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Topics - Pioneer

#1
I was able to get a really good therapist several weeks ago who seems to have a lot of experience with trauma. I am feeling so thankful. We have been meeting most weeks, and gradually I have opened up more to her. I seem to be trusting her more and more. Yay  :cheer:

She told me during our last session that since the time we started meeting she has seen a really big improvement. And I believe her. I know that have started genuinely smiling some during sessions, I don't laugh quite as often when I get nervous, I think I am actually hearing her questions a bit better instead of avoiding them  ;D And I even called her up during a big trigger one day and she helped me process it.

I have a journey of recovery ahead of me - I am feeling encouraged by the progress so far.

For some reason, I was tickled by this exchange at my last therapy session:
Therapist: For every year of trauma it takes 4 years of recovery.
Me (with a pondering look, and picturing myself reaching age 120 before I've healed): Am I even going to live that long?!  :))
Therapist: That's what I'm saying, it's a lifelong process. And you're in that process.
:))
And then she proceeded to tell me that she has seen a big difference.
#2
General Discussion / I sought to create a safe place
April 21, 2021, 03:21:46 AM
It occured to me recently that at times I tried to create a form of health and safety in my family as a kid. I am the oldest kid. And I would sometimes get my younger siblings together and organize and practice a made up skit or play for my parents. I would put a ton of effort into, making a homemade set, maybe cleaning the floor of the garage ahead of time so we could use that space, coming up with an entertaining play and getting us all dressed up and practiced. It would all be done in an afternoon or day, to keep our interest and adrenaline going. And then when everything was ready, we'd call in my NPS and entertain them. And that created a fun form of attention and affection for us all in those brief moments.

Eventually in my teen years I didn't feel safe to do those plays anymore. I don't think I got the same response perhaps. It didn't give me that rush of adrenaline and affection I was looking for.

Years later, I would get somewhat teased (put down in a way I think) for those times where I organized the plays, but I could still tell that there was still a sort of appreciation in them.

I think it is neat that I tried to pull everyone together.
#3
Medication / Meds for PTSD
March 26, 2021, 08:47:13 PM
I thought about just updating my previous thread about upping my antidepressant but I have some additional info to add so I decided to just start a new one instead. I did talk to my primary care provider about a month ago, after having some very scary and debilitating rough days, about increasing my citalopram which has overall been so helpful. We decided to increase it from 20 to 30mg. And that has been immensely helpful for me emotionally. I am handling life so much better. Though, of course, there are still big challenges and lots of healing ahead.

I did notice, though, after about a week of the increase that I was having some odd headaches. They were different from ones I felt before. It's been a numb, tingly, pressure headache and it obviously comes on with stress - pretty easily, and I've had a lot of stress. It was getting to where I felt really fuzzy and exhausted. And I was scheduled to see a nurse at the facility where I just started meeting with a good therapist, but the nurse is really booked and I can't see her right away. So, I went to see my PCP who prescribed my citalopram.

I had done a tiny bit of research ahead of time and found an article about a study done for treating PTSD with citalopram and baclofen, which is a muscle relaxer. And that had showed helpful benefits. I talked to my PCP about that and she said she'd read studies about baclofen and thought that would help me. And it does! It hasn't completely taken away the headaches. But I think overtime and as I work to decrease my stress they will get better. It is definitely worth dealing with some headache issues and continuing the 30mg of citalopram. I feel much safer emotionally and happier this way. One step at a time. And I wanted to share that in case its helpful for anyone else.

:grouphug:
#4
Anxiety / Good article about trauma rooted anxiety
March 16, 2021, 04:38:58 AM
This is a helpful article for me about the difference between generalized anxiety and anxiety that is rooted in trauma. It was posted by Deep Blue (thank you!)
https://themighty.com/2018/06/anxiety-from-complex-trauma/?utm_source=engagement_bar&utm_medium=link&utm_campaign=story_page.engagement_bar/

I appreciate the insight and it helped me process the anxiety and depression that I feel and affirms that they are rooted in trauma.
#5
I've had vitiligo (an autoimmune skin condition which causes patches of skin to lose color) since I was a preteen. I was pretty aware at the time that it was caused by stress, because I knew I had been extremely stressed and sick and it appeared around that time. When I was sick this particular time, I was not allowed really to be sick or to rest and recover and wasn't taken to the doctor. I also had a loss/grief I wasn't able/allowed to deal with at the time.

I finally went to a doctor for a wellness check up and when they weighed me, I weighed less than I had two years prior. The doctor was concerned. She asked if I'd had any stress. Stress? My whole life was stress. But my answer (with my NP sitting right there) was that I didn't know. My m gave an answer that was true but that of course didn't show any kind of family responsibility or fault for the stress. The doctor didn't seem totally reassured by our non-answers, but what could she do?  :Idunno:

It is only recently that I realized that the vitiligo was a result of stress which was a result of trauma.

The physical part doesn't bother me, in fact it's faded over the years and no one even notices. It's just the realization of the cause that is hitting home for me. It is proof that the somewhat invisible abuse of neglect and emotional abuse was real. It helps me acknowledge it once again.
#6
Therapy / Unknowns of starting therapy
March 01, 2021, 04:21:54 AM
I have been aware for some time that I will probably need a therapist to help me further along my recovery. I feel like I've gotten to a safe/stable enough place where that is a possibility. And with the support of a friend and my husband, I was able to talk to my physician about starting therapy with someone knowledgeable about trauma. So, she has referred me to a place which seems to deal a lot with people who are dealing with addictions but along with that they also do therapy for trauma. So, I will be going there for a first appointment, I'm assuming for an evaluation, this week. And the receptionist told me that it would take a half an hour at most. I'm not totally sure I believe her, and if that is true that seems really fast  :Idunno:

I have used some of the forums from OOTS and filled them out to take along (they may have a copy of them already since I gave them to my physician too who made a copy). I feel fairly confident about the visit, which reminds me of the healthier me. But realistically, it is a pretty big deal considering that there are a lot of unknowns. I had a bad experience with a counselor in the past. And the article linked in this forum talking about the signs of a bad counselor was very helpful in identifying and solidifying why it was a bad situation. So, hopefully I am a bit more prepared this time.

I am wondering if you have any other suggestions of things I should be looking for or considering or taking with me for the appointment?

My insurance will be able to cover the therapy and I will be able to do much of my therapy appointments online so I won't have to travel in. That is pretty important to me since we live very rural and I watch our kids throughout most of the day.
#7
Today is my father's birthday. It is the second birthday I have not told him "happy birthday", since we went NC. Do I miss him? Sort of... :Idunno: But not really.

I had a dream last night that sums it all up pretty well really. I have a reoccurring character in my dreams occasionally...it's a childhood classmate that I had a crush on, but I have identified "him" as being a representation of my father. Someone I longed affection for but could never attain. At best, I would get teased or scoffed at. The person was very self focused, insecure on the inside and had a fondness for money. That's my dad.

In my dream, the person was aware enough of my surroundings to pull out a check book and write a check for things they needed to see "fixed." Things that would be practical and probably looked bad if they weren't fixed. Something that would make my life easier is the best I could hope for. I was never looked at directly, or if I was it was from a distance. And at the end of the dream, the character set off in a direction that I needed to walk but didn't ask to walk with me. I had something else I wanted to do, and he went abruptly and didn't ask or wait, so I stayed and helped the people around me with something I could help with. I like helping people, and that is part of the path I have chosen, which is different from the heart of my f. He has the appearance of helping but not the humble heart.

And then today, in real life, I was told by my husband that some other FOO are offering to send us money. They contacted us by letter. We haven't been in contact with them for months. They say they want verification of our mailing address (which they have and it is not the same as our home address) to send it the money. I have a suspicion that it is really my NPs trying to send us money through family for the birthdays and the Christmas they have missed...to ease their conscious. This is not a first time occurence. And they are probably trying to gain the control through knowledge and emotional badgering of where our current mailing address is. But this doesn't truly give them any control. They have nothing. We are safe. I have to remind myself of these truths.

The questions that remain - Are we beyond accepting money from them? If my pride speaks here, we're in trouble already because it puts me in their control already because bad pride is a path to being triggered. In reality, the money would be very helpful to us. I also don't want to enable them further. Accepting their money might give them an adrenaline rush, though my h pointed out that they probably already have that from twistedly offering it in the first place. Also, is it my place to judge them or to take responsibility for their own feelings? I can only do what's right for me and my family.

I think I am processing all this better than I have in the past.
#8
General Discussion / What are the strengths of CPTSD?
January 30, 2021, 10:20:58 PM
I've been gradually processing the strengths that come with having CPTSD.  I've felt strengths and I've seen some great strengths in this forum. I wanted to share some of my thoughts and I would love to know what you all think, too.

I know it's really hard to know that there are upsides with CPTSD especially when our lives are overwhelming and full of turmoil, but maybe if we can write some things down when we can think of them they'll be healthy reminders when we're feeling down.

I see a lot of irony in the strengths that come from CPTSD:

1) We have suffered from lack of love and empathy, but I see more love, acceptance and empathy in this community than in many places. We are able to touch each others deep places of pain because we have walked through those dark places and we have a desire to comfort.

2) We tend to feel broken, exhausted and afraid, but we are are courageous - evidenced by the fact that we have survived this far and we just kept going despite how we feel.

3) We have been shamed and harmed by family or members of our community, and yet we have this deep sense of need for community. We feel like we need one another and are drawn to one another (even if it takes a while to feel safe to share), while culture around us is very individualistic and tries to prove that they can do it on their own.

4) We have been damaged by intense arrogance and treated in inhumane ways. And yet, we have a deeper sense of our own humanity. We see that we have needs, responsibilities, ways we need to change, ups and downs, improvements and victories. We are human. We realize that pretending isn't enough. We need to be real in order to heal and to be ourselves.

All that to say, I really value each of you and I see some of the great strengths that come out from you.  :grouphug:
#9
Inner Child Work / Article for kids of NPs
January 30, 2021, 05:55:03 PM
I was raised by NPs. And as my inner child has been coming out more for comfort and healing, I've found that I really need to understand what my child part went through to be as hurt as she is. This allows me to better understand the brokenness and pain I'm experiencing as a adult, and it strengthens the healthy protective side of me.

Kizzie linked to this article in a post at one point and I've read and reread it. It's been so helpful for bringing me back to reality when the doubts of what happened settle in again and again:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201802/the-real-effect-narcissistic-parenting-children

I wanted to share it in case it's helpful for anyone else. And it's also a reminder for me to keep going back and reading it. I seem to
really need the affirmation and understanding that the article gives. I am thankful for others who have studied and put this info out. I really need that outward perspective to help me take care of my inner child.
#10
Symptoms - Other / Change in vision perceptions
January 07, 2021, 03:32:29 AM
This seems random, but I was curious if anyone can relate to having vision perceptions change. I haven't experienced this since I was a kid, but I would commonly lay in bed trying to go to sleep and the door (where light was coming in) would sometimes look much farther away than it actually was. And sometimes it would do the opposite and look really close - right up in front of my face. And that was very anxiety inducing. I haven't had that happen since I was a child, but I am thinking it was related to the anxiety of neglect. I read about someone experiencing tunnel vision, so that may be what that was.

I think this has become less as well, but I can also remember some childhood memories as if I am watching from the air, as a separate person.

I don't know very much about DID but was curious if those are signs of that at all... I do in recent years change my personality depending on where in my CPTSD cycle I am currently. It's weird. It didn't used to be like that. Trying to put the pieces all together.
#11
Feeling sad right now and exhausted. I am laying down with blankets and feel some relief but also want to get some very vulnerable thoughts and feelings out.

My husband and I have been working on our relationship, especially since we have come to a safe location away from my NPs who severely manipulated our marriage. And overall we are growing and developing a safe relationship again - we used to feel very safe with each other and could talk about anything.

I have only known about CPTSD since this past year, but we've known for a few years now that I often see my h as my attacker, and in turn I attack him with my distrust, words and actions. As a result, I have avoided him and not really talked to him for weeks at a time in the past. And I would treat him with disgust. And as ironic (and possibly crazy) as this sounds, the only way he has found to get past those emotional barriers is to raise his voice at me and get harsh. It works, through, and snaps me out of it to where I remember that he is safe.

I had a counselor awhile back that I expressed some of this to (though at the time I understood less of what was happening to me emotionally) and she acted like my h was abusive and that he might leave one day. This sent me into a scary spiral of CPTSD and depression, and I soon got myself a different counselor...but the painful effects and doubts of that experience have remained. My h has been very faithful, understanding, and he feels just as scared (if not more) when I start to distance myself from him because it ultimately means that I'm going to a scary place emotionally and mentally. And it also causes him physical pain because stress exacerbates his health issues.

Does this sound familiar to anyone? I've felt scared to tell people (though I've told a few friends who know us) that my h yells at me sometimes. And he'll slam the door at times - which is also very effective for arousing my anger and grief which in turn helps me climb out of the pit of fear and shame that I am in. It's like he has to awaken my healthy protective state.

We had a incident today where I had been controlling something for awhile which did not turn out well, and he told me that I need to learn to communicate better. This is true. But I took it as an attack and started getting defensive and lying to him. And of course, he saw through all that. And then he got harsh. So, now I am shocked back to my senses and recovering. And he has to lay down to recover his body and emotions too. And as a result, we are sabotaged once again. And this cycle is so repetitive and frustrating.

But I do see that healing is happening. Thanks for listening.
#12
General Discussion / Low emotional energy
December 31, 2020, 06:01:55 AM
I have been "shoulding" myself for awhile now about needing to try to read more posts on this forum and to participate and encourage and make friendships. I compare myself to those who have been around for a while longer and who often have words of wisdom and empathy for others. But I am realizing the falsehood that I somehow need to compare my weaknesses to the strengths of others.

I can feel selfish (and I think I truly am a fair amount of the time) because I am so self focused. Yet, I have a thought that this feeling of low emotional energy in caring about others, is probably part of the recovery journey as well...  :Idunno:

As a child, I used dissociation a fair amount to survive. And so sometimes I feel like I must be disassociating if I'm not very actively involved. But perhaps I am just not able to right now...at least not to the level that I think I should.

I want to surrender my "shoulding", and shaming and show myself some empathy and kindness. That seems like a good start for wanting to be involved in others lives.

Can you relate?
#13
General Discussion / Resources for self-sabotage? *TW*
December 05, 2020, 05:06:06 AM
Hey, I could use some help finding some ariticles/resources or just some personal experiences about overcoming self-sabotage. I have begun reading Pete Walker's book and have tried looking through the different topics but wasn't sure where to look...

I'm not sure if this is helpful or not, but I think I was a flight-freeze type as a child, and I felt very abandoned especially in my teen years. And then in my adulthood I adopted some fawning when my NPs got the opportunity to abuse and control me and my family. And then I developed this habit of sabotaging my own sanity, going deep into freeze mode and depression, and I would also sabotage any opportunity for my husband to function healthily. My h has had a lot of health issues, partially due to all the stress and abuse from our abusers (we have distanced ourselves from them now!), and I would take on some of their behaviors. I hadn't acted this way before, but I would go into flight and freeze mode and my husband wouldn't feel safe to come out of the bedroom or to try to function...his body doesn't handle stress well. And it pains me raw to say all this...but my NPs were on a mission to physically kill him and to emotionally kill me. And its like I was helping them to do it. My h assured and pleaded with me to know and remember that this was not me. But since I saw him as my enemy most of the time, I struggled to hear him.

I have since been doing better. And this forum has helped a lot. But I still find myself heavily triggered when I realize that we are starting to do well. It's like I am convinced that this cannot be, that we don't "deserve" it or something. It's a strong natural tendency at this point.

I feel like my CPTSD symptoms hit me just in the past few years...I'm not sure if that's true. And it hit really hard.

I'd appreciate any advice. Does anyone else experience sabotage like this? I feel ashamed of it. But I also know that it's not truly who I am.

I feel desperate because this tendency has the power to keep us from providing for our family...it already has. But I also have hope that it can change.
Thanks  :grouphug:
#14
My little sister has her birthday today. We went NC with FOO this past year or so, so I can't contact her.

I've overall wanted to be a good, protective big sister. Our relationship hasn't been a healthy one, even though I thought we had gotten close especially as adults. I am learning that she is my NPs fawning and narcisstic child and she plays the part of not acknowledging (or at least in a lasting, meaningful way) their abuse. After we had confronted my NPs a year and a half ago, I was terrified to tell her. When I did over the phone about how manipulative our NPs had been, she seemed to listen but then said "I'm sorry there has been a miscommunication". I stood up for myself and with a shaky voice said, "this is not a miscommunication."  And then I explained everything again (I got a sunburn while talking to her on the phone). She asked afterwards if my husband and I could talk with her and her husband sometime about how our relationship with them was different from our relationship with NPs - presumably so they could understand the difference. I agreed, but it never happened. Partially it didn't happen because she kept pushing for it. And when my husband and I got this miraculous opportunity to talk with some friends of my parents, who live a long way off, she said she was "concerned" which really meant that we were not allowed to talk to them about the situation - we ended up meeting with those friends and it was one of the most encouraging, affirming conversations we've had. I think this was the first time I had ever argued with her. And I feel like I haven't really talked to her since (was just talked over by her). And we went NC with her this year, too.

I feel some guilt for not ever talking with her and her husband, too. But I don't think I should feel guilty... She has continued to send little guilt trips about not being able to get ahold of me. She had her first baby recently, too, and I have not been involved. I feel sad about that too. And there are some feelings of guilt. But I am terrified of her and of the strong connection she has with my NPs.
I love my little family too much to be in contact with FOO, and I love my FOO too much to enable their abuse. This is of course a work in progress since I deal with a lot of bitterness and then swing to "worship" of my FOO at times.

So, I guess I can get it out here and write this, "Sister, happy birthday. I am sad not to be involved in your life. But I love you and my family too much to contact you."
#15
Recovery Journals / Pioneer's Journal
November 21, 2020, 07:45:36 AM
This seems like an odd time to start a journal. I am in a weird place of happiness, satisfaction and raw sadness. Healing is happening. But it feels scary, new, uncertain...yet hopeful at times when I let it be.

I just found out the other day, and it's still sinking in, that my husband will be having a procedure soon to see if he has blockage in one of his arteries. It will be a low risk procedure to check his artery and do any repair work, but it is still shocking that he may be having heart surgery. We are in our early 30's and he has had a lot of undiagnosed health issues. Maybe this is the solution to a big part of them :Idunno:

So, I feel raw. And I feel courage at the same time. And a peace somehow in the midst.

I am really enjoying listening to a Christian song called "Lift my eyes" by "I Am They":
https://youtu.be/Xrg--2XtKRM
Some of the lyrics that really touch my heart say:

"More than answers, more than healing
God, Your presence is enough
I lift my eyes to Heaven and remember
You're still where my help comes from"

#16
Ideas/Tools for Recovery / What are you thankful for?
November 17, 2020, 09:01:23 PM
I am so often buried in my own emotions that I don't look around me to process what I am thankful for. I think actively thinking about what I am thankful for is healthy for my recovery. You're welcome to join in!

I am thankful for:

Beautiful blue sky
A safe environment for my family
Being able to laugh and cry some
Uplifting music
#17
Medication / When to up your antidepressant?
October 27, 2020, 09:51:56 PM
Does anyone have any thoughts on when it's clear that you should talk to your dr about increasing the dose of your antidepressant?

I'm on Celexa. I started taking it for the first time this Summer (my first time trying an antidepressant, though I'm sure I've needed it for several years). I started at 10mg (which is a really low dose) and I could tell it was helping but it wasn't lasting a full 24hrs. And then my doctor bumped me up to 20mg and that has been much more consistent for me. I've still been experiencing lots of highs and lows - the highs are much higher and the lows can be very sudden and tumultuous. I read on someone's posts (wish I could remember where) that these more intense highs and lows are a sign of recovery, which is encouraging. Still I can't help but wonder (especially on a rough day) if a higher dose would help level out the rough days where depression steals my emotions.

I know you all aren't doctors, but I'm curious what your experience has been with choosing to increase your dosage.
#18
Parenting / Explaining trauma/abuse to my little one
October 04, 2020, 05:06:51 AM
I have been thinking about how to better explain to my six year old daughter about my malignant narcissistic parents who we had to move away from and go NC with recently. She always got really excited about them coming to visit, only to be shattered by broken promises and traumatized by their neglect and emotional abuse (like I had been), but she still liked them and kept wishing for those few good moments she would have with them. She has missed them and has struggled to fully understand why we had to move away. We have explained to her that they hurt us. And that they wouldn't listen. And that they wouldn't admit to any wrongdoing on their part. And I've seen her little mind try to wrap around this whole thing.

Our decision to go NC has significantly changed her life. For the better we confidently believe. But how do we help her to more fully see that?

My husband and I ended up letting her stay up a little late watching a movie tonight - it was a last minute thing and we picked a Winnie the Pooh movie. How bad could that be as far as triggers go, right? :no:

The character Rabbit was portrayed as incredibly narcissistic and unwilling to listen to anybody, care about anyone but himself and was very unwilling to change. The movie portrayed so many of the characteristics of what we had to go through. Toward the end, the narrator had to "step in" and show Rabbit the future - where everyone had moved away from him. And that got Rabbit to decide to change. There were so many triggers for me in that movie. I made it through with some heightened anxiety and a little panic - my husband said we could stop the movie if we needed to, but I'm glad we finished it.  Afterwards, I was about to tuck my daughter into bed and she was very focused on drawing a picture before bed. It turned out to be a picture of her and her grandparents doing a fun activity with together - I think her fondest memory with them. I asked her if she missed them, and she does. I told her that was ok. I was able to then compare Rabbit in the story and tell her about how her grandparents were in many ways just like Rabbit. And how his unwillingness to change and hurtful ways made everyone move away - because sometimes we have to protect ourselves. I told her that it made sense to miss them though, too. She said to me that I probably miss them, too. And I told her that I do in some ways, but that I am also very scared of them. I think that statement took her a bit off guard. But I also think the frankness and honesty of the conversation was what she needed. She told me, "It helps if you can tell me what is going on." I told her that I have wanted to tell her more but that's not been hard for me (I've been dealing with a lot of CPTSD). I told her that we should be praying for her grandparents because God might be able to work on their hearts. But I also said that it is ultimately their decision whether on not they want to change. So we prayed together.

What tough concepts for a six year to try to understand! My heart goes out to her. Do any of you have experience trying to explain to a young kid about the abuse/trauma? How have you approached it?
#19
The transition and change has been real and a struggle for my little family since we went NC with my side of the family this year. We needed to move our family to a safe location out-of-state. So, it's not only a big transition for our little kids who are adjusting to a new location, but it is also a huge emotional and physical recovery for me and my husband. We both suffered trauma from the years of abuse, and we express it in different ways.

My narcisstic parents tried really hard to divide my husband and I, and our relationship has not been the same since, which has been really hard for both of us. But my husband has been so faithful throughout the mess, and he reminds me that he is not going anywhere. Despite this, I very often see him as the enemy as the CPTSD messes with my mind. And I have a tendency to sabotage all the good we are trying to build in our new home. The trauma takes a hold of me and I fear doing anything good for ourselves, even just basic survival - I'm sure this fear developed by the decades of training/programming that anything good will be torn down. I am not used to having someone stick by my side.

We can see recovery happening regardless of all the struggles. And we have escaped from all that mess we left behind, so we have a place to learn that we can be safe. Yet, it is still so difficult for me to leave it all behind. I wafer between feeling guilty for cutting off my family and wishing for their love and safety which never comes, and I also become very bitter and angry at them for abandoning and rejecting me and my little family on so many levels. I struggle to let them go. And that makes this transition and this new opportunity feel so impossible and hopeless a lot of the time. I end up tearing things down and then everything in life begins to fall apart and we feel backed into a corner. And my stubbornness so often refuses to think on the positive (such as the recovery that has already happened) that we have going on in our lives, which is a huge part of the problem.

These old patterns and habits need to change. I want to allow for a good and hopeful future for my family. I want to move through the grief and struggle and move past the point of feeling stuck and also like a wrecking ball.

It's been really encouraging and reassuring to read some of the resources and topics in this forum. I will take any tips or reassurances I can get from you all :)
#20
Please Introduce Yourself Here / A long journey
September 20, 2020, 05:15:44 AM
Hi! :) I am excited to join this community and to find people who have experienced a similar journey. I have been dealing with CPTSD symptoms for some time now but only very recently learned what it was. It was really encouraging for me when I discovered that there was an explanation for what I was feeling and dealing with. My parents are both malignant narcissistic abusers, but I grew up thinking I had a "normal, perfect and wonderful life" and it took me until recently (my early 30s) to discover this truth about them.

It was a huge relief for me to discover this truth. My husband and I were able to discern that about my parents with the help of some friends who had been in or seen similar experiences. My parents abusive tendencies became more evident to us when they increased their abuse toward us and our young children. Our lives, health, emotions and safety were falling apart and had been for quite some time. We were able to confront my parents and begin the process of some significant boundaries. A few months ago we moved across the country (we called it "the great escape") to where our family would be safe from their control. We are so grateful to be in a safe place now! And we have begun the process of rebuilding our lives.

The recovery process has been more difficult than we could have imagined. I do believe that recovery is happening though. It's already been really encouraging to read a little bit of the experiences in this forum, and I am eager to learn some more and to find support and affirmation along the way, too. Thank you  :grouphug: