me feeling abandoned, him feeling overwhelmed). We have both improved our communication in recent years to the point where we can be completely open about everything that's happened between us. I've improved my ability to notice when I am being triggered and not burden him with that. He has improved at being less critical of me. We are best friends and get along well, have fun together, and have similar values, but our trauma has caused so much damage to our relationship. In a way we understand each other because of our experiences, but unfortunately our own traumas have triggered each other.
For several years in our relationship, there was also conflict because I was very religious and he's an atheist. I have since abandoned my religious beliefs for various reasons. However, this caused a lot of issues with regards to intimacy and concern about the future. For several years, I was pushing him to get married because everybody I knew was getting married. He was uncertain about marriage because he really couldn't express to me anything that he was feeling; I would shut him down and turn it back on how HE was hurting ME. Religious differences are no longer an issue, but I know that also caused a significant amount of guilt and shame for both of us.
We started couples' therapy and have had about 5-6 sessions. During the last session, we talked about how there is no emotional safety in our relationship. It was a really hard session and we almost broke up. He was the one who wanted to schedule another session sooner, even being willing to rearrange his work schedule so we could go. After therapy, I told him to end it if he really felt like there was no hope, but he didn't. I spent 2 hours crying in his arms, with him holding me and telling me how sad he is to see me hurting so much. We are still together because, like I mentioned, we really are best friends and would miss each other so much if we broke up. However, there is so much resentment there on his part, a lot of which he has expressed is directed towards himself because there were some instances where he felt he should have broken up with me but he didn't. There's so much hurt and pain and I wish I could take back everything I've done to him. I'm just so afraid that nothing I do will be good enough to keep our relationship.
I know some of this is my past trauma talking, but I'm so scared of losing him. Since our therapy session last Monday, this fear has been triggering me so much. I've had a lot of emotional flashbacks, been crying almost constantly, had trouble feeling hopeful about the future. It was actually the other day that I found this website and the description of emotional flashbacks, which made me feel so empowered because I was finally able to name what's been going on for me. I've felt triggered during some of my therapy sessions for work and let my clinical director know what is going on. He was supportive and I'm also going to talk to my supervisor tomorrow.
I just want so badly to be able to repair my relationship, but I know my boyfriend is exhausted by everything I've put him through. I'm trying so hard to fix what I can, but I'm so worried about him leaving me. He's the only person who has been there for me consistently throughout so many losses in my life, even when i treated him badly and wasn't there for him. I just feel stuck in this dark place because I know it will take work to get through this, whether or not we break up. I'm seeing my therapist on Tuesday but I feel like I don't have a lot of people I can reach out to about this. I don't want to overwhelm my boyfriend with what I'm feeling either, because I constantly did that in the past without considering his needs.
If anybody has advice, kind words, or other suggestions I'd really appreciate it. Thank you.
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