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I have been thinking and noticing a feeling that I am on the outside looking in. I have lived in this little town for 23 years now. When people talk to me about someone who lives in the town I know very little about who lives where, drives what etc. The local bar is a point of socialization here I don't go to bars very much...The One church in town is not My faith so I don't go there.

I do suffer sometimes from anxiety attacks.  Although NOT as much as I used too.

It reminded me of being bullied in school. Never feeling like I belonged. I felt/feel like that from My family who denies the abuse, and since I am a half Sister I have never fit in. Sometimes My Mother still puts me down.

I don't have an answer yet on how to help myself with it. I am just throwing it out there to see what others think.

[responsibly]

Hi,
I had been No contact with My Sister for 2 years when I had a heart attack ( and almost died Feb 2016.) We decided to start socializing again shortly after that. It has been really bumpy from the start. Three Years before that an acquaintance of Ours Told My Sister that I had said My Sister was a child molester... ( I have never said, thought or dreamed this. My Sis responsibly babysat for MY kids from birth to whatever and ALSO babysat for My Grand Children.

The Acquaintance is a full-blown narcissist IMHO.  (undiagnosed) The Story has so many lies added to it. It has grown legs! The acquaintance had/has My Sister Gardening, cooking and cleaning, For Free. She will do whatever she can to control My Sis. No matter what Sis has not believed Me OR She gets settled down and Narc starts adding more believable lies. My Sis and I had been getting along (fairly, but strained) until Acquaintance started ADDING again to her lies. Sis cuts off contact and starts texting me all this crap that isn't true. Unfortunately, I had cut OFF AQ NARC many Years before because I saw how BAD she was. She can really Make the stories believable as were "Good" Freinds before I saw her without A MASK ON. AQ NARC really knows how to push Sis's buttons.

Many times when my Sis says dumb stuff, I tell her Well If You believe this You should cut me OFF or various other similar answers. For example, last Summer she told me that She thought I was trying to kill her. I told her that I thought that If She believed that She should cut OFF ALL contact with me. So, I say something once and refuse to go over and over things. I no longer borrow her money etc. Now She says I've changed...Well Yes, I think to Myself. I am learning to Not be manipulated By people. I am learning to stand-up for Myself. I will NEVER let You use me again.
Of course, this puts me in a depression.

After AQ NARC gets Sis riled up with more lies, Sis starts texting vile stuff.  She goes over and over past hurts shes had held against me, (many times her twisted veiw of how it happened) some for decades... I go through 3 weeks of No contact with her but these Vile texts. Previously, I had recognized during My work on Myself that People used Various threats, blaming, etc to manipulate me so I would cuddle all over them (even If I had really done nothing wrong) to control me.  I have learned to Not get into the Word Salads.  I always try to keep the conversations/ texts fair and Honest with My Sister. So, I say something once and refuse to go over and over things.

Yesterday, She calls me acting normal like nothing has happened, all friendly and sweet 
For a while now I have been wondering about split personalities. How common is that? as I am thinking about it It makes sense...

Feminine side...Sweet, cleaner dressed, artistic, funny...Male side. Messy caustic, defensive, mean, dressed Manish...She also talks about Ghosts destroying stuff in Her house, things getting misplaced and found places she would never put it. Things getting broke by ghosts.  I had been thinking She is delusional. She comes up with some great "Truths" that are way out there. Split personality does fit, however. I think the Male Personality is aggressive and breaks her stuff etc.

Does anybody know about split personalities and C-PTSD? It seems to fit many problems I've had with My Sis. I am recognizing when She gets into the boy role. Perhaps the "Boy" role is what she used to protect herself from the abuse both of us suffered.

I don't know any comments would be appreciated...I had so Much work to do to get this to make sense, My mind is quit scattered right now.

 

I was an active member at the beginning of this forum. I just dropped out one day and no one heard from me again. I don't know why I did that...I really just had a nervous breakdown It lasted about 2 years. Now because I get depressed in the winter I am also very depressed.

I did learn many positive things from the group that did help me. I learned about setting boundaries. I have stood with Most boundaries I have set. Now, I state My boundary and hold to its firm. It has helped me with finances. I am not just giving money away to people that make way more than me. It was a little strange for me.

I did try and start a new relationship with My Sister and that has not gone well...I have been accused by a Narcissist that I spread bad rumors about My Sister that I had not even thought about. She believes the Narc. My Psych. told me she was delusional. (he is her psych also!) I have tried to spread and give Her God's love and that Has not worked. So, that has me going back to My Childhood again looking at cause and effect for C-PSD. I am not beating My head against the wall

I am the Oldest child and I remember many things She does not remember and of course she thinks I am making things up...so I have been working on things as they come up. That's part of what caused My nervous breakdown before when I quit posting here.
So many things kept coming up and I was just bogged down because of it. At the time I felt like I had to quit. I was getting too depressed and it was going deeper and deeper.

I still have a relationship with My narc Mom. In some ways, she is getting better. She has even apologized a few times to Me! I did Get her and My Sister talking to her again. Mom had totally cut her OFF. Mom felt offended when She makes up this stuff about how bad her childhood was and MOM can't take it (because most of it is lies) I don't know how to deal with it in a positive way.

it would seem that My Sister and I should be able to discuss the abuse and work things out together. What happens with My mentally ill Sister is that NONE had it as Bad as HER. She was treated like a little princess in IMHO. I was the stepchild that was not loved and WAS abused. My Sis was the bright and shining light for My stepfamily because she had the first Girl child in a world of pedophiles. Even at that age, I watched her like a guard dog to make sure she was NOT abused by her Blood family. (i am almost 6 years older.) So, part of My depression is that I can't help her get well, and I realized that I can't have the relationship I want to with her. In fact, after the latest spew of garbage she was accusing me of I told Her that I thought She should stay away from Me if She thought I was so evil. Then She was/is creating lies and telling My Mom about me.    I did confront her and she said "Well You have been in contact all those years that I could not have with her, so now it is My turn."

At the same time, I noticed My MOM getting Crabby at me for no reason. So, Now I don't have a relationship with My mom now much either. (Not that it was that great, It was more of a fair weather friends type relationship0   I guess that is the flying monkeys' syndrome. I have learned to just let it be and NOT worry about it like I used to. I can't change it, I have no control over it, and I did not start it.

Kizzy, I am sorry for the delay in starting so much later than what I wanted to. I probably should be posting also on the Out of the fog site but I am not sure I have the time, energy or mental capacity to do both.

I would like to work on taking better care of Myself as a goal for being here and posting here. I know that sounds small but it has been a lifelong problem of mine since I was a child. Always neglecting Myself to take care of everyone else. I'd also like to work on the C-PTSD. some but not enough to have a nervous breakdown again...     

When I was a child I always had stomach problems, nausea, vomiting in the AM every day, constipation, and postponing bowel movements. As I am going through this healing I have started to get the same physical problems I had as a child. I have NOT had any of these problems since I was a child .  Has any of You noticed the physical signs of stress coming back as You are working on you walk toward heAling?  Since I am not nearly as far as some of you are in my Walk toward healing maybe You have read or experienced something like this ... Comments please!

Keep on keeping on! :hugs:

It is really crazy how a uNPD/BPD Sis can totally forget everything good I have ever done for her and expect for me to just give her everything she ever WANTED. She has told so many lies to people I have known and helped in various capacities since I have known them. They are all against me for evicting her. ( I have been thinking about asking them if they want to pay her rent!) As I have discussed before I had to evict My Sis and nephew to get My house back. The eviction was final Dec 10, but I have NOT called the sheriff to actually remove them.

Son does not think I should evict them because they are family. For once in My life unpdH stood up for me and tried to compare it to how he would not like to pay HIS sis's bills... I have not talked to him about it since.. just giving him time to soak it in. Son also called me to borrow money to keep his electricity on. He is in college so I have helped him in the past, and don't mind sometimes, but I had offered him money to come and fix My pipes and Her could NOT find time for it. When he asked for Money I told him I did not have any! I had to save all My money to fix the pipes. So, I did give him $150.00 and he did come and fix the pipes! No more loans to him... he is a very slow payer!

Due to anxiety attacks I have not gone to church for over 6 months. A church friend and tenant called and wanted for me to take her and kids to church for the Church potluck.  I always gave her a ride to church. IF She would have asked me when FALL church started I probably would have started going again....(she only goes when I give her a ride.) I told her I did not feel I could go to church right now, that I was NOT on the right frame of mind. Really the thought I had is YOU will go when they are having something fun, or to benefit her, but not for regular church. That irritated me, so no I am not just going to show up for fun stuff.

Then when We got into a discussion about uNPS/BPD SIS She thought I should give her all the time she needs to get out of the house. She repeated all the stories Sis told her and I said that She was not telling the truth.. I did not care what Sis said that She could be friends with Sis...That I knew what side the line was drawn and I would keep it in mind.

Then She asked for sympathy for another tenant who lost his drivers license because HE did not pay child support. well, her opinion is that he does not have any money left and he is trying to get disability and is on welfare. I said then HE should have went and had new paperwork filed and they would have lowered his payments... He had to have been very behind to have got in that position. I had offered that tenant $50.00 to fix the pipes under My trailer and ask his wife to help me clean it,for cash, and they turned me down. I told her I did not feel sorry for anybody that would not even work for cash.. Then she says that they DID NOT WANT TO HELP ME because they want to stay out of the problems that My sister has got every one involved in. I told her that I Didn't care. I do not want anyone to help me that WAS on her side, or trying to stay neutral. I did what I had to do with the eviction. I am glad Sis has friends, but I do not need to have anyone going back to her and telling her what I am doing! I told her that I have known My Sis for 57 years and nothing is going to change. I am NOT going to enable her and her spending habits anymore!

Then I have been trying to fix the pipes in My mobile home. Daughter has a roommate who is staying here. He is homeless, not paying her anything, He had an appointment in town and I told him I would NOT be able to babysit for 2 days. I set up babysitting for Grand daughters and told him that to tell Daughter I had lined up sitting for 11:00Am and if anything changed to call Sitter and let her know! Well He did NOT give Daughter the message, and he did not call and cancel babysitting. So, after sitter calls me madder than a wet hen, I call Daughter and He had not told her any of the conversion WE had! I specifically told him the sitter would be mad IF they did not call and cancel... I called daughter and told her how rude it was that She did NOT call and cancel sitter, and She did not know anything about it! So, I told her roommate was just trying to cause problems, that he was a flying monkey and that I do not trust him. Oh room mate wouldn't do that "He just forgot!" after I talked to him for 3 or four minutes about being sure to call and cancel? So, She thinks I have really gone over the deep end.

Honestly, I do not care what they all think! Maybe I am reaching a new point where I am not going to be walked all over anymore. I am not going to be a nice person afraid of breaking the eggs on the floor! I sense a bubbling of anger....I am still being the Minnesota NICE...but I am standing up for Myself. Actually this has been one of the least depressive winters that I have had in a long time. This crying, and thinking about Pammy Sue, reading on here, and OOTF, has helped me... Of course everyone thinks I am even crazier than I was...because I have an opinion now, I am expressing it and I am saying NO! 

Keep on Keeping on!

[parenting by committee group]

 

I have started the book By Pete Walker. Complex PTSD; .....

in the very first pages he says on Pg 3.

I must emphasize however that some survivors of cPTSD engendering families were so thoroughly betrayed by their Parents that it may be a long time, if ever before they can trust another human being enough to engage in relational healing work. When this is the case, pets, books, and online therapeutic Websites can provide significant relational healing. 

I do not feel that I have been traumatized so much by people, as I have been traumatized by therapists.

I wrote about My experiences with therapists here:
http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=543.msg4433#msg4433

I think at last the LAST therapist did traumatize me. I wrote...I got very bad advice from a counselor AT THE LOCAL SHELTER...I'd probably be very physically hurt IF I would have just done what she said. If you have read My posts on uNPDH you'd realize how abusive He is emotionally and was physically.  She just told Me to slap the divorce papers on the table.... what was the problem I was having?

I was expecting lists of things I needed to do like information in the toolbox on OOTF. I was expecting some T on the entanglement that I was feeling and could Not get away! I did not get any of that... in fact I felt dismissed and put down because I was expecting more. I questioned her at great length and she just repeated the same thing!! 

I went into the appointment thinking I was finally making a BIG step and I was proud of MYself for making the decision to go ahead and work toward getting a divorce. I was actually afraid to even be seen in the parking lot for fear that uNPDH would see MY car in the parking lot! I guess that was pretty far fetched thinking. I was pretty dissociated when I left her office, so she triggered me somehow.  Of course NOW when I think about it then I am demand resistant.. is that the right word?

I think somehow this experience WAS abusive! I mean I should have got healing and help... I felt shot down like MY feelings were wrong! All of this abusive behavior! 

I am not thinking about going to a T right now... Walker also calls a group like this a reparenting by committee group!

I am so thankful for the people who are here to help all of US! By ourselves we have all these doubts, self blame, self hate, etc, So we are the parenting by committee group! I like that!

to all of US!

                                                               



                     

 


That I have NOT been writing in this section? I have... been trying to figure out why! I have anxiety about this section, so I keep avoiding it!  Not quit sure why......almost like I think that If I read I will have a EF 
Anyway one more thing to think about!

Keep on Keeping on! 

 

I like this sheet on this web site. I haven't tried it but I like how basic it is.. It might be for children?  I can still see how useful this technique is!

http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/TheParrot.pdf

Keep on keeping on!

  

Background info:

July 24:
UnPDSis has been living in my house for 1 year without any rent being paid, I sent her a registered letter asking her to evacuate in 60 days. She is also mad about the Notice to evacuate my house.  A 60 day notice which is quit generous.

Sept.8:

So  went and got the papers to file an eviction notice against MY uNPDSis and nephew.  I have delayed on filling them out! I tried to work it out with them texting both of them saying I am gong to evict you if You don't contact me. I did not hear anything.. I went away on the weekend and said I will be home on monday and if I don't hear from You on Monday I am going to evict You on Tuesday. (tomorrow)

I said on Sept, 25.

http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=160.msg1149#msg1149

I ask them (uPDSIS and My Nephew) to leave and gave them a 60 day notice to be out by Aug 31,. She has had me on silent treatment since June. I have to file the eviction notice. Very depressing how all this has gone for me. I have been putting stuff in the house to move there when I leave uNPDH. I have everything valuable in there. I am afraid she is stealing. I hate that She has used me like this. I realized that Our relationship all these years was based on ME giving and giving to her. when I started setting various boundaries then she has NO use for me. I think these problems with her has made My CPTSD worse or at least brought out NEW things to deal with...lots of FOO.

Oct, 8th:

I saw nephew out in the yard when I dropped off GC for school bus. I called him toward me and Asked Him how they were coming on finding a place to stay. He said we are trying to save money for it. I said I asked You to be out by August 31, I said I am going to go and file eviction papers tomorrow! He said "Would You really do that to Family?" I said Yes I would! Family I said.. Family does not move into a place and not pay rent. He said "why should I pay rent when the house is/was such a mess." I said I gave you 4 months of rent for the mess and that is $10.00 per hour for 60 hours and that is plenty enough to pay for You to clean it. I said family does not move into someone's  house and not pay rent. You have lived in My house for 15 months for a total of $2250. money! Family does not refuse to borrow someone a $400. loan when they owe them $1200. and are asking for money to pay their taxes and just got a settlement of $5,000. Family does not take advantage of Family. He said I never agreed to cleaning the house, No You did not but uNPDSis  did! Well I helped You some...yeah not $2,000 worth. He said well I work everyday! I said well uNPDSis is home everyday!

Nov12- today.
I goth papers in Niv 12, I will take a few weeks to get it served!  When I went to the courts they seemed to want to get it done in a hurry. The court date was Dec. 3rd. I was so afraid to go but got My self together and went. I was afraid that My Sister would be there and the things that sometimes happen in courts with PD.She did not show... I Did NOT ask for back rent even though it was her fault The plumbing did not get done. So I saved her $2,250.00. A gift. Judge gave Her 5 days to get out.

All My long time tenants and acquaintances are Mad at ME. uNPDSis started hanging around with the people she Hated the most.  She has told so many lies about ME that she has almost turned everyone against me! My Own Son is against me!He thought I should just Let her stay.    I am hurt but at the same time relieved. I really want their Drama out of My life. Really been mourning her since June, when she started to give me the silent treatment. Still Moving forward hurts! 

I am starting to get nervous, scatterbrained, etc.. They Were supposed to be out by 12/9 midnight... well they are still there!  Then One of the tenants that I used to go to church with called me (flying monkey I just realized as I typed this!  ) asking about a picture frame she wants me to give her.  I ask How UNPDS was going with Moving...She said as fast as she can.

Of course I got nervous hearing this... I am going to have to call a Sheriff to get her out! I am trying to breath deep... going through notes on here. This is going to be a major battle...She has always been so stubborn.  She changed the locks So I think I am going to have to call the Sheriff Just to get the Key!

Maybe just wanting a little encouragement or advice! A little fun to cheer me up!

Keep on Keeping on!  Keep on Keeping on!  Keep on Keeping on!   

 

I have not post much about both the relationship that I have with My husband not about My sister. Sometimes I feel it is wrong to post about the people on here that I am having problems with. I know the OOTF forum is mostly addressing these subjects. I do not post on the OOTF forum too much these days. although I do read OOTF when I am too BAD to come here!) Not because It is Not a great forum. It is! I just have to limit how much time I spend online, and OOTS is a priority for me at this time.

I also feel that to get proper feedback from the posters on here, they need to know what I am going through with People in My life. The people that are causing EF's etc, In less You posters hear about the people in My life YOU are not getting the total picture of me...I feel that You need to get a total picture of me!

So, I just wanted to get this out here for an opinion... do You like, dislike, or don't care about what we all write about our families on this section? I mean it is really NOT CPTSD AND OTHERS... ALTHOUGH IT IS OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH OTHERS? Feedback please?

Keep on keeping on!

I have been going over My old posts and sometimes I am amazed at the things I wrote and How much clarity I have.  I actually shock Myself about what I have wrote! Just wondering How You posters feel when You read over Your old posts...

I have found that it is healing to read over Old posts. I also feel a sense of moving forward that I might not feel otherwise! Normally progress seems so slow, but when I read where I come from before on My posts I do see progress!  How about YOU?

Keep on Keeping on! :hugs:

i ordered several books.. I have received some of them. I ordered...


Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A GUIDE AND MAP FOR RECOVERING FROM CHILDHOOD TRAUMA
Walker, Pete

DBT® Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition also the study book that went with it. I have not got the study book yet!

Also many other books about the abuse. I did page through the Walker book. I felt so overwelmed. The one page in the walker book was about the fawn-freeze. I read that it is the hardest type to get and stay in treatment.  In that book at the first few pages I read about stomach problems.. I did recognize Myself in that...

How are You posters going through these Heavier books and getting through them? I think I honestly froze! I am starting to doubt that I can even do it. At least on here I am getting snippets of My problems and learning about them...even that has caused me the NORMAL problems we have with cPTSD...

Does any one on here have a way to work through these books? I am not afraid of the Ef's dissociating, etc. I just don't want them to take over on My life? Any Hints,Ideas would be appreciated! Thank You

Keep on Keeping on!

I was on another board and I read of people who were using herbal methods for symptoms of CPTSD. I know of some things like camomile tea to get to sleep...Was thinking maybe some of those type of things might be helpful.

Keep on Keeping on! 

I am at the point in My journey that I am thinking about the abuse from My Mother, her Husbands, My Sister, My nephew, My husbands, My current Husband, and really about the way I don't take care of Myself.  Sometimes I don't even understand WHY I don't take care of Myself...I got a cold a few weeks ago... I mostly just suffered through it for over a week, and then it dawned on me that  could take a over the counter medicine.    I mean why didn't I think about OTC medicines? I really think a lot of self care things for me are JUST NOT THINKING ABOUT ME!

Then I have accepted that I was abused by My Mother and her husband #2, then how can I still be in denial? I am... I tell myself it was not as bad as some cases I have read about. Why do I do that? More and more memories are coming to light. I was definitely abused.  I realize that many of the problems I had in MY life were caused by abuse/neglect etc. The training I received to live with a PD personality.  The defenses I learned Myself to try and be "normal".  Or maybe just the things I had to do just to survive.

I had thought that I had forgiven My Mother for all she has done to me..but still more and more comes out of the woodwork! Then I wonder... how could I have been FOOLED FOR SO LONG?    It is hard to accept that Probably My Mother never really did love me! I mean She used to word LOVE... but not in a normal sense of the word!

This link was posted on out of the fog. http://parrishmiller.com/narcissists.html
At first I read the link fast... then I read it slow ... then I toke the time to study it...Wow! In a nutshell these are all the things My Mom did to me! I did not have time to copy and paste the whole thing and then underline ALL the crap MY MOM ( and her hubby #2) did to me! I have studied Narcissism on the OOTF site... in fact I have studied it at great length...for some reason tonight MAYBE it hit home! 

Keep on keepin on!   

I wanted to throw out what My day was like and get your ideas on exactly what happened.. I am new at this, and trying to learn how to manage this the best way!

Today I worked on trying to finish Up and make sure I had seen all the posts I was behind on. I studied brainwashing. I probably read 50 pages. I then went back to forum and read some parts of writings, and decided to finish when I was fresher in AM. I knew I was done with the reading on MY problems. as I was anxious when I tried to read one of the last posts, and just couldn't finish it! So, I already had informational overload!  Physically I had not ate yet. I had smoked over a pack of cigarettes, I had some fruit juice, but nothing else to eat. (4:00 PM)

I needed to buy groceries for the Girls and I. I had a list in My head! My Male Chihuahua is a escape artist. He is very tricky and no matter how careful we are sometimes he escapes. I have been working on this, with the girls. To be careful when they go out to NOT let the dog go out! It has been getting better. When He gets out because he is so fast I can not catch him. He then runs wild until he is tired out! So this stranger walks up to me while I am smoking a cigarette to get ready to shop. I had GD2 with me as she has been sick. So this lady hits me up at my car asking about the Dog and how come I don't leash him.  ( we do NOT have a leash law in Our town!) She goes on for 10 minutes not even listening to me. Just ranting and raving. She is blocking the door so I can't get out... I finally get out and manage to get around her. By this time I am having a major panic attack. I am not in My body and feeling very small! My Mind is completely scattered brained. I can not remember 1 thinsg I need to get!  I try and get myself together. deep breathing, saying YOU can do this! I am trying to maintain and just finish shopping. feeling out of My body! (disassociation?)

Of course I have to have discussions with GD2 about Halloween candy etc. I get halfway down the isle and said women comes at me again saying the same thing she said before...I do not know how loud she was because I had that problem with uNPDSis in church.. and although it sounded like she was yelling she wasn't? It sounded like so loud the whole store could hear it! (heightened sense of hearing?) When I try to say anything she cuts me off not listening to a word I am saying! She continues to follow me through the store. I can't hardly move the cart! Of course every person in the whole town had to be at the store at the same time as me! GD2 is visiting with all the people she knows in the store. I am feeling very small...I am not even recognizing people I should know! I am trying to concentrate on what we needed! The lady then hits me up in the third and final aisle. By then I was crazy...I held My temper but I really by that time could not hear a word she was saying!     

I was so nervous I left My wallet on the counter when I went to get milk that I needed. I forgot some of the things We needed! Then My groceries FINALLY get bagged and the clerk asks me if I need help! I am limping around the store and can barely walk and SHE expects me to carry all the bags out! I said " I can't carry any of the heavy ones" so I take 2 and she takes about 6 and one time! Normally the store has a cart that the clerks load all the stuff on and then get them all at once! Then that pissed me off!  I may have been way off base by that time... I just don't know! I felt smaller yet! Why should I have to explain why I can't do YOUR JOB? I made it out of there!

Now I am so wired I wonder if I will every get to sleep! I did not sleep last night either because of nerves...

So Is there anything I should have said? I mean she was all up in My space! What about the store clerk? I have 2 times now that this had happened. In church with uNPDSis hauling me over the coals, and this women! I felt like she was a pit bull on My ankles that wouldn't let loose!

I am SO new at this part of recovery, and I'd really appreciate IF you'd advise me.. I need more skills!  I am trying to figure out what the trigger is/was! In your opinion what could I do to reduce this! I tried not to think about it. I tried to deep breath!

Keep on Keeping on!

 

OK I give up.. i was trying to find the post on where we were talking about the physical and other signs that we were having a flashback, EF etc. I can't find the original post so I started this New one! My ADD You know. It is probably right in My face! 


I found this website more or less on how to influence people. Not like in Dale Carnagie but more like mind control or prisoners, what cults do etc. (read between the lines.. What the NPD people in Our life did! )   great read but Distressing. Lots of Information though!

STRESS!


so here is the paste copy of the page!
Symptoms of Stress

Stress affects us all. If you can spot the symptoms, you can manage them.

Do note, of course, that these symptoms may also be indicators of other things. (If in doubt, consult you doctor...).

Note also that a stressed person is unlikely to experience all of these symptoms and that even one can be a sign of stress.

Emotional/cognitive symptoms
Emotional and cognitive symptoms of stress include:

Feeling irritable
Feeling frustrated at having to wait for something
Feeling restless
Unable to concentrate
Becoming easily confused
Having memory problems
Thinking about negative things all the time
Negative self-talk
Having marked mood swings
Eating too much
Eating when you are not hungry
Finding it difficult to concentrate
Not having enough energy to get things done
Feeling you can't cope
Finding it hard to make decisions
Having emotional outbursts
Generally feeling upset
Lack of sense of humor

Physical symptoms
Physical symptoms of stress include:

Muscle tension
Headaches, irritability, depression
Hair loss
Dry mouth, mouth ulcers
Pains in chest
Aggravation of conditions such as asthma
Pains in shoulders or neck
Low back pain
Stomach/abdominal pain
'Butterflies' in stomach
Indigestion and 'the gurgles'
Diarrhea, irritable bowel
Ulcers, gastristis, colitis
'Pounding' or 'racing' heart
Cardiovascular disease, hypertension
Muscle spasms or nervous tics
Unexplained rashes or skin irritations
Sweaty palms
Sweating when not physically active
Menstrual and vaginal disorders
Premature ejaculation, impotence
Unable to sleep or excessive sleep
Shortness of breath
Holding breath
Muscles work in opposing pairs, with movement caused when one contracts whilst the other relaxes. Stress can result in both muscles working at once. There is thus no movement, but still muscular tension.

Autonomic nervous system
We have an involuntary nervous system called the Autonomic Nervous System (ANS), which contains two types of nerves.

Parasympathetic nerves conserve energy and keep the systems in a relatively resting state.
Sympathetic nerves prepare the body for action through the Fight-or-Flight reaction.
Thus it is the sympathetic system that is affected by stress.

So what?
Watch out for your own stress, and help others reduce theirs.

If you are using stress to persuade, watch for these symptoms as indication of your success. Beware of over-stressing people and creating a Fight-or-flight reaction.

The site is to teach how to make people change their minds...this is really mind blowing!

So here is the link on Physical signs of STRESS!
http://changingminds.org/explanations/stress/stress_symptoms.htm

I had been doing so much work and learning so much, feeling so much better and then bam!  I guess I had a week of paddling backwards!  would come to this forum and the OOTF one and just look at the opening forum page, and not willing to open it!  Although I did answer a few posts on OOTF.

So, I just let Myself sit back and coast...I am feeling better today  , I did read All the new introductions, answered My original post on the granddaughters, now I am exhausted!    I did open all the links that you all put up and I will go through them later today! I have things to say and I am going to post later today when the kids get in bed. I just am so physically exhausted!

I just wanted to let you all know I am here... I am doing OK, I NEED the both the support I get and I also need the support I give..I am trying to get on task now! 

My daughter shares custody with her oldest daughter with her daughters father. they live in the same town as I do. Her other Grandmother spends the summer with her and part of the fall.

I had tried to spend time with her a few times this summer thinking I could FIND a normal person to be friends with... I have come to the realization that she has some issues. Npd, Odc??  I went out to lunch with her once last month and saw some problems. Yesterday we went to lunch together again. She talked and talked and rambled on about what a clean freak she is. How great of a job she was doing taking care of GD,  both times we were together we went to stores. Both times she demanded a clerk to walk her around the store and get and show her what she wanted. Both times she put food in her purse at a buffet. Rush rush... Everytime she parked far away from the door, even though she has a handicap sticker. I limp and in pain all the time. When She picked me up and to get in I had to jump over a puddle to get in and got My pants dirty

Since yesterday I am wondering what effect that she is having on GD. When I mind her she is crying a lot, hard to get along with. The 2 sisters have a tough time NOT arguing. Her granddaughter, age 7 hits My other Grand Daughter all the time. When I go to the bus stop to pick up the granddaughter I watch. the 7 year old always cries she wants to come home with me. 7 YO told me that her Grandmother threatens her and tells her Dad about how "Bad" she behaves and GD's father spanks her when he gets home??

I went to their house one day and all GM did was complain about My Daughter, and how she did not love GD. So, she puts down My daughter all the time. She keeps telling 1st GD that her Mom does not love her.  My Daughter does not have much time at the house. She works 50 miles away,and her days run from 9:00 to 2AM close. 3 days a week, and 5:00PM to 2AM 2 days a week. She also works another Job 2 times a week from 5:00 PM -1:00AM. My daughter works very hard to provide for the girls. She has never gone to social services to get any help... I know she is eligible for food stamps, and probably other things!

Part of the Girls issue is that the sisters have not really lived together and learned to be Sisters. Both of them are kind of selfish, don't like to share their toys, and both feel that their home is theirs...So when oldest GD comes over here then she does not feel at home. Oldest Gd's father does not ever take younger grandaughter to stay at his house... She is not Mine??

Younger GD's Dad is older this is his first child at 35 and he spoils GD rotten. He makes REAL good money and she has the best of everything. He doe not see her a lot but intermittently because he works in the oil field and is not around. He does take her when he can but their visits are filled with FUN THINGS. hotels with swim parks, shopping, etc. Older GD is pretty jealous about this, Her father does as much as he can, but does not have the money to compete with Younger GD's dad. He does do lots of NORMAL fun things with her..Daughter is barely making her bills, and can't makeup the difference between what the 2 fathers make.

So, MY goal in all this is that I want to teach the Girls how to get along and be real Sisters! I will have both of them for at least the next month. When I do have both of them together, there is lots of fighting... It takes me about 4 hours to get them settled and plying together nicely. I want to have some GOOD family times with them. I went to dollar store yesterday and bought games. learning stuff, and lots of hair stuff, so we can have FUN things to do together...They also are both lacking good habits related to housekeeping. messy messy... I want to work on this also.

Problems I see with each child. GD #2 5 Years old, is so spoiled that she is not pleased with the small things People do for her. She is so used to having things on a grand scale. She is selfish (having been by her self with only a adult caring for her.) I sit her a lot and she is actually quit pleasant with me. GD #1 is jealous of the things GD#2 has. Most of her things are at her Dad's house. She is a lot more busy, (ADD runs in our FOO)My D has had her assessed and DR. prescribed ADD meds for her and Father's family does not "believe in doping up a kid" She is already having problems in School related to ADD. 

So, My question... is do any of You have any advice that I can do to work on these problems. Do any of You have any take on this that would enlighten me? Any advice will be considered. I really want both of these girls to grow up to be whole people, and grow up to be a good member of society without the hang-ups and trouble I have had from MY childhood!

From My issues I have a hard time asking for help! I have been sleeping on My daughters couch for a while. It's hard to move a bed over here because of UnPDH and his jealousy. I don't want him to think I am planning on making changes! lol

So this week is clean-up week here and I was talking to Neighbor about a computer he had. I notice a couch and ask him about the condition of it. it had a cover on it and the cover looked bad. He lifted it up and the couch underneath was nice looking and he mentioned it was a sleeper.  Finally I thought about it for quit a while. I am trying TO get rid of stuff not gain stuff! i know I can't lift it..
I ask a few neighbors about it and some of the men in the building were gone. so I only had 1 person and needed!  When went too the neighbor that had the couch, he was not home. Just then 3 teenagers came out and I ask them If they could move a couch! The other neighbor was out using the phone that had told me he'd help!   

So Yeah! I got a sleeper couch, and the mattress was one of the really good ones! In great shape with no stains. I am lucky in this small town we have not got bedbugs Yet. Something so hard for me to do is ask for help! (although everyone always asks me!)

any way have to run.. but feeling great.. at least I have a place to sleep!

 I have had the worse year of My life this year since December. It started in 2011, with uNPDS

Starting Sept. 2011. My uNPDsis came here from a big city. I was working when she planned on coming. We were locked out of Ours Jobs at the factory in August before she came. She was planning on moving in Sept. I told her not to come as I was unemployed. She would not listen I did not get unemployment. She moved in with 2 dogs and 3 cats, and nephew into a 2 bedroom trailer. They lived off of me and daughter until Daughter moved into a 4 bedroom apt. Then the original deal was for uNPDSis and nephew to pay something. They paid nothing. uNPDS did do babysitting. She hoarded up My daughters apt. He dog was a BARKER and she did nothing about it... Daughter had 3 evictions based on the fact that the dog barked so loud. Nephew moved into MY house with said dogs, and cats. Nephew did not find work until May 2012. When He found work.. they spent all the money and still did not pay for anything.  In fact D. let then use her extra van and they ran it until it lost transmission. (nephew is delivering pizzas) So me and daughter were buying everything for them. She did get a pension but SHE used it all for herself, giving nobody nothing.

Background.uNPDS lived about 250 miles away. I would visit her. I always noticed that when I went I had to pay for food for her and nephew. They would get in financial trouble and I'd loan them money. (in the thousands all totalled.) I'd give her financial advice from a distance.. she'd say she was doing the things I suggested... later I figured out it was all a lie. She was not doing anything that I'd advised.

Facts that made me crazy.

I did eBay for a while, and uNPDS had lots of things to sell. I told her I'd help her and teach her how to do it...first boundary I set up. She did not like that, but she did not want to learn.
Her and nephew got a liability suit settled and received $5,000. I needed Money for house taxes. I ask to borrow $400. No she said to me... "You will have to do like I did and ask everyone for help to get the taxes paid." first alarm goes off :stars:I'd given her money to pay her taxes at least 3 times. So she is living off of me a D. and she can't borrow me $400. when I borrowed her thousands for said thing.

They broke My microwave.( nephew punched it in fit of anger.) Phone system. They put it by the sink and base fell in sink. Never offered to pay for THEY BROKE. I lost carpets, walls, and who know what all in My income property..after they moved out it was unrentable without a lot of work.

June 2013. I started working in May after 22 months Locked out. I went to job and worked as much as I could Nephew and pets, moved in My house to keep My daughter from getting evicted from her apt. The pipes were not working. I had just moved out of house and left it when Son was in Iraq. (I had a nervous breakdown.) I told her and she agreed that I'd give them 4 months free rent to clean the house and move the stuff in My bedroom. After that rent would be $150. per month.   Nephew could help me fix pipes and house would be livable. I bought $500. stuff to redo pipes. Asked Nephew to call me on one of his days off and I'd get them fixed! Nephew would NEVER CALL ME worried me sick that he was living in House without water. I had 2 weeks off one in Nov around thanksgiving. Told Nephew we'd fix pipesafter thanksgiving. uNPDS gets mad at me Thanksgiving and told everyone we did not invite them! 

Finally got that somewhat made up and say I am going to do pipes week between Christmas and New Years. uNPDS starts another argument all a pack of lies, so couldn't fix pipes then.

Then I am retired in Jan. I tell her I am going to fix pipes in Jan. She makes up a bunch of lies again. Now she is living in My house 15 months and not paid a dime. She says "well You have to pay the payment anyways so why should I pay you?" The house is unlivable so why should I pay you. ( I gave them $600. to clean the house.)

I ask them to leave and gave them a 60 day notice to be out by Aug 31,. She has had me on silent treatment since June. I have to file the eviction notice. Very depressing how all this has gone for me. I have been putting stuff in the house to move there when I leave uNPDH. I have everything valuable in there. I am afraid she is stealing. I hate that She has used me like this. I realized that Our relationship all these years was based on ME giving and giving to her. when I started setting various boundaries then she has NO use for me. I think these problems with her has made My CPTSD worse or at least brought out NEW things to deal with...lots of FOO.

So this is part of the stress I am going through.