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Topics - bikesandplants

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Hi :)

I'm wondering if anyone here has had a similar experience and would have any advice to share.

I really struggle with naming wants and needs. I let things build up a lot before realizing I have a need, and by that time what was a small need gets blown up into proportion and I have these emotional explosions of needs. My partner on the other hand is really good at knowing how they're feeling on the spot and communicating needs and boundaries clearly.

This dynamic has affected the relationship in different ways. My partner has a hard time trusting me right now with what I say because of realizing later on that I had a need or that something didn't feel good to me even though I said it was fine. I also have a hard time feeling good in the relationship for long periods because it's hard for me to feel like I have agency and to participate in creating the relationship I want.

Anyone has advice on rebuilding trust in these circumstances? Or tricks to name needs and wants when it's something that feels really difficult?

Thanks!

Sab

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Hi,

Has anyone here had the experience of being triggered in their relationship with their kids or other people's kids?

Since I've moved in with my partner and their kid, I've had a lot to unpack when it comes to my trauma from childhood. As things are settling in that relationship (I rarely get triggered anymore), I've noticed a lot coming up as I am developing a relationship with their kid. My anxious/avoidant tendencies show up and I am struggling with feeling connected, present, engaged and invested in my relationship with him and am unable to create the relationship I would really want with him as a result. I also get bouts of panic, shame and feelings of unworthyness.

The disconnect I feel from their lives makes me feel like I did when I was younger and felt unwanted in my own family and was spending a lot of time alone in my room when I needed connection.

I'm curious if anyone has been in a similar situation and if so would be happy to receive advice or to read about others experiences. :)

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Introductory Post / Hi :)
« on: May 21, 2020, 06:01:39 PM »
Hi humans :)

I realized I had C-PTSD about a year ago as I was working through some issues with my partner in my first serious relationship. They shared about their own childhood trauma and that is how I learned about C-PTSD. My trauma comes from my childhood and is the result of the lack of presence, empathy and care I was given growing up by my primary care giver and the threat of abandonment that was used as a discipline method when I was a young teenager. 

I was in therapy for years with a trauma-informed therapist who specializes in somatics. I feel very grateful for that experience. It has really helped with managing my anxiety and identifying and feeling my feelings. At that time, I was dysregulated most of the time because I kept retraumatizing myself through the decisions I was taking (guided by my trauma) and the issues that were showing up in my relationships.

Iíve done a lot of healing since, with the help of different tools (therapy, tarot, meditation, online support, personal projects, etc.) and through my relationships (mostly with my romantic partner), and have gained a lot of self-awareness and can better self-regulate. I am sooo different than just a year ago.

Where I am at in my process is building community for myself. I finally feel like I can show up as my whole self with people, honour my boundaries and be accountable for my actions. Iíve lost people through my transformation and often feel alone as I am seeking more nourishing connections. That is mostly what brings me here; Iím curious about other peopleís recovery journey and how they have built community for themselves and to maybe find a bit of that here. :)

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