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I haven't been on this forum in awhile. I was doing well. But since a visit with a friend in another state and the subsequent rupture, I have been suffering with light-headedness (dizziness?), tightness in my chest, and weakness. That's been 2 or 3 days out of 2-3 weeks. And many more days of severe fatigue. Today I am getting light-headed again. I did some spiritual work this morning, being gentle with myself as I realized that I've been irritable and am not physically gentle with myself. I took a long hot shower, at French Toast with honey for my Inner Child, and still the physical symptoms. I tried my Adult Child meeting, but I'm sick of those people. Actually, that's when I had to admit that my Outer Critic ({Pete Walker) was active. I read some of his book, too. I've had a few minutes of sobbing about my trauma.
I come to why I came here in the first place. I wondered if anyone here has had a good experience with the workbook, "Complex PTSD Workbook: A Mind-Body Approach To Regaining Emotional Control And Becoming Whole" by Arielle Schwartz. I don't like case studies, of which there's 3, as I can't always identify.
So thank you for reading this far and I hope to hear from you. I figured this was the best place to go since you know about cPTSD.

First off, I have to say, I have a really hard time concentrating with all these moving icons above the posting space. Wish they weren't there. I can't read with moving ads either. Gets me angry. I think I've found a way to avoid them. Relief! 

But the reason I'm writing is after some expansion in my life, I feel I am contracting. It may be a normal phase, but it seems to have happened after feeling betrayed. I have been close to someone for quite awhile. We talk on the phone a lot and had a couple of conversations last month where we didn't want to get off the phone. Then after that, I realized I was calling her a LOT more than she was calling me. I pulled back and didn't hear from her for a week. When I did hear, her message didn't acknowledge that we hadn't talked in awhile. We've talked about it some, but then after that conversation, I got to the root of it with myself and came up with betrayal. She acknowledged the "imbalance" in our friendship during our last conversation. I think it's been brewing for awhile except for that patch of time when we didn't want to get off the phone.

I usually have my blinds up all day for light. Today I wanted them down. Not dark, just so I feel protected.

Thanks for listening.

Hello to Fellow CPTSD survivors:
I've never been on a forum and I am frustrated right now with all I have to learn and the new stuff, like emojis above flittering around. I don't use those. I'm older... : /

I am not new to recovering from CPTSD, but it's only this year that I am coming to terms with relational trauma. I have few people in my life. I talk to people on the phone from different states through my recovery program, but no one in my immediate area I feel I can really talk to and depend on. I have an activity or two I do with other people, one live with precautions, and one on Zoom. But to really feel close and ask for help, like in my apartment kind of help, I have no one close-by.

I am hoping to have more company on this journey and maybe I need this format, though it's new, in order to feel safe. I don't know. Pete Walker suggested this site for me and even phone meetings may be too much for me right now.

I don't like sounding so non-functional. I function well in my apartment and with the groups I'm in. It just doesn't bring me any closer to anyone.

Thanks for listening.