Messages

Schrodiner's cat
Thanks so much for the book recommendations. I just received Stalking the Soul a day ago and I've finished it, unable to put it down. What a book.

Thanks Again!

FindingPeace4

Well this something I have been working on for quite sometime now. Processed foods can really make you feel sluggish and not energized, so I try to stay away from that as much as possible. I increased my vegetable and fruit intake. I eat nuts. I drink water constantly. Staying hydrated is such a hugely important aspect of good health. It helps with everything! I drink chamomile tea every night before bed. I stay away from caffeine as much as possible too, because it can definitely bring on anxious feelings for me. I like to look at my plate as 25%Fruits, 25% vegetables, 25%grains, 25% legumes. I'm not a big meat eater, but if it is on my plate I keep it small. I have read about omega 3's being good to increase as well, but really don't have much experience with it.

When your body is being taking care of properly, it doesn't "cure" your anxiety, but it certainly doesn't enhance it. At least that is my experience. Michael Pollan wrote a book called "Food Rules". It is an excellent outlook on what we eat and what we should eat. Of course after I read it I was so inspired and went overboard. Which then brought me back to old habits. I've learned to change one thing at a time and until it becomes natural. I don't try to add to it with changing other things at the same time. So, it is still something I'm working on.

I started with water. I rarely drank it. Now I try to make sure I drink half of my weight of water in ounces each day. For example, if you weigh 100lbs, you should try to drink 50oz of water each day. Sounds like a lot, but its only 6.5- 8oz glasses a day. Just starting to increase it is helpful.

I also wanted to comment on you stating that you would stand a chance on working on the grounding and mindfulness techniques if you weren't so anxious. I completely understand. It can be impossible to focus on anything when you have anxiety. Your mind is constantly racing. Breath! Breath! Breath! There is no special technique or time needed for that. Be aware of your breath. Take a moment just to think, am I breathing? Obviously, you are, but being aware of that can help you slow down your breathing, which helps.

One more important piece of advice I received one day. Become friends with yourself. I look at it as, when I am feeling really bad, what advice would I give a friend going through the same situation? Then I give that advice to myself. Love yourself and know you are perfect as you are.

Hope my blabbing helps a bit.

FindingPeace4 

I have been through a lot of different drug concoctions and what has worked for me is 150mg of Zoloft in the morning and 5mg of Klonopin twice a day as needed. I have tried to come down to only 5mg a day with the Klonopin, but the side effects hit me pretty hard. What I mean is that my anxiety came creeping back in pretty quickly. Unfortunately, the timing wasn't good. My psychiatrist recommended that I stay on until things have slowed down in my life.  I've been taking this combination for about four months and it seems to help me focus better. I direct that focus to finding coping strategies for anxiety, depression and PTSD (or maybe now I'm seeing it being C-PTSD). Oh and food! Nutrition has become so much more of a relevant missing puzzle piece. Of course, seeing a therapist and psychologist is a huge help, but also another struggle I had. It was so hard for me to find a psychologist and a psychiatrist that I felt really comfortable with. I went through several until I found what I felt was the right choice.

It is so hard to go through all of this when you would rather just throw in the towel, but the extra effort made such a difference. I have been on Trazadone, Prozac, Xanax and Lexapro at different times, but they never seemed to really help as much as this combination does.       

Hope this helps. 

Splendor in the Grass
I have been going back and forth a million times on how to respond to such a powerful response. No words seem strong enough to express what it means to hear those three words "I believe you". So many times I have reached out to people that I have known and I know love me and I them, but they never seem to truly "believe" how completely paralyzing this has been. They will say things like "that stinks" or "mention how hard this must be for my husband". Of course, I am aware that this has taken a toll on him greatly and I am a very compassionate and supportive wife. At least I do everything in my power to be. I read about how to support him. I read all I can about PDs and growing up with family members that have and/or are effected by them. I see a psychiatrist and psychologist and although he doesn't feel the need to anymore, I did insist on him attending with me when we decided no contact. I wanted to make sure we were making the right decision and it wasn't just me being overdramatic.
It seems silly sometimes when I read what others have gone through that have been so much more difficult and it makes me think about the little boy my husband was and in some ways still is and how hard it must have been to live with that. I have a great set of parents. I have a great family. However, this is real. I feel it. Physically, mentally and even spiritually. Just saying THIS IS REAL is what I have needed. I need to stop apologizing. This is real.
Thank you for your kind words and support. I could never put into words how much it means to me.

Your explanation, the "autopilot" to essentially get what needs to be done, done and "postponed" reaction are exactly what I would say, if I had thought of the right vocabulary to describe it myself.

I send all my well wishes and thoughts to you and your family. I hope you find peace somehow in all that you are dealing with. I hope to have many more conversations with you and others on this forum.

Thank you.     

Schrödinger's cat - Thank you so much for your response. I've learned so much about how emotional abuse has effected my husband and myself greatly. It is a blessing and a curse. It has opened my eyes to how important it is to take care of not only your body, but your mind. I've studied Yoga in the past and am restudying and really learning the connection of mind, body and spirit. I have suffered from anxiety and depression most of my life and am just learning this now. I covered it very well, being the only member of the family that was always willing to help and go out of my way to do things for others. I realize that it was my coping strategy for dealing with the anxiety and depression. When things slowed down, I melted down. Exactly what you are saying is more than likely happening again. This whole experience with my husband and his family has just made it more evident of how our mind, body and spirit are connected. Ignoring one part just can't happen. I hope I can teach my children that and that more doctors recognize this connection.
In my experience, emotional abuse is sometimes not taken very seriously by outsiders. That, at times, was making me doubt my own instincts. I'm learning to trust my instincts and know that emotional abuse is real. And it can and has effected my life and my husband's life. This forum and out of the fog, makes me feel connected to people that understand that this is something that is real. And something that should be taken a lot more seriously. It needs to be talked about more. It needs to be understood more by every human being.
I am going to look into the book you have suggested. Again, thank you so much for taking the time to write to me.

Thank you both. Just knowing that I am not alone is very comforting. Very, very comforting.

WOW! Thank you so much. I really appreciate your thoughtful response. I will check out all that you have suggested. I am a member on Out of the Fog as well and they recommended here to discuss PTSD or CPTSD. As for my husband, he, according to our therapist, is one of the "lucky" ones with regards to his dealing with his family. He recognized there was a bigger issue than he already thought with his mother and sister. He saw how it was effecting us and put an end to it immediately... not without my pushing of course. During counseling, in the beginning, it was hard for him and I have watched him go through stages of sadness, denial, anger and now acceptance. It is something that we work on together and will for the rest of our lives. Oddly, I have a harder time than he does and it is something he grew up with. Our children are 3 and 5 and they have never met our 3 year old and only saw our 5 year old up until  around 2 and it was very limited. The kids do know they exist, but we explained to them that they don't make good choices, so we don't see them.

I thank you again for taking the time to write back. This whole experience (online forums) has been so therapeutic. In a big way, it has helped me get my life back. I just want to continue that way.

I have a situation where my husband's mother and sister have what we believe, along with our therapist and psychiatrist is a combination of NPD and BPD. We have had NC with them for the past around 3 years. We even moved away suddenly with our two young children, because of the constant harassment. My husband works long hours and most of the time I was left at home with my two young children feeling trapped, vulnerable, scared. I would run to my car, getting my kids in as fast as possible. Sometimes at the end of our long driveway, my husband's mother would stand waiting and then yell as we pulled away. She would walk by our house constantly. Making it known that she was there. Constant phone calls. Screaming/cursing messages. Crying/sobbing messages to follow. Constant e-mails. Constant letters on the door or in mailbox. Constant presents left at the door. We tried to get help from the police, but living in a small town, everyone knew everyone and didn't think it was a big deal. I felt helpless. It was terrifyingly creepy and made me a complete hermit. All of my shopping was done 40 minutes out of town to avoid confrontation. I even took my son to a preschool 45 minutes away, so that she could not find him. Not to mention she blabbed all over the town the sob story of she didn't understand why we wouldn't speak to them. We lived in a small town. Mostly EVERYONE was somehow related. All of my husband's friends believe her stories and the rest of the family, who has confirmed that they feel something is WAY off, choose to ignore us and avoid any kind of involvement.
After we moved, everything was going well. The stress in our lives had become nonexistent with regards to his family. Then it just hit me like a ton of bricks. My psychiatrist diagnosed me with depression, anxiety and PTSD. I take Klonopin and Zoloft. It took some time, but I started feeling better. Recently, I have been experiencing those same feelings I used to have when I was trapped in the house. I can't put my finger on what it is that made this anxiety return so strongly. There was an incident yesterday where my phone rang with "unknown caller" and it paralyzed me and consumed me the entire day, but I was already feeling anxious before that call. It just enhanced it. No message was left, but it still bothers me.
Up to this point, we don't believe they know where we live and we are in a secured access building, so I shouldn't be so anxious. I wish I could shake this awful feeling, but I just can't. It stays with me. We've been here for 7 months and most of the time I have been feeling good. I want to be a good wife, mom, daughter, etc., but I feel like this is taking over me again. I wasted so much time focusing on this that I have missed out on so many things with my kids. I was technically there, existing in the moment, but my mind was elsewhere for so long. I don't want to go back to that. I don't want to miss anymore of my life or my family.

Please...any suggestions on how to shake this. I'm desperate not to fall back.