So I just joined, and am really in a desperate place. I don't know how to sum up my story or my traumas, but I will try. The place I'm at though, which I've read is common for people with CPTSD, is totally isolated. I'm really hoping I can make friends here and get support for how to go be out in the world again.
I had a difficult childhood, parents separated when I was a baby, moved around a lot growing up, so always starting over as the new kid. Mom was emotionally abusive and dad, who wasn't too much in the picture, was very distant. I struggled for years with depression and anxiety but was never being consistently diagnosed.
As an adult I went through a series of traumatic events that included both parents getting dementia and dying, my marriage collapsing -- we divorced in 2015 -- and loss of my career. It's a long complicated story and I don't feel too safe opening up with it in my intro, but the upshot was I had to try to start over at 40 with no family and my social network basically evaporating on me as I was in such crisis.
I've found myself so isolated at this point I basically only know therapists and acquaintances from support groups. I'm a very smart person, compassionate, care about people. But I'm so overwhelmed and scared about how to be out in the world, fear that I will always be rejected and abandoned, fear that I'm not compatible with people in some fundamental way.
I'm really hoping others reading this may relate to any of it, hope you will be friendly to me. The lockdown of pandemic and a recent heartbreaking break-up, and the coming of winter -- I'm terrified I can't break the isolation and ever really be in the world again.
I had a difficult childhood, parents separated when I was a baby, moved around a lot growing up, so always starting over as the new kid. Mom was emotionally abusive and dad, who wasn't too much in the picture, was very distant. I struggled for years with depression and anxiety but was never being consistently diagnosed.
As an adult I went through a series of traumatic events that included both parents getting dementia and dying, my marriage collapsing -- we divorced in 2015 -- and loss of my career. It's a long complicated story and I don't feel too safe opening up with it in my intro, but the upshot was I had to try to start over at 40 with no family and my social network basically evaporating on me as I was in such crisis.
I've found myself so isolated at this point I basically only know therapists and acquaintances from support groups. I'm a very smart person, compassionate, care about people. But I'm so overwhelmed and scared about how to be out in the world, fear that I will always be rejected and abandoned, fear that I'm not compatible with people in some fundamental way.
I'm really hoping others reading this may relate to any of it, hope you will be friendly to me. The lockdown of pandemic and a recent heartbreaking break-up, and the coming of winter -- I'm terrified I can't break the isolation and ever really be in the world again.