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I would like to join a live conversation support group, either face-to-face, or using voice conference call (doesn't need to be video conference call)

I live in the greater Philadelphia area. If there is already a F2F support group in this area for CPTSD, please reply here, or if you feel more comfortable about it, send me a private message.

If there's no F2F in my geographical area, I'd like to participate in regular voice meetings - either using phone or using the internet (VOIP)

If neither of those is possible, can someone point me towards resources to help me figure out how to start this kind of support group? What things to set from the beginning, what things to leave flexible until the group gels a bit, how to get it off the ground, what pitfalls to avoid, etc?

Thank you!
"Chris"

Good morning!

I have a question. When I write and post content on this forum,  do I relinquish copyright ownership of my material? I went back to the registration form to find this out,  but I didn't see anything.  Thanks!

[Modification: added an 's' to 'owns' in the Subject of the thread. --Chris366]

[live]

For just a few seconds, you were with me there, this morning. All curled up under the blankets, snug, warm, and safe. And then the feeling fled. I need you... Please don't go.

Why do I feels safe in these rare and fleeting moments, and feel so sad, hurt, angry, scared, lonely, anxious,    the rest of the time? Ninety-nine percent of the time or more, I'm not safe. I'm not safe from my self, even if I'm safe from everything external to my self.

So many labels which could apply. Bipolar. Schzoid affective. Addict. Social affective disorder. Complex-ptsd. Such serious, adult words.

"You" are none of these things. You're a precious, quiet, shy, observant, sensitive child who didn't (and still doesn't) deserve to be screamed at, verbally and emotionally abused, and then, maybe worst of all, ignored when it wasn't convenient to give you attention.

I'm looking for you. I want to know what you are feeling, what you are thinking, how you perceive the world, what makes you laugh, what peaks your curiosity, what is fun and playful for you. You matter to me. All of these things about you matter to me. I can't go back and change the past. I can only live here, and now. I want you to live here and now with me, with a full breath in our lungs, and happy tears streaming down our face. I hope it isn't too late. I pray I can be strong enough, wise enough, loving enough, compassionate enough, for you - to be here and now with me.

Are you looking for me? How will we find each other? Please, be there. I want to live a life filled with joy and happiness, and I can't do it without you.

--"Chris"

I'm

* grateful that OOTS exists

* intimidated by the number of rules and their details, afraid I'll break them and be punished or banned. That could be CPTSD at work - my not feeling safe when there's little reason to feel fear.

* afraid to feel hopeful that this forum can help me, because I feel so broken, misunderstood, and haven't found the healing I've needed for so long

* afraid to be around other people. I don't like having to pretend there's nothing wrong. It takes huge effort to "pass" in social situations. I hate the feeling of being a fake, and feeling exhausted afterward. There's always an undercurrent of "If these people only knew..." accompanied by a mix of longing, anger, hatred, jealousy, fear, and self-loathing.

* afraid to trust

* unable to remember most of my life

* unable to form meaningful relationships. All my relationships are shallow or overwrought with drama, with the exception of my relationship with my therapist. In the past, all my relationships seem to have blown up, so I have no friends from childhood, twenties, etc.

* unable to regulate my emotions - sometimes I feel like a star going supernova

* a "behaviroal" (non-chemical) addict; I try to bury and escape anything unpleasant in fantasy or in something unreal

* unwilling to give up on myself, unwilling to allow my childhood trauma strangle and define the *rest* of my life. At least, not without a fight.