I have been to see 3 therapists now and become increasingly anxious as time goes on as the relationship develops - which runs counter to what I have understood about therapy. Is this something that others experience? It gets to the stage where I find it very difficult to function with everyday life. I haven't gone with burning issues although these do arise from time to time when I have EF's, but more to do with a general understanding of my past, starting in late 2012 when my mother was dying and my refusal to see her before she passed away in 2013. So I have been in a relatively calm place before seeing the T, able to describe my situation quite rationally but the pattern seems to be that after a few sessions with the new T the anxiety starts.
the first I saw a few years ago I didn't know what to expect, she was a Rogerian style T, a kindly lady but I felt I lacked a structure and purpose and was aimlessly waffling on. One thing she did say to me was that she wasn't going to "become my mother" and pressurise me. If only I had heeded her advice, but I left after 8 weeks and her reply was "You don't know what you want"
With number 2 I stayed for a year and she was the opposite - it felt reassuring for a while to be told what my problems were but she completely took over and retraumatised me. Unfortunately I had unconsciously chosen a person like my mother, this is why I stuck with her for so long. I became a bag of nerves, suffered with many cptsd symptoms, and it took me about a year to recover and get back to a relatively even keel.
9 months later, last summer, I visited another T who I liked immediately, who is a "relational" type and understands about cptsd. I needed help understanding what had happened with the previous T and whether I had grounds to complain to the governing body. I found her very good, but after 5 sessions the most terrible anxiety overcame me afterwards and I couldn't continue. I recognise this is to do with my "freeze/fawn stance" - she gave me a sympathetic look whilst I was describing the previous T's approach and I couldn't react/had to hold it in until I got outside and then burst into tears (which I hadn't done at all over the previous T until then)
I would like to visit the 3rd T again as underlying issues in my relationship with my husband have resurfaced and I feel as if I need to understand what's going on. I am better informed as to what I want and need and she seems to fit the bill, but I balk at going back to her if I'm going to become so anxious again where I cannot function. Or is that me worrying about something which I cannot predict for sure especially as I have now become aware of the pattern?!
Just to mention that from my reading my self diagnosis is avoidant attached which makes it difficult for me, going back to my past and my understanding is that my N mother needed me not to need her, so as the "invisible child" I never bonded with her at all. My mother also trained and practised as a therapist in her later years so I'm aware that there are problems there.
Thank you
the first I saw a few years ago I didn't know what to expect, she was a Rogerian style T, a kindly lady but I felt I lacked a structure and purpose and was aimlessly waffling on. One thing she did say to me was that she wasn't going to "become my mother" and pressurise me. If only I had heeded her advice, but I left after 8 weeks and her reply was "You don't know what you want"
With number 2 I stayed for a year and she was the opposite - it felt reassuring for a while to be told what my problems were but she completely took over and retraumatised me. Unfortunately I had unconsciously chosen a person like my mother, this is why I stuck with her for so long. I became a bag of nerves, suffered with many cptsd symptoms, and it took me about a year to recover and get back to a relatively even keel.
9 months later, last summer, I visited another T who I liked immediately, who is a "relational" type and understands about cptsd. I needed help understanding what had happened with the previous T and whether I had grounds to complain to the governing body. I found her very good, but after 5 sessions the most terrible anxiety overcame me afterwards and I couldn't continue. I recognise this is to do with my "freeze/fawn stance" - she gave me a sympathetic look whilst I was describing the previous T's approach and I couldn't react/had to hold it in until I got outside and then burst into tears (which I hadn't done at all over the previous T until then)
I would like to visit the 3rd T again as underlying issues in my relationship with my husband have resurfaced and I feel as if I need to understand what's going on. I am better informed as to what I want and need and she seems to fit the bill, but I balk at going back to her if I'm going to become so anxious again where I cannot function. Or is that me worrying about something which I cannot predict for sure especially as I have now become aware of the pattern?!
Just to mention that from my reading my self diagnosis is avoidant attached which makes it difficult for me, going back to my past and my understanding is that my N mother needed me not to need her, so as the "invisible child" I never bonded with her at all. My mother also trained and practised as a therapist in her later years so I'm aware that there are problems there.
Thank you