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things have been good lately,   almost scary good.   I haven't been to the gym in a week,   i miss it,    just been busy.   trying to get back to my regular schedule.   I had 2 drinks yesterday,  i have been really good about limiting alcohol.   I had some fun playing poickleball this morning,  heading off to work now

thank you hope, NK  and PC !   I appreiciate you

    

Thank you Armee and NK !!
  spent some time with co workers yesterday,  it was nice.   feeling good today.   work has been slow,  might start a part time evening job. 

today is my birthday,  i try not to think about it too much,  i usually like to forget.  i have been trying to find a way to enjoy holidays and birthdays,  not sure i am there yet.  I went to a few AA meetings,  i really like the way i feel after.  Going to the gym this afternoon.

thank you NK !     I have been doing good,  going to the gym almost every day.  day 5 without a drink.   I have been mostly happy,  i haven't been sleeping well,  but that's ok   

thank you hope ,
still a little congested,  feels like it will never end.    I had a few drinks yesterday,  probably should not have driven home.   not going to beat myself up about it.   i don't want to drink,  just so tired of being consumed by the constant struggle.  tired of counting the days.
  i went to the gym yesterday,  that always makes me feel better.   working this afternoon. 

    

thank you hope 
 doing some things around the house this morning,   going to the gym soon.   i lost 7 pounds last week due to not feeling well,  but gained 3 pounds back.   

I had 4 shots yesterday with some co workers,  it felt great,   i didn't over drink,  and i felt normal like everyone else,   i don't want to drink everyday,  but i just can't take the pressure.  so today is day 1,   and maybe i am not thinking clearly when i say i feel normal when drinking.    i think i am a little lost,  but i feel good.  I don't want to use alcohol to cope,  i really don't want to drink at all.    i don't know why i am so consumed by this.   
 I went to the gym yesterday,  first day in almost a week as i wasn't feeling well.   going to go again tomorrow.   

welcome ghost

welcome andy, 

i love all of you,  thank you for being here.

the last few days have been good,  other than having sinus congestion and feeling terrible.  I haven't been to the gym in a week,  i really miss it,  just have had no energy.  hoping to go tomorrow.  day 6 without a drink,   i am trying not to focus on that number,  trying not to put so much pressure on myself. 

thank you narckiddo and hope,   i didn't drink,   i took sevreal hydroxyzine pills and went to sleep.   I am trying to find a way to get back in therapy.   

today was good,  until a few hours ago.  I don't know why,  I get depressed ,  i start feeling negative emotions and getting negative thoughts.   I want to drink,  but not because i want alcohol,  i think it's because i want to hurt myself.  it is going to be a hard night