I am having a really hard time tonight. I have been coming off an SSRI. I wish someone in my life understood how I feel. Or saw how deep my pain actually is. I feel like it's a bottomless pit.
I don't want to have to see my abusers every day. I don't want to be here with my FOO. That thought of "I don't want to be here" is a trigger for my CPTSD symptoms and I feel so trapped in destructive thought patterns that I have worked so hard to break free from.
I feel like I am trapped here with FOO and I feel like there is no hope of me getting better if I stay here but I do not know how to leave. I have nowhere else to go right now. I've been so scared of this ever since I had to leave my job and move in with my S. I just knew, somehow, that I would end up living with my FOO again, and here I am. No options but living with FOO again. I guess I don't feel safe here because they never kept me safe when I was little. I just wish I knew how to get better. It really, really hurts.
I have therapy tomorrow morning so that will be good, too. Thank you to anyone who reads this. I'm so grateful for OOTS.
I feel so much worse when I am feeling trapped in a situation. I feel like it reminds me that I am trapped in unbearable pain that I did not choose for myself and that I was powerless to stop. I desperately want to get better, I don't want to feel this way anymore. I wish that my brain would help me out and give me better solutions. I want to feel better. Even dissociation would be preferable to the overwhelming feeling that my life is not right. At least then I feel like it's not my life and that's somehow better. *sighs* I don't know. I am going to try to do something calming (again).
I don't want to have to see my abusers every day. I don't want to be here with my FOO. That thought of "I don't want to be here" is a trigger for my CPTSD symptoms and I feel so trapped in destructive thought patterns that I have worked so hard to break free from.
I feel like I am trapped here with FOO and I feel like there is no hope of me getting better if I stay here but I do not know how to leave. I have nowhere else to go right now. I've been so scared of this ever since I had to leave my job and move in with my S. I just knew, somehow, that I would end up living with my FOO again, and here I am. No options but living with FOO again. I guess I don't feel safe here because they never kept me safe when I was little. I just wish I knew how to get better. It really, really hurts.
I have therapy tomorrow morning so that will be good, too. Thank you to anyone who reads this. I'm so grateful for OOTS.
I feel so much worse when I am feeling trapped in a situation. I feel like it reminds me that I am trapped in unbearable pain that I did not choose for myself and that I was powerless to stop. I desperately want to get better, I don't want to feel this way anymore. I wish that my brain would help me out and give me better solutions. I want to feel better. Even dissociation would be preferable to the overwhelming feeling that my life is not right. At least then I feel like it's not my life and that's somehow better. *sighs* I don't know. I am going to try to do something calming (again).