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Topics - steamy

#1
I have just started Peter Levine's "Waking the Tiger - Healing Trauma"

his methods are supposed to work without having to re-experience all your old trauma. Therefore I should be all fixed by the end of the week lol.

I will let you all know how it goes.


#2
A few years ago I read "The seasons of a man's life" by Daniel Levinson.

The book is a number of studies of subjects as they pass from leaving school to late adulthood. It models that all people must pass through certain stages in their development. I picked up the book again a couple of weeks back and the CPTSD cases jump right out!

As far as I see, in common with my own experience, decades of trying hard, seeing ones  own potential, but that potential was never recognised by others, as we know we are sending out "don't trust us" signals. Ultimately, the cases either settled for much less, going from dreams of middle management to a blue collar job, or being unable to hold down a job, losing ones family and becoming destitute. Both guys that I identified suffered significant health issues.

The book is now 25-30 years old but still valid, it would be good if this could be updated to see how the generations are coping with modern technology, deskilling and outsourcing.

Levinson also conducted studies of the lives of 45 womnen over 25 years, the study is now dated and to some degree has lost most of its validity in modern society.
#3
General Discussion / Bit of a crisis
November 08, 2015, 11:24:18 PM
Hi all,

I am in a bit of a mess and just need some support. I have been with a lady for 6years now. For most of that time I worked away. We have a small boy of two. Being away I only came home for a week every three months but since I lost my job I am here full time.

I have CPTSD and am in that decreasing spiral, too many failed opportunities and I have accumulated a bit of debt. Being with my son full time has been beneficial, but it has triggered a lot of memories. I have become really low and have quite a bad preoccupation with death.

We live in the same building as her parents who have my son for a few hours each day I have never been on great terms with her mother and I just blew up at her father a week ago.

This all doesn't appear very attractive to my SO and I have tried to get her to understand CPTSD.

she is not interested in helping me, she read some of the bloom paper and told me it was too difficult to understand. She will not engage in any kind of discussion about it.

She has become cold and has pretty much indicated that she would rather I was not here. This triggers all my abandonment fears and makes me even more down.

I would get out but I have no money and nowhere to go, so I must try to stay until I have work again. I have spent the last few months with my son and now have a strong bond that I don't want to break.

I try not to engage in end of the relationship chats I have been through this before, I always find myself with women who turn out to be cold and unable to love, so by the age of 48 I guess I have it nailed!

I am not in my home country,  I have no friends here and feel like every one is ganging up on me. I am also being denied the opportunity to explain why I am the way I am.

I can see that I am being scapegoated, but there is no way to talk about what is going on. I have tried but clearly I am crazy. The trouble is their denial is triggering me and I need to run.
#4
Books & Articles / Books on childhood trauma
November 02, 2015, 01:46:44 AM
I have been reading Alice Miller's book, "For your own good" a must read for those who want to understand the motives behind the socialization of childhood cruelty. I think that a lot of her work is well regarded.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Your-Own-Good-Child-Rearing-Violence-ebook/dp/B007237VUA/ref=la_B000APM0AI_1_8?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1446428708&sr=1-8
#5
Books & Articles / Brain function
October 04, 2015, 03:43:53 PM
My son has epilepsy and suspected autism and recently went for a SPECT scan to check his brain function. I started to get interested in brain function to try to have some idea what the prognosis might be for him. While doing my research I found this chapter of a book about the structure and function of the brain and its relation to anti_social behaviour (criminality), but I found plenty of references to child abuse and PTSD. It seems that abuse changes the structure of the brain and therefore it's function.

What I surmise from what I have read if that many of the symptoms that survivors of child abuse have different brain structure that pre-disposes us to learning problems, depression and other behavioural issues. This probably explains why we have such poor results from cognitive therapy.

Luckily the brain is able to regenerate but it's important that the right treatment is used to facilitate that.

From my own perspective I think that the self perpetuating nature of cptsd through our interpersonal problems does not allow us to easily engage in regeneration of the brain.

What I feel is required is a system of mentoring that could work in a way that younger people might learn new ways of understanding and finding our place in the world.

https://www.google.hr/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://www.sagepub.com/sites/default/files/upm-binaries/23212_Chapter_5.pdf&ved=0CCIQFjADahUKEwiJyZPAhqnIAhXHWRoKHbhiDj4&usg=AFQjCNGOFXHxEnX_vaBrcTq_RCDaq-KFwA
#6
Parenting / Parenting
September 27, 2015, 08:47:18 PM
Does anybody else have young kids and if so does your extensive reading of psychology and experience with your own parents influence the way you treat your kids? Does it therefore conflict with your spouse's opinion?

I am finding this very difficult as I see my partner behaving in ways that might influence my child. She refguses to discuss anything and objects to reading any literature that I recommend to her and thinks that she has no problems. Her mother is an insomniac and my partner has chronic constipation, father and daughter both become mr. Hyde when they get behind the wheel, so I surmise that all is not what you see. I am fairly convinced of the inevitable decline of our relationship if she continues to ignore my point of view.

I have to admit that I am oversensitive to things relating to my kids, but I have always been open about my PTSD / cptsd.

Or son has epilepsy and autism so needs the support of both parents but I really can't put up with the arrogant blinkered attitude. I do think that relationship therapy would be a great idea but I doubt if she would come.

Anybody else had or having similar experiences?
#7
Therapy / Self discovery - personality types
September 09, 2015, 08:49:12 AM
Hi all,

I often see the word personality come up in posts. I am a big fan of psychometric testing, and wonder if folks like us with CPTSD have similar personality types. I am an INFP, introverted, intuitive , feeling perciever, - I live in a world of my own and and massively idealistic. I wonder if this comes from the years of disassociation - dreaming and hoping for a better tomorrow during my child hood, creating a fantasy world to escape harsh reality.

I am not a psychologist but wonder if people who develop cptsd later in life have already developed their personality type or if trauma changes it. I understand that it's difficult to change personality type, I have been INFP for 20 years at least.

If anybody is interested here is a link for a free questionnaire to determine personality type, it would be interesting to see what other members types are so I would like to invite you to post results below, if you feel OK with it, also mention if you are a cptsd survivor from child hood or later in life:

I am INFP and am a survivor of child hood trauma.

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes1.htm

Warm wishes
#8
Employment / The inner critic
September 07, 2015, 09:05:05 PM
Today I resolved to register in the UK as a health practitioner. I decided to take a look at all the people that had recently been "struck off" the register.

I started to get scared and then depressed. I realised that my inner critic was telling me stuff, as I read the cases of therapists failing to keep adequate records, having lack of empathy, social workers failing to take action for at risk kid etc. my inner critic was telling me, "that's you, having an affair with a patient, stealing money, skipping work - that could easily be you, "

At the same that I was thankful to be able to hear the critic bringing me down, I wondered about all of those people who had not only lost their jobs but their livelihoods. Of course I understand that the NHS needs to protect patients first and foremost, but I felt that many of the people losing their jobs were very likely suffering some kind of mental health problem and their dismissal might just be their disorder materialising in their behaviour.

I was reminded that if we find anybody who genuinely is able to accept us as we are we are very lucky indeed. If the NHS on the one hand recognises cptsd  and other mental disorders and provides treatment, they are unable to screen staff before they are hired or during their employment to enable employees to get treatment to avoid being struck off the register or more importantly to protect the patient, rather than the current practice of waiting for people to mess up, which  ultimately might kill the patient,  then spend a fortune on a witch hunt that leaves the employee hanging for two years before the hearing, causing extra stress and anxiety.

I am not suggesting that cptsd survivors make bad employees but as a survivor I have problems with interpersonal skills and is a typical issue for us. I struggle to keep working relationships fresh.

It seems to me that the regulatory body is simply one that is a right wing mechanism that lacks compassion and understanding, existing only to extract £100 per year from 200,000 professionals to hang people who make mistakes rather than prevention. This has been a criticism of other commentators who feel that the NHS would benefit from staff sharing and learning from their mistakes to avoid repetition.
#9
Please Introduce Yourself Here / New member old story
August 28, 2015, 11:37:04 AM
Hi all, 
I am not sure where to begin. I have just in the past few weeks realised that I have cptsd, I was in therapy about 6 years ago, my therapist at the time was a great guy, told me I had PTSD but at the time I considered it to be like PTSD from the military, I served 12 years without much in the way of trauma, but was shot and wounded in Cambodia in 2003, so saw my therapy as a cumulation of traumatic incidents particularly from aggressive and psychologically abuse parents. I come from a long line of war veterans who all seemed to have survived world wars but functioned relatively poorly when they were demobbed, I firmly believe that we pass on PTSD to our kids as a way of cleansing ourselves. After about 18 months I discharged myself from therapy feeling that I had come as far as I could go at that time.

In the half dozen years since, I have had as many jobs. I work in a very small profession  in the physical rehabilitation sector where everybody knows you or of you, I have resorted to working in other countries so rarely see my family. I have been fired a few times but things have never really worked out since I left the military in 1996. I have come to the point where I my work is so intermittent that I am considering bankruptcy, I have almost lost hope out having a normal life where we can afford a car and accumulate some savings.

I have a 2 year old son and realised that I have been projecting my own inner hurt child onto him. Things came to a head when my partner decided to leave him for a week with grandparents. He was fine but all my abandonment issues came out in a massive flashback. I accused her of being neglectful. Luckily I at least could understand what had happened and was able to explain myself to her.

In the past my partners have been less tolerant and really could not understand why I was the way I am.

It is so frustrating to feel so impaired and not be able to tell anybody about why I do certain things, while society is just getting to grips with people with physical disability we are still a lifetime away from giving the same respect to people with metal illness. All the gurus tell us to abandon negative people, negative people are also suffering, so abandonment is like leaving your brother with no legs to walk home. From robin skinner and john cleeses fabulous book, "life and how to survive it", mental health is like physical health: 2% of the population are supremely fit and healthy, 2% are pathologically ill and the rest of us sit somewhere on a gradient between the two points. Forgive us for we know not what we do.

Ironically I bought Pete walker's book back in June, i also did some online cognitive courses, i an not sure why, perhaps my inner self was telling me to get moving again.

Yesterday I had a disastrous job interview where I self sabotaged my chances of having a great job where I would be able to spend more time at home. I noticed the change in atmosphere in the room and  afterwards felt awful, with thoughts of having had enough of struggling when everybody else is doing so well, usual thoughts about if life is really worth all the effort. but it was not until I woke up this morning that I realised what I did and what I could have said. I am now filled with self recrimination and guilt although a small inner voice is telling me that I did my best within my capacity and all is not lost.

At the age of 48 I am still trying to reinvent myself, to find a place to work that is supportive and nurturing, I feel like I need to be rescued, apparently its one of the symptoms of cptsd. I remember as a small kid praying to a deaf and blind God for help that never materialised.  I can't help but think that surely at my stage of life I should be the nurturer. Yesterday I concluded that all of my nurturing must come from within, that's a big task.

I am looking forward to participating in the group but am a little concerned that it might simply be a forum where everybody says something like "well if you think you had it bad, my story is worse,"

Love and best wishes to all