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Topics - ShadowsOfLuna

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Having an Exceptionally Difficult Day / Feeling lost, dark, stuck again
« on: November 22, 2019, 12:45:20 AM »
Today on my facebook memory crap thing on my feed. You know the one thats like "this day last year look at this post you made" well mine showed up showing me a post I made where I felt just as dark and depressed last year. Now I just feel like all of this work Ive done this past year is worthless and Ive come full circle.

Then my ex, who I was happy about coming in my life again, "needs a break for a few days". Whatever. I know we weren't officially together again but. I just had opened up to them a lot in response to them reaching out to "make things right." and I didn't really get a response to those things.

To make things worse, when they broke up with me last year, they said it was because I wasnt recovering fast enough and they had to take care of themselves.

So look, Im still not doing better, and people still just leave.

Also I dont have a family or anywhere to go for Thanksgiving and the holidays. Everything public is churched based, which I have trauma from. And it just feels terrible to not even be invited anywhere. Its so different when youre saying no to invitations compared to when you have none to respond to. :'(

I feel so disappointed in myself and my lack of ability to make friends and connections that are meaningful and lasting. And Im ashamed I even need people at all. Everyone else always seems to want more time alone. Or maybe its just time away from me. I wouldn't know the difference.

Anyway I just have nowhere else to talk right now.

Thank you for reading.

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Well yesterday after trying to tell my cousin how alone I feel and how scared and how hurt that I am always left out. I came out about my eating disorder to someone who boasts how supportive she is, and essentially she made sure I knew I had no reason to keep trying with them. My feelings went unacknowledged but they did make sure that I wouldn't reach out again. They are always bragging about my other cousin's remarkable fight and recovery from her ED. And they dont care that Ive almost died from my own a few times.

So that takes the few family I have left and cuts them in half.

Then therapy canceled for the week because of the snowstorm we're getting. Oh but I still need to work. And if Im not pushing myself to go to work, the isolation becomes to much.

People are confusing and it really feels like I cannot win. :'(

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Having an Exceptionally Difficult Day / Afraid to go to sleep.
« on: September 29, 2019, 02:53:08 AM »
Hey All,

I am new to these forums, (did post in introductions, but in case you havent seen me yet Im Luna)

This morning I struggled for about 5 hours straight starting at 6am with really terrible nightmares. And I feel like it could also have included more developing sleep apnea. I ordered the right stuff for the breathing issues, but for now I am just totally afraid to go to sleep tonight. I can't handle more nightmares, but I am not a danger to myself so really all I see myself being able to do is wait and bide my time.

Does anyone else deal with feeling really afraid to go to sleep? What tricks have helped you? I definitely need something to do about it, and feeling really really stuck.

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Introductory Post / Hey
« on: September 29, 2019, 02:48:38 AM »
 Hello all,

My name is Luna and I am new to these boards but not to CPTSD. I am struggling being on my own without family or many close friendships. Some short backstory is I came from a really abusive family and I wound up in some dangerous situations that led me to move across the country. Which is a life I am building, but there is a lot to struggle with in the meantime.

I am 29, F, in the USA.

I also really really love wolves. And art.

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