Menu

Show posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

Show posts Menu

Messages - Kizzie

#1
Parenting / Re: Helping my son
March 27, 2024, 04:12:52 PM
Maybe you could just ask him if he is noticing things about you and your Dad that are hard for him to understand or make him sad and go from there. If you are calm and willing to listen to him that can go a long way with a teenager.  If he doesn't want to talk about it maybe just make sure he knows you care what he feels, that you will listen to him any time he wants to bring something up, that none of it is his fault it is because of trauma (explaining it in a simple way without being overwhelming), that you love him dearly and are open to talking anytime.
#2
I'm sorry we missed your post Keirshy and just wanted to say it's not because of what you wrote, but sometimes it happens here and it's unfortunate because we really want everyone to be heard and respond. It may have been a day or two when there were just a heap of posts I don't know but I did want you to know you are important to the community.

Becoming aware of patterns is a really important step so hope you have continued to do so and that you will return to let us know how you are doing.

 :hug:   Kizzie
#3
Successes, Progress? / Re: Avoided collapse
March 27, 2024, 04:01:26 PM
Wonderful to hear this BB  :thumbup:   :hug:
#4
Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: Giving up & faith
March 27, 2024, 03:59:22 PM
Marianne, can I just say that to me faith has some good points, but some not so good points too. If it is not a comfort to you and you feel like a bad mother and person, filled with shame and guilt, perhaps you are not looking at God in quite the way your faith intends. I'm not a believer but I feel like if I were I would see God as understanding what the trauma had done to me, that it was normal and healthy to be angry and sad, and that you deserve comfort, support and validation not harshness for things that shaped you at the hands of others. So many of us feel guilt and shame because we were taught to feel that way, and because it helped us survive if we took responsibility away from our abusers.  But that is not a true picture.  We must lay that responsibility back at the feet of those who hurt us.  I'm pretty sure your God is likely more like this than the harsh judgemental one you see.

I truly don't think you should hide it anymore  :hug:   
#5
More often than not whenever I express anger I initially feel good I am letting it out, but then I flip into shame and feelings of failure.  Part of that is anger feels like I am not in control.  It is a rebound effect where the inner critic rises up and shouts about how I am supposed to be - always calm, responsible, respectful, tolerant, perfect - and rises up to fill me with fear and shame about who and what I am and how no-one will like me, how anger leads to abuse and isolation from others.  :blahblahblah:

Most people do get angry from time to time though, it helps us stand our ground in this life and as long as we do not go after the person and stick to the issues it's even healthy. Pete Walker talks about reigniting our protective instincts that we are all born with but survivors must snuff out or push it down so more abuse and shame don't rain down on us. I'm working a lot on understanding that anger is a normal, healthy emotion but it's how you express it that makes a difference. I'm doing very well with my H, the rest of the world better but not quite there yet. Just going to keep on working on it as I have made some progress so there's that.   
#6
Sexual Abuse / Re: Facing my offender
March 27, 2024, 03:36:12 PM
I'm with BB and Cascade on this one. It's likely he will not respond as you would hope he would and to avoid that but say what you need to say for you, we do have a section for that. Sadly as many of us have found our abusers do not take responsibility for their actions and to bang up against that can be very retraumatizing. Here you can write your letter and then receive support, validation and comfort when you post it.
#7
You know I had the same kind of knot in my stomach for years and years until I went No/Low Contact with my family.  When I look back now it's because I finally could breathe and think and feel without all the narcissistic chaos that was/is my family of origin. I had actually forgotten about it until I read your posts. It's taken some time and work but at least I've managed to banish that awful knot so keep on going. 
#9
Welcome Journey, I hope being here does help you.  Somehow not being alone in what we've suffered makes it easier to deal with (as in I'm not alone in this and I know no matter what I say at OOTS they will get it).

Warm group hug for you if that's OK  :grouphug:   
#10
General Discussion / Re: CPTSD and DD study
March 23, 2024, 04:32:55 PM
Love to see more studies and resources like this at long last.  This kind of research will give us evidence based strategies and models so no more relying so much on PTSD studies which were incomplete at best and ineffective at worst.  Would love updates, tks.
#11
Suicide Ideation/Self Harm / Re: Struggling
March 23, 2024, 04:13:03 PM
Yes how are you doing NewJourney? I hope you found some relief.
#12
Not a wimp at all Ghost, as Cascade says the blame lies with your H. I don't know the law either but we do have some info here about accountability https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=15193.0.  It may have some info to help.  There's also laws now about coercive control in a lot of countries.  I don't know if that quite fits your situation but it might. At the very least there may be pro bono lawyers who could help you take him back to court and have his alimony rescinded and order him to pay.  It sounds like that would be a reasonable court decision based on what you've described.

I just looked up where you live (only I know where that is as I am the Admin for the forum), and you actually may be able to sue for emotional distress under the personal injury laws of your location.

#13
Hi qibosome and welcome to OOTS.  We certainly understand overwhelming trauma and filling our lives with distractions here. Sadly it only works to a degree and then something stresses us past our limits and up pops the trauma, usually in spades.

There is a lot of support, understanding and resources here so I hope you find them helpful.  One sliver of good is that you are fairly young and getting help now rather than later in life can help you to have a better life.  Many of us here did not know it was CPTSD we were struggling with until much later in life and our CPTSD was fairly dug in. The earlier on you get into treatment the better.
#14
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: I feel lost
March 23, 2024, 03:47:51 PM
Hi Obsidian, welcome to OOTS and I hope you find some comfort, support and information here that helps. That is a lot of pain to be exposed to in your job so I can certainly understand how that layered on top of your past would be incredibly difficult. Good to hear you have leave from work, at least you don't have to deal with the job now.
#15
Andy I am so sorry for what you have and are currently enduring. Given your age there is some good news and that is if you can get treatment now you may not suffer with symptoms over a lifetime.  Now I know you are not in a familial situation where there is money of the will to get you help but I did Google your country (I am the Admin here so I know where you are from but I am the only one here that does), and the words "social welfare assistance".  Your country does have programs for individuals in your situation so if/when you feel up to it maybe Google that and find some help for yourself to get out of your parents house and for therapy and such.

Kizzie