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I too struggle with feeling unloved at times, and am terrified at the thought of even one person in my life saying they don't care about me.
I have never been in an abusive relationship nor have I been sexually abused, so I can't say anything about not wanting to be intimate. But I do know that friends are hard to make and keep, I just don't have the energy to socialize, and always keep everyone at arms length.
But like some of you have said, that could just be a symptom of the abuse, not wanting to get close enough to somebody so as to avoid any future abuse.

Whenever the girls at my Sunday group talk with each other, they seem to have normal conversations. But when they talk with me, it's like they talk differently towards me.
Everyone has done this with me, except for the sister of my mentor.  She has been a huge blessing to me.

Hi, I am needing some help and QUICK!
So lately my emotional flashbacks have been really awful at night.
I cannot get to sleep, and quite frankly, I am terrified to go to sleep.
Every thought comes and bombards me.  I stay up real late.
I also intensely CRAVE cuddling.
I am trying to get my year younger sister in my bed with me, but she is not able to for some odd reason.

But anyway, has anyone ever experienced this before?
And if you have, could you please write down some advice.
I am just going through a hard spot right now, and advice is appreciated.

Thanks guys, you are the best.

Thanks, I'm doing a lot better now.
The reason I'm having trouble eating is probably related to hormones.
I basically have to force myself to eat.

I watched this funny video where this guy was doing voice-over of people asking if they were pregnant based on 'this or that', only, they couldn't spell pregnant.
I was laugh snorting the whole time.
Which I had become self conscious about, only recently becoming brave enough to open up again.

So today has been really hard for me.
I was jittery and the only thing I've eaten was a butter and cheese sandwich. (I used to eat those when I was little.)
I am struggling to keep my thoughts positive and ground myself.
Any tips?

So on Sunday I was playing a board game with my little sister who has ADHD and seizures, and I was already having a rough day, my depression/anxiety/whatever else decided to kick in the whole day.
So when we encountered rough patches there were several times where I would go to my dad and cry, and he would wrap me in a hug.
But then I hit an even harder one, and I said I wanted to quite the game.
I continued to repeat the statement, and it continued to be ignored by my dad.
The whole time I was experiencing this, I was silently crying and having an EF of "No one wants to help me."
Eventually my dad came over and told us to take a break.

So that is the first one, the second is as follows.

I can't exactly remember how it started, but I said or implied something that made my mom cry, and dinner was silent and uncomfortable until my parents forced me to tell them what was bothering me.
I had been in this situation before with the my confession of having been clinically depressed for about 2 years.
My parents figured out that I had been talking to a church leader about it and demanded answers.
The process usually goes like this: I do/say something, my mom cries, my dad gets mad, I get a lecture, and my little sister who has seizures and ADHD who has outbursts seems to get away with some things (which my mom said was the same for me) but I don't seem to get the same treatment for my outbursts.
But anyway, what had bothering me was that I missed how things were before my youngest sister was born.
I missed just being me and my sister. (who is 15 months younger than me, and we think we were both a set of twins.)
I never had learned to cope with the addition and when I always bring up "Two siblings is enough for me.", my mom replies with "The children don't get to choose."
I know the children don't get to choose, but I like small families, and I feel myself pining for days long gone.
I just have so much social anxiety, that it sometimes keeps me from my own family.
And then my mom suggested that she and my youngest sister could live at my grandma's.
She has done this to me a couple of times.
Back in 2014, when my depression was really bad, my mom said "I can just take her and leave, is that what you want?"
I didn't show much emotion when she said it, but I broke down crying after she left my bedroom.

I just hate having to be in the "parental confrontation" situations.
I have experienced them enough, and I feel trapped when they are going on.
My parents were never physically abusive, and my mom isn't emotionally abusive anymore, but I still feel like she sometimes says something that grazes old wounds.
It also feels like they are guilt tripping me for feelings that I can't control, and have no idea how to handle.


This ended up being much longer than I intended it to be, but I guess I just need someone to help me on this.

Thanks sanmagic7.
We've all got this! 

I had a bad night last night.  I couldn't get to sleep, even with my sister in my bed, cuddling like we used to when we were kids.
All these intrusive thoughts, I can't shut my brain down.  Even if I take a melatonin.  I think it was almost 1:00 by the time I got to sleep.
Yet I was still able to wake up at 6:30. Which never happens if I have a late night.

My morning has also been pretty rough.  I sometimes feel like I'm wasting my life away, but it's getting hard to go through even one day  sometimes.  I just don't know what to do.

I too, can relate to this.
I really don't like retreating into my mind (like who I am in my soul), doing so only when I'm on one of my flashbacks.
I can't stand crowded places, and recently I have developed physical reactions to being in certain settings.
I get hot and cold, start shivering, my startle reflex is set to high gear (seriously, one of my leaders came up beside me and placed her hand on my shoulder and I jumped), and I get exhausted easily.

Is it also weird that I can play out distressing scenes in my head?
I never went through any physical abuse, yet these disturbing scenarios continue.

Thank you to anyone who can answer this.

I was also wondering how to handle the triggers and emotional flashbacks.
I mean, they don't happen everyday.  But when they DO happen, I just have to be alone for a while and it can take a some time for me to come back.
My mom would understand, because she has been through it too, but I don't feel comfortable talking about it too her.
Is it healthy to be alone to sort through it, or do I need to be around people and just try to suppress it?  (I don't know if suppress is the right word or not.)
I also crave cuddling.  I did cuddle with my mom, but there was this long period where I pushed everybody away due to me being so confused and overwhelmed about what was happening to me.

Just a side note, does anybody else on here get REALLY annoyed when teens say "triggered" and are NOT referring to PTSD?
I almost shook this boy who's a year younger than me at my church because he's used it so many times that it became annoying.

I don't know, does emotional abuse awaken a slightly violent side to yourself, particularly if you experienced slight violence in your home?
It also seems like my personality has been changed, you know what I mean?

Sisue, I feel for you.  I remember when I also had REALLY bad depression.
I felt like I was a robot, just "going through the motions", and not enjoying any activities.   (I like how you stated that.  It makes it easy to understand.)
I feel as if I too have had to completely start over.
I also don't really feel an exact emotion most of the time.  Just more of a "okay, I'm here" type of thing.

But hey, thanks for sharing how you feel.
It not only helps you, but also the other people on this board understand more about what they are going through.
Biggest of big hugs to you!   

Hi Sesame!  I suggest starting small, to perhaps rekindle even a slight interest.
Maybe you could do a small doodle on a post-it note.
I know how hard it is to see something you enjoyed for so long, suddenly be so painful to do.
I am still new to this healing process and am having to force myself to do school sometimes.

@radical.  What you said about something being so hard for us to do, and giving ourselves some inner praise, really cheered me up.

I am so blessed to have found this board.
Hugs to everybody out there who is helping us heal, and for the people on this forum who share their stories and tips! 

Yeah a couple of times at speech club, we did this an impromptu topic speech, and when I stood up to say it, I felt "disconnected", so to speak. And when I was younger, it happened a couple of times at ballet lessons. I think it has happened more than I have realized, maybe I just don't notice it.  And sometimes I can't really pinpoint an emotion, or I can be deadpan.
Do you guys think that is dissociation?

1. My artistic ability
2. My dark sense of humor
3. My Asperger's makes me unique
4. I am loyal (Even though relationships are hard for me, and I feel like I don't have energy for them, you better believe that I will stick up for you.)
5. I am a nerd!

Art
My sister
Fencing
Steven Universe (favorite characters are Lapis, Pearl, and Peridot)
Gravity Falls
Star Wars
Herbal tea
Youtube
Chocolate
I absolutely love the ocean!

"Everybody is a genius.  But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."
- Albert Einstein