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I hope you are both coping the best way possible..
do you find some days are worse  than others ?
I can relate to what your saying Dante with regards to seeing through a blurred lens .. whilst anxious.... Once it calms down I can see much clearer ..
I can't actually believe I have people like yourselves here to talk to .. it means so much not to be alone ..
❤️❤️

Thank you both so much for your helpful replies ..
Iv took up knitting as I have a new grandchild on the way .. that distracts me .. it only seems to get so bad when it's this particular family member that is seeing my M ..
My M has never reach out to me since my breakdown 15 years ago !! The family member see my M and it just brings all the fear back .. do you get this Hope ?
Other than this person my circle of family snd friends understand my cptsd ..
I do meditation which helps and I'm trying so hard to heal my inner child ..
Thank you both again 🤗🤗

Any advise greatly appreciated..
My anxiety has been off the scale today ..
A family member is in contact with my in denial narcissist mother .. when I even text this person my anxiety gets so bad ..
Iv took to having no face to face contact with this family member as it really triggers me ..
I haven't had contact with my mother for 15 years ... this one person who sees her is what triggers me ...
Iv always lived in fear of my mother and after my psychotherapy I decided I want to go no contact with her ..
It's just this family member that creates this terrible fear as it's connected to her.
I'm waiting to start EDMR ...
❤️X

Thank you ❤️

Hi
So sorry to hear your going through this with your family .. I haven't seen my mother for 15 years now and I feel so much better away from her .. even tho I'm still struggling with cptsd .. my mother played the victim all the time from as young as I can remember, she was a heavy drinker and when going away would lock mr into the hotel room when I was about 10 years old, then she would go back drinking with my dad and their friends. I can never forget the feelings of how scared I was inside this small room.. so alone..
I took to self harming to get her to take notice of me .. which did work as she had to take me to the Drs ( I used to scratch my arms with a hard nail brush until it bled ) then tell her it appeared over night ..:
I know I was literally so desperate to be shown attention and love.
I truly hope this forum helps you ..
For the first time ever I'm talking to people here who get me ..
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart ❤️

Hi ..
I'm very new here too ..
Already had some lovely support:
It really helps...
❤️

Thank you for explaining that...
I haven't got a date yet been waiting about 8 weeks now.
I definitely need help as the counselling doesn't seem to be helping me anymore nor the medication I'm on .. that why my dr referred me and that's how it came about that I'm suffering with cptsd ..
Had another incident tonight where my husband gets our grandchildren from my son ( the one who sees My Mother) my anxiety yet again was sky high .. anxious if I go there as it triggers me and anxious when I don't go as I feel I'm doing wrong .. so difficult to manage these feelings ...
My son just doesn't see it for what it is ..
Can't talk to him about my childhood anymore as he doesn't show any interest or compassion.. so leaves me feeling that I'm wrong !!!
Xx

Hi Armee
Thank you .. your helping me so much ..
Iv never had anyone I can explain my emotional and physical feelings to who actually really understands me..
I'm already feeling anxious today .. due to get our grand children this afternoon.. from our son who sees THE MOTHER !!!
Iv been advised to stay away for now until I start my EDMR therapy .. I know my son doesn't fulling accept that I get triggered through him .. and doesn't ever show empathy towards me with this situation since his been seeing his nan, MY MOTHER.... He feels sorry for her and I'm his faith as a Christian he forgives ..
That's a BIG word !!!!!
Xx

Really .. that's so good it made a difference for you , how did  it make a difference ?
Also just wandering if you or anyone here gets a feeling of anxiety then starts doing things really fast... like o need to keep working manic... is this hyper vigilance ? x

Thank you both for your replies..
It’s more about how it triggers me when I see him.. knowing he is in contact with the MOTHER ..
I can’t help but feel a terrible sense of fear even when I’m going to visit my son ..he never speaks to me about her .. but his children my grandchildren often mention nanny JJ …which obviously isn’t there fault .. bless them .. it’s all very difficult .. my anxiety literally goes through the roof..
Here’s hoping that when I start my ECMR emotional triggers won’t have such an effect ..
❤️❤️

You are so right Armee

I'm never returning to her .. she told my son who visits her she's is hurt and angry that I left her ...
So self centre...chooses to gnome everything she inflicted on us as little children ...
How do I deal with the triggers  get when I see my son who sees THE MOTHER ??
My anxiety starts before I even see him as I associate him with her..
He can't do enough for her yet knows how she has treated myself and brother ..
His more for her than he is for me his mum.. he says it's your relationship with her not mine ..
So hard as there is a wedge between us now snd that's HER ...

Good morning 
Iv found myself questioning why my mother doesn't  give me anything back....?
After years of counselling for depression and anxiety with a Pychologist I found I was co dependent and lived in fear of my mother....BIG FEAR ...
She physically abused my older brother and mentally abused me.. we were emotionally neglected..
Long story short Iv reach out to her  4 times to understand my pain  ... Iv written a letter to her and even turned up to her house .. which took a lot of doing .. she broke down crying saying how much she had mixed me .. as soon as I wanted answers she changed and became defensive and angry .. that was my cue to quickly get away !!!
Never again !!!!!!

Thank you all so much for taking the time to make me feel accepted within myself.
I'm currently waiting to start treatment EMDR .. as my go feels I need a more hands on therapy as the trauma is so complex.
Still having a tough time snd still kinda avoiding seeing my son as it's just too painful and the physical feelings are very hard to manage ..
Yes I'd love big hugs   :🤗🤗🤗

Yes only recently I have been assessed and diagnosed with CPTSD ..
Can't believe my childhood has affected me in this way .. I know I'm struggling every day with terrible anxiety and fear ..
Iv posted a new post on her as Iv inky just joined ..
Would love just one reply

Hi I'm new to this forum so please bare with me ..
14 years ago I had a nervous breakdown .. after years of pleasing  my narcissistic mother through fear from childhood.: during my psychotherapy which lasted 5 years I was unable to see my mother. ...
I can't remember much of this time and was on string medication.
She was informed that she could contact my husband to see how I was doing during my therapy.. she didn't bother to contact in the 5 years ..
I reached a place of understanding with regards to the childhood trauma and decided that I wanted to go no contact  when my therapy was over .
I was in a good place felt like I finally knew who I was ..
She wasn't in my life and  took no responsibility or acknowledgment of my abusive childhood ..she was angry that I left her!!!
All was so much better until my eldest son made a choice to have her in his life .. I accept he can make his own choices but since then I have started with severe anxiety and depression he has reinforced the trauma again .. it's got so mad that I have now been diagnosed with CPTSD .. awaiting to start therapy..
My son doesn't want to hear about anything to do with the mother and says it's between me and her .. he doesn't accept his a trigger ..
every time I'm going to see him the trauma comes back .. the physical symptoms are so strong ..
So from how far I had come to today .. it's all come back...
Feels so hard to start again after..
Thank you ☺️