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My mother never allowed any of her children to show emotions.  Consequently, I went through life never crying or getting angry.  I was a total people pleaser, always watching others to see how I should act.  Even now I cannot cry though I've gone through the looking glass and realized what was done to me. 

I feel that if I could just get angry I could probably get in touch with my feelings.  I have tried beating pillows, screaming into a pillow, hitting things....it is very hard and scary for me to do that and it has not worked.  Does anyone have any advise about releasing anger? 

I read about this website in Pete Walker's very informative book.

I am a 61 yo woman.  I lead a relatively normal life until my mother died several years ago.  After she died I turned around and married a very abusive man.  I have come to realize through therapy that I found an exact copy of my mother to marry and this was what triggered my severe PTSD.  Well, I finally left the abuser but unfortunately the damage was done and all sorts of horrible memories that I had previously totally repressed started coming up....sexual abuse that was allowed by my mother, etc. 

I have been in freeze mode for several years now, pretty much housebound, avoiding people, with multiple physical problems which I believe are caused by muscles that are frozen in terror. 

I am joining this forum in the hopes of connecting with others who are going through the same thing.