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Topics - Katididit

#1
Personality Disorder (Perpetrator) / Parents' Passing
November 19, 2019, 07:34:24 AM
My Narcissistic father is 93 years old, with Alzheimers. The dementia has changed him from a demanding, violent, critical, dismissive, self centered individual to a pseudo nice guy. This has been confusing. I always considered myself fatherless as this man had no clue about being a parent. I am now one of his Powers of Attorney, yet he still refuses to sign documents for me, preferring to bestow that honor on my brother, the Golden Boy (also a Narc).

My mother, a manipulative, delusional * disturber, died last month. I have yet to weep, and probably never will.

For decades I distanced myself from my parents, acting only out of duty, as my efforts on their behalf have been repeatedly trivialized and dismissed. Now my father calls me daily, seeking comfort over the loss of my mother. Their relationship was completely toxic, but he misses her. I tried to support him initially, but he forgets the conversations and frankly I am tired of repeating myself. It's not unusual for him to call 20 times a day. I finally blocked him on my phone, and call him on my schedule, which isn't often.

The point of this is that the healing work I've done says that it's OK to distance oneself from one's abusers. Those that met my parents thought they were the sweetest old couple. Little did they know. The distance has been necessary to avoid being sucked back into the vortex of my childhood trauma. At the age of 65 I'm still trying to clean up their mess.

Yet I feel guilty, now my dad is at the end of his life, frail and incapacitated. The guilt is completely self imposed, but doesn't change my attitude or actions at all.

It's very strange indeed.

Thank you for reading.



#2
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Introduction
November 15, 2019, 07:22:56 AM
Greetings,

I have been very happy to find this forum. I'm a 65 year old female, and for the past couple of years I've started to come to terms with how my family history has impacted my life. My father was a narcissist, and my mother displayed some of those characteristics as well. I'm an adult with extreme social anxiety, and am co-dependent in a 40 year marriage to an alcoholic. I've sought help for both conditions, but the pieces of the puzzle didn't fit completely until I read about CPTSD. I relate to so many of the symptoms  - the flashbacks, the memory lapses, the perfectionism, the low self esteem, the desire to escape, etc. etc. It's  been enlightening to realize that traits I considered 'odd' and 'my fault' are actually results of my upbringing. I look forward to learning more in this community, and to use the knowledge as stepping stones in my recovery.