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Topics - dollyvee

#1
I came across this article today that made me reflect on the microdosing I have been undertaking for about a year now.

I sort of feel like there has been an impasse with microdosing lately. I don't feel the "click on" as I had in the past. This could be that I'm developing a tolerance even though following a 4 on/3 off protocol. However, I also think there is dissociation surfacing that I hadn't considered before. This article makes me wonder if the psychedelics are bringing up avenues that I've long closed down in regards to social learning, hence the dissociative like feelings. Tbf I think there is probably a bit of both going on. So, what if the dissociative feeling is  me relearning how to inhabit my body and interact with people from a different state of mind than I experienced as a child?

I'm not an expert, just sharing some thoughts about the journey/what is going on. Overall, I think my experience with microdosing has been quite positive.

Psychedelics Unlock Learning Windows in the Brain
https://neurosciencenews.com/psychedelics-social-learning-23466/
#2
Therapy / Dissociation and Psychedelics
April 08, 2023, 08:57:40 AM
An interesting article about psychedelics and dissociation and why psychedelics don't appear to work for some. However, there could be underlying dissociation present.

https://www.psychedelicsomatic.org/post/why-mdma-psychedelic-therapy-may-not-work-for-you

https://www.psychedelicsomatic.org/post/psilocybin-mushroom-therapy-part-2

"The other possibility is that dissociation doesn't present itself because most people who have traumatic events residing in dissociation also have many other more surface events that are appropriately available to be worked. Events that were not so overwhelming that they generate an opioid response but instead these events were milder and thus create  disturbing anxiety and fear responses that your system is allowing you to see and feel. Your MDMA and psychedelic sessions will be very effective at clearing out these more available-to-consciousness surface experiences. Your PTSD scores will go down, you'll feel a lot better for some significant period of months or years. However, the work and unfortunately the  symptoms are typically not done yet. You might be better off for the short term but the material that was hanging out in dissociation will begin to bubble to the surface because there is room for it, or rather, there is a trust for it to emerge and not destroy you."
#3
I was thinking about the connection between narcissism and social media and Dr. Ramani has started breaking it down:

TIPS FOR protecting yourself from narcissists on social media
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_m7l-IOSqfQ

How social media has shifted the scope of narcissism.
#4
Personality Disorder (Perpetrator) / Benign Narcissism
January 01, 2023, 02:17:33 PM
I think Dr. Ramani's videos are a gift that keeps on giving. Benign narcissists fall on the milder side of the NPD spectrum, and are people who instead of being cruel and exploitative are shallow, superficial, inconvenient, and unsupportive. She places them on the less antagonistic side of the spectrum.

BENIGN Narcissists: Everything you need to know
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgmfGRXi2E8

I've known a lot of people/friends like this and always thought it was me, that I was being too sensitive, or "attached." I'm thinking back to when I was 11 or 12 and excited to take this girl camping with my family. She came out to all the other friends after the trip and said I was boring. She was the cool, popular girl that already had a boyfriend etc. I feel like because I was already going through the narc routine, this helped set the bar for me on what to expect from people. Looking back now, I wonder if there was something else going on and I was too hard on myself for not being "fun" and thinking there was something wrong with me.

I had another friend who would also ditch her friends for a guy. The final straw came when she started making out with a guy in a bar that I had been talking to. I confronted her about it and she told me that she was just going through a very selfish period in her life. It sat badly with me for a long time, like was I being too ridiculous fro saying something. I got validation when her best friend told me that she did something equally bad to her and that they no longer talk, but I did need that confirmation.

I do feel I can also, or have also put a lot on friendships, but also that wanting supportive friendships is not such a wild idea. That perhaps because of my upbringing, I've been just accepting certain behaviours without thinking that perhaps it is also a kind of narcissism, one that I am used to.
#5
I've been listening to a few of Dr. Ramani's youtube videos and this one was, wow!! for me. I thought she did a very good job of breaking down different types of parental narcissism. I think it's very often difficult to see how something is "covert" or "overt." I tried for a long time, with lots of back and forth, to see how my gm or m fitted in, and it raised doubts if they were a narcissist etc. I see now that my gf was a self-righteous narcissist and the description fits him to a tee, even down to being miserly and overly cautious with money. My m is probably an opportunistic narc though also with traits of grandiose, my sf a malignant narc, and my gm a covert/victim narc. Maybe I get a prize for one of each hahaha (besides a lifetime of trauma and a robbed childhood of course).

I think it's a lot more validating for my experience to know that no matter if I was gaslit, this was a thing.

The 5 types of narcissistic parents
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UU7U7srYz6U

#6
I've been dealing with health issues for about 10 years now (SIBO, weight gain, fatigue, brain fog, anxiety) and just happened to nail it down with the help of my functional medicine practitioner. What stands out to me is that it can mimic a lot of emotional stuff people with CPTSD go through, and can be hard to tease apart what is coming from trauma and what is from mycotoxins, mold (or lyme as the case may be).

Looking back I can see now that when I moved into the temporary accommodation where I lived at the time, and where I started getting fatigue and weight gain, there was mold. There wasn't a massive amount either, just a little on the ceiling. I never had the experience of living in a place with mold before (that I remembered at the time) but I knew it wasn't good for you. I moved out a few months after into somewhere without mold and felt better until I moved into another apartment that had an ensuite where I became really sick. However, I didn't see any mold but now wonder if there was an issue behind the tile/shower in the bathroom. This continued until I moved again where I started to get a little better but knew something was wrong. The doctors did all sorts of tests (thyroid, diabetes etc) and told me that they couldn't see anything wrong, it was basically all in my head. They did find that I had h pylori and I knew that I reacted very badly to gluten. I moved two times more and started to focus more on training and watching calories in a healthy way (1800-1900 per day w/ training 4x week). I started to lose weight and as long as I hit my calories, and I went down 6kgs in about 6 weeks. What also happened is that I became extremely sick one night at a work drinks after having a glass and a half of wine. I was so drunk that I blacked out but was still functioning. The medic had to step in and say that no, I was not drinking irresponsibly, my body just gets toxic very fast. 

During covid I moved again into a new place (that had no apparent signs of mold). I wanted to get back in shape after not really being in the gym for a year and started on the same diet and exercise program, but lost no weight. I thought this was related to covid and perhaps it had damaged my gut bacteria. To me, I could lose weight before covid, but not after. My functional medicine practitioner suggested that mold might be the underlying cause of my SIBO and I thought she was crazy. But I started to read more and realize that made sense as I had also moved during covid. There is a room in this apartment that has some water damage but I didn't really use it and didn't understand how it could be an issue. I even "forgot" (mycotoxins affect memory) that I had taken a photo of a little bit of mold forming and sent it to my landlord last October. I had a urinalysis this May which showed high levels of Ochratoxin A and Mycophenolic Acid, which are both present in water damaged buildings. I've since got an ERMI test on the apartment, after the roof has been fixed, and there are still very high levels of a number of molds, including stachyborys also known as toxic black mold. ERMI was 6.5 and 2 or lower is recommended).

Mold toxicity is very diverse and presents in people in very different ways. While I've been living in this flat I only really saw weight gain/inability to lose weight. Looking back, I think I also noticed more apathy, and a kind of mental dullness. I've also had anxiety and fatigue in the past, but I stopped eating gluten around 10 years ago and I think it helped a lot with inflammation. So, when I am exposed to mycotoxins, I think it helps that I'm not as inflamed and get less anxious as the mycotoxins produce inflammatory cytokines which cross the blood brain barrier.

This is a very long explanation but I thought it might be helpful to see how difficult it was to pinpoint this stuff. I can look back now and see that it probably goes back even further and that it was present in other members of my family. My father committed suicide and I know he also renovated our basement, which I'm sure had mold. Suicide ideation is another symptom of mold toxicity along with weight gain, migraines, OCD, and depression - all of which he had. I'm not saying there weren't other factors, but there is a lot of research on the neuropsychiatric effects of mold toxicity. I know for a lot of my life, I looked at the the cause of my feelings and reactions as emotional. Now I can see that there was also something else there. I don't think trauma wasn't/isn't a factor, but I think mold/mycotoxins exacerbated a lot of those feelings and states, and made it more difficult to heal. There's a couple other posts here on OOTS that deal with mold toxicity, and I think it's interesting that others have a similar experience where they find it difficult to pinpoint what is CPTSD and what is mold. It's a shame that they aren't posting anymore as I would be interested in hearing how they have progressed.

Mycotoxins also stay in your system until you take binders to get them out. That means that the poison circulated through your bile, accumulating and filtering through your liver until you begin to detox, which is itself a long process. It makes sense to me now that my body got toxic very fast after drinking, where the doctor I saw after told me that, I must be allergic to wine now. You can be out of a moldy environment but still have mycotoxins in your body, contributing to your health.

I've started to feel a little better I think and slowly am starting to lose weight (not in an overly vain sense - it's just the thing I could see that was "wrong" and seemed off). I wanted to put this here because I don't think a lot of people are aware of the effects of mold on your body. It can cause respiratory problems, but it also can be much more widespread. For example, it can go into your nervous system and turn it on, go into your dopaminergic system (which affects our responses to fear), and mimic neurological effects like MS as well as things like anxiety and depression. The research has been out for quite a while and it blows my mind that more is not done to enforce proper air quality in homes and workplaces. It's also estimated that 25% of the population have this genetic predisposition, which is incredibly large and likely affects a number of us.

Some info:

Household Mold Linked To Depression
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/08/070829162815.htm

When Your Brain is Stuck in Fight or Flight Mode
https://drruscio.com/brain-stuck-in-fight-or-flight-mode/

Effects of Mycotoxins on Neuropsychiatric Symptoms and Immune Processes
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0149291818302297

Mycotoxins & the Brain
https://ndnr.com/neurology/mycotoxins-the-brain/

Mechanisms of Mycotoxin-Induced Neurotoxicity through Oxidative Stress-Associated Pathways
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3179161/

Mold inhalation causes innate immune activation, neural, cognitive and emotional dysfunction
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0889159119303010

Symptoms of Mold Exposure
https://www.survivingmold.com/resources-for-patients/mold-symptoms
#7
Going down a bit of a rabbit hole today and this is an interesting connection:
https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-ptsd-fear-circuit-deficits/

https://www.additudemag.com/trauma-adhd-ptsd-causes-connection/?src=embed_link

https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-and-trauma-may-go-hand-in-hand/?src=embed_link

Posttraumatic stress disorder in adult attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder: clinical features and familial transmission:
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23561240/

PTSD and CPTSD could present together because of abnormal fear circuitry. Also, the abnormal fear circuitry gives both conditions similarities.

In some of my IFS journey's I've come across a "fear" state and/or fearful aspects of my m. Also, I feel in a lot of social situations people think I'm a fearful person (and maybe try to intimidate me). I also think I then counter this by saying, I'm not a fearful person while then maybe engaging in some risky behaviour. I always thought there was a certain intimidation/aggressiveness coming from my m which I would then respond to and maybe it is/was but it has disrupted my neural pathways/set something in motion genetically?

This is also interesting: Those with ADHD often disconnect from physical discomforts by numbing themselves with food, drugs, sex, risky behaviors, or by being workaholics. Somatic therapy offers greater physical and emotional control over the body's uncomfortable responses to distress

https://www.additudemag.com/somatic-therapy-adhd/?src=embed_link

Peoples' experiences here are also illuminating as to what is CPTSD and ADHD and how they might differentiate in feeling:
https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/search/?q=cptsd&restrict_sr=1&sr_nsfw=
#8
Sleep Issues / Night Terrors
March 19, 2022, 12:31:38 PM
After experimenting with my vitamins and methylation cycle, I started to experience the feeling of waking up panicked in the middle of the night. I think the feeling could be described as a kind of terror, I'd never experienced it before. I did some digging and found the below on methylation and night terrors in children. The link between nutrient levels, night terrors and methylation is interesting.

https://www.realizehealth.com.au/2015/12/08/sleep-and-neurotransmitters/

I was taking Acetylcholine before bed and then found I have a homozygous PEMT enzyme which means I have reduced capacity in changing acetylcholine to phosphatylcholine. So, there was excess acetylcholine I guess. Maybe this is useful to someone out there.
#9
Other / CPTSD, SIBO & the Vagus Nerve - Wowee
June 27, 2021, 09:58:44 AM
Have had health issues for ages with unexplained root cause(s). I always figured it was somehow related to the effects of chronic stress (high cortisol causing inflammation etc) but wowee I think I may have cracked it: SIBO and more interestingly, SIBO's effect on the vagus nerve. That nerve that runs throughout our whole body and is modulates our response to stress, anxiety and other CPTSD related factors.

Have had very diverse symptoms for years - unexplained weight gain (always told it's what I'm eating/exercise etc even when I am tracking calories), sometimes when I eat my food would get stuck in my throat, skin rashes, intolerance to wine (like blackout drunk but somehow functioning after only two glasses. A medic told me it's because my body gets toxic really fast), enamel wearing off my teeth despite brushing and flossing everyday (again was told it's my oral hygiene), low folate, iron. Doctors always suggested therapy as they couldn't find a cause.

After tracking my weight/calories/gym routine for the last three months and losing body fat but no kgs, I started looking into possibilities why and found a connection between SIBO and weight gain due to slower intestinal transit time. Bam! Or first Bam as I was able to lose weight before on a calorie restricted diet. My trainer said maybe I had done metabolic damage but that didn't sit right. The second time I tried to cut weight on a calorie restricted diet was after covid. Apparently, covid is also a disease of the gut and can affect your gut microbiome (why they are starting to do rectal tests in China). Ok interesting. This led me to look at the different kinds of SIBO and their symptoms where I saw that Hydrogen Sulfide SIBO can give you a reaction to wine. Bam Bam! After trying the rough and ready test of peptobismal to confirm - it looks like yes, I do have SIBO. Hydrogen Sulfide is also a by product of H Pylori, which I did have and treated about five years ago. After I cleared the H Pylori, I went to the doctor as it still felt something was not right but of course they told me it was all in my head.

As I started to address the Hydrogen Sulfide SIBO, it gave me some very real herx reactions/ die off (neck pain) which is where I learned of the connection between SIBO and the Vagus Nerve. BAM! I've heard about the gut-brain axis but this is it. The vagus nerve is what helps control our physiological symptoms of anxiety/fight flight etc. and C/PTSD has one of the strongest body/brain relationships (ie Body Keeps the Score). My imbalanced gut could be keeping my trauma alive. Well, it's probably more circular as the trauma also affects the vagus nerve and then the functioning of the gut and vice versa.

"When your microbiome is unbalanced from trauma it communicates that message of chaos back to our mind via the vagus nerve. It can become a harmful cycle of the embodied  sensation of danger, repeating messages between the brain and gut that the body needs to fight or flee even though safety is abundant."

https://flourishinaustin.com/news-notes/trauma-digestion-vagusnerve

"In line, there is preliminary evidence for gut bacteria to have beneficial effect on mood and anxiety, partly by affecting the activity of the vagus nerve."

https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2018.00044/full

"But 2016 experiments with mice at the Office of Naval Research, of all places, found that trauma seriously disrupts gut bacteria, killing off various varieties and making it less diverse. "The gut and bowels are a very complex ecology," the researchers said. "The less diversity, the greater disruption to the body." A lack of diversity of gut flora's been seen elsewhere, like in humans who've spent a lot of time in hospital, and it is very much not good news. However, the researchers also found something interesting: when they transplanted more diverse gut flora into the traumatized mice, the mice became much calmer and showed a lot less misery."

https://www.bustle.com/p/trauma-affects-your-digestive-health-in-very-real-ways-31764

I just wanted to share this as I didn't see any posts yet on the SIBO/CPTSD connection. Maybe it will help someone else with those unexplained health issues that doctors can't seem to pin down. I know how distressing it was to be told that there was nothing wrong and it was all in my head when I knew something wasn't right.



#10
If anyone is interested these IFS workshops are happening in the next month through the Life Architect website:

One is Embracing Legacy Burdens with Osnat Arbel:
https://lifearchitect.com/embracing-legacy-burdens-ifs-therapy/

And the other is on Unattached Burdens with Robert Falconer:
https://lifearchitect.com/the-farther-reaches-of-ifs/

#11
I've been much more cautious with dating lately and have had some good experiences recently with setting boundaries.  :cheer:

Went on a date with someone last night and it seemed good - he's very open, warm and seemingly geniune. At the beginning of the date we started to click and something in me shut down. We continued the date and it was easy - I could ramble on about Covid and all the freakish things happening right now. Although, I did feel a bit self conscious about it. I don't know if it was the cold (we were distanced and outside) but all through the date, I had problems getting my thoughts together. This has happened in the past where I'm slow to speak but not for a while. I'm guessing this is dissociation.

Was really upset with myself this morning that I felt like I've wrecked something with someone and that I was too cold, or odd or strange. Or that because I wasn't open, he thinks I just want a fling. This is a really strong feeling. He said it was fun and we made tentative plans for next week. Haven't heard from him and don't want to reach out today but maybe tomorrow I will. Would like him to text first. Just trying to unpack these feelings a bit. I guess it's triggered something.

#12
Recovery Journals / dollyvee's recovery journal
November 25, 2020, 02:04:24 PM
Hi all - I think it's time for me to start this and put it out into the ether. I find it helpful to know that ppl reading this have similar experiences to me, which I don't really find IRL.

I've read Pete Walker's Complex PTSD book (the first diagnosis that made sense) and have been doing the work with EMDR. I've been feeling off and having responses to things lately that seem like an EF but I just can't out my finger on what's caused it, and find it hard to get out of. Well, it could be a couple things. I had some problems with my neighbours during lockdown. I started lifting weights a few years ago and it's really helped with stress. Boxing is also amazing but hard to do in lockdown. While working out, I had the music on (not especially loud and only for an hour a day) but the neighbours above me would stomp on the ceiling. I know this might sound crazy but it felt like I was being watched from above. I started going into the kitchen, and even without music, they would stomp on the ceiling. I would accidently drop something on the table and there would be footsteps above me. I like to leave the dishes until morning and wash them while I'm waiting for the coffee to brew, but as soon as there would be the rattle of dishes in in the dish rack, there would be footsteps above me. A lot of the time they would be heavier than what seems normal. I also had another incident at work where I'm pretty sure some coworkers threw a chestnut at the back of my head. When I went to their manager about it, I was the one who was excluded and made to work alone. This really put me back into a place of feeling bullied growing up and not being able to escape from ppl that tormented me.

TW -

My n mom remarried when I was 7 to my step father who verbally abused her and me, and physically abused her later. She told me later that she thought it was right at the time. She was doing drugs before this, and going out at night, leaving me home alone after we moved out of my grandfather's house when I was 5. I'm amazed how smart children are. That I could understand my mom and her friend was doing drugs while I played in the room with the woman's daughter next door. My mom always minimized this incident - which is maybe why I minimize ppl's behaviour/things now. So, she thought my step father would bring her some stability I guess.

My step father was very jealous over how my mom and I were. If I wanted attention from her or was close, he would tell me that I'm a "suck." He was a big, strong "Man" so the last thing you could be was vulnerable. I was quite rebellious and even then could see that his behaviour was wrong. I think he once made me write like 5 pages of lines because I ate something in the fridge I wasn't supposed to. So, I had to sit at the kitchen table and write, I will not pig out. He used to make my mom and I run 2K (?) three times a week with him because he thought we were fat. Really, he hated himself and projected it onto us. My mom's response to this when I pointed out how unfair he was being was, "sometimes it's better in a marriage not to rock the boat." And that was it. There was no one there to really protect me or stick up for me. My grandfather did, but not really. My grandmother, who took all my soaked clothes and told me I was freezing when I went to her house after running 2K in freezing slush, also I didn't tell off my mom or make a scene about what she was doing to me. They thought my step father was not great (or an ape as they called him) but somehow I didn't feel stood up for.

It's like I know this stuff is bad but it never sinks in how bad it was. I know I can't talk about it to ppl. When I mentioned it to a coworker who was sharing his experiences of neglect growing up, I told him I used to have to run. He said that's enough to mess someone up for life.

TW End -

When I come up against unreasonable ppl like my neighbours now, there is still the feeling of not being able to escape. It's like there's no psychic protection and maybe they were a threat but it's like you never really know. I didn't think it I was being a bad neighbour. When I moved out from my old flat, I was told by the upstairs neighbour that I was great, they never knew I was there. I even asked the ppl upstairs to stop stomping on the ceiling and they basically told me I was imagining it. I ended up moving apartments for peace of mind but that heightened response to stress is still lingering months later.

So, I came back to the forum and have found some great resources which is helping a bit. I'm reading about IFS and how to relate to your "different parts" but still a bit cautious about unleashing something I can't control. Haha maybe that's my manager speaking but it's done it's job well for getting me out of that house growing up in one piece to where I am now and am thankful for that. I guess it just still feels like there's so many dangerous ppl out here in the world.




#13
DR - Disturbed Relationships / Ground Zero - Trust
November 19, 2020, 11:24:08 AM
Wanted to say how affirming it is to read everyone's experiences on this board. I find myself having similar struggles with trust in my relationships and peoples' "selfish" intent. I've just joined this board and am reflective on where I'm at and beginning to map out my next healing steps.

I grew up in isolation and I don't mind being a loner to a certain degree. Certain times it's helped me - that I've had to stand up for myself against "injustice" and been the only voice to do so. Like when I stood up to my step father and mother's bullying behaviour. This has followed me into adulthood and find myself in a similar position at work sometimes - a lot of the time. I have a demanding job in a competitive field where there are limited number of women. As in less than 10 out of over 100 men doing the same job. My abilities are questioned, my personality is questioned and a lot of the time it brings up "old stuff" in me.

I find myself to be a quiet person at heart. I like to observe and be reflective about things, prefer deeper connections. It's been hard to find similar people to relate to in my career and life. I think underneath it all is still a small me, not really trusting people or wanting to bring them in. I think over a time, I've been so discouraged by peoples' bad/selfish behaviour that I do feel like it's better to be alone. I guess that's not true on some level. Even in a NPD group I found someone who seemed like they got it, but I had issues. I was explaining how I'd never found a partner (I think as a result of my upbringing and not being able to get close to people, choosing narcs for a while) and that I'd been coming to terms with the fact that I might never have children (something I've always wanted) because I'm getting older and that window is closing (40 now). So, it's something I have to realistically come to terms with. They said no you can't give up and sent me a photo of her daughter out of nowhere.   

When I do meet someone new that I think I might have a connection with, I get anxiety that I might do something to mess it up or that it's not going to work out anyway. I get bypassed in romantic relationships for women who come from "good families" and who are "confident" (I say confident but in my experience what men perceive as confident involves a lot of passive aggressive/petty behaviour to other women) or left when I want more of a connection than just sex. Underneath that I think is the belief/feeling that I might be used/exploited. I have anxiety about being "out there" in the world with so many judgemental and uncaring people.

This is a bit of a ramble but I just wanted to say I relate to those who feel like they're alone and continually disappointed with social interaction. For the longest time I thought is was me. However, I'm really glad I've tried to be as true as possible to myself and what I need even if it isn't /wasn't always easy.
#14
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Trying this out
November 16, 2020, 10:45:30 AM
Hi Everyone,

I came across OOTS almost a year ago but never read the Welcome to the Forum/Introductory post message. So, here I am, back again after a little break. 

I realized I had CPTSD about four/five years ago after dating a narcissist. I remembered what my old therapist said about my mom being a narcissist after I kept getting blamed in the relationship and felt like I was going crazy. It took a good 10 years for that to sink in from when he first said it, but I started looking into narcissism. He also diagnosed me as a little Borderline/Histrionic but that's another topic for another time as I can see a lot of you are aware  ;D Through attending a NPD recovery group, someone mentioned Pete Walker's CPTSD book and everything started to make more sense. I've been doing EMDR with a new therapist for the past few years and found both growth and some relief from anxiety. There's also other family trauma like my father's suicide when I was 14 but that's a different topic too. Or is it? TBD

I guess a little bit about me and what I experience: anxiety, difficulty getting close to people; anxiety when people get too close; feeling like I'm constantly bullied or get into situations where I have to fight back; a lot of self doubt (this is getting better with EMDR and therapy I think - I can begin to see now some of the good things that I bring to the table and how it isn't always me). Relationships with other women - feeling like I'm being bullied/in competition all the time/belittled. Control is probably in here too. I'd say I'm a high functioning person with CPTSD. I think most people wouldn't think I have this stuff going on. Others think I'm crazy  :blahblahblah:

Over the past few months (maybe more), I feel like I have overwhelming emotions/anxiety that I can't seem to get to the bottom of or control. Last time when I came to OOTS, I had a sense of why I was triggered (dating someone who was ghosting me - a big trigger as they "seemed" into it). This time, I'm not sure. It could be the last EMDR session I had during lockdown (got into issues with the neighbours over noise/felt like they were bullying me) or I've just read that apparently people who have had Covid will experience some mental disorder (anxiety, depression) after having it. Ever since I came back to work after lockdown, I've felt like my responses to stress were much more heightened.

I think the forum is a great resource of people who feel the same things as me and "get it." I've often felt like not a lot of people understand how I feel, and is helpful to read that people are going through similar issues and there's not something "wrong" with us   :grouphug:

I came across some posts on IFS this week and listened to a couple of the youtube seminars that Snowdrop (?) posted and it's blown my mind. A lot of things have been coming up in the last couple months that align with what Richard Schwartz says. I might start a recovery journal to explore some of the parts and my relationship to them in the hopes that some of you understand. I'm not sure my therapist knows IFS but she is supportive.

Hope everyone gets the recovery they need,
dollyvee