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Messages - Eyessoblue

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Hi, long time sine I posted. I just wanted to say that I had every diagnosis of cfs or fibromyalgia or both. I was ready to go the GP and tell her it all, Iíd read up on both and diagnosed myself, this was it , this was me. Then Corona struck so I couldnít go..... in that time of Coronavirus my anxiety/ tiredness was the best it had ever been. I slept better than ever, was no longer tired. My depression lifted!!í And why? Because nothing as major as Corona could even get close to the trauma of my life. Everyone was going through major anxiety and I was just like - what, whatís the issue, itís not so bad..... quite common in serious trauma cases Iím told.... my CFS and Fibromyalgia symptoms literally disappeared at the start of Corona, which just shows my symptoms are anxiety related and makes me question. If Iíd gone to the GP and told her my symptoms Iím sure she would have agreed that my diagnosis was correct, written me off, given me a load of pills and I would have gone home claiming to the world how unwell I was. But, something as in Corona changed my Ďmindsetí and I thought no, I donít have that, yes Iím tired, exhausted and have cptsd, but Iíve labelled myself and probably would have convinced my GP I had what I didnít therefore sunk into a depression of illness that I didnít actually have. ....... just a real eye opener for me that although I had the symptoms at that time, my cptsd/anxiety was actually all I need as my diagnosis and the rest I believe was placebo and believing as I had the symptoms of cfs and fibromyalgia then thatís what I had.... Iím sure I could have labelled myself with more too, but those diagnoses can set you up for life, it was a lesson for me well learnt that just go with what youíve got and let it be part of cptsd, you dont need anymore diagnoses to your name, you donít need another illness under your belt. Think carefully before you think what you might not have..............

Yes Iíve just had this confirmed have been told to take a Thyme supplement as well as a probiotic which should help with this.

Hi, sorry for late reply. Yes I do get the symptoms as you described but Iím also at the age of menopause so itís very difficult to decide if itís that or both. The brain fog is definitely getting worse but again I know thatís related to menopause, Iím seeing my doctor in 2 weeks so hopefully she can give me some idea with it all. Hope youíre doing ok otherwise?

Hi, strangely enough, Iíve got a GP appointment booked in a couple of weeks as I think I have this, Iím permanently tired and not just as in I feel tired but I literally feel that my body shuts down after the simplest of things, I can do one thing a day then have to rest for hours after, my brain is on a weird disconnect and my body aches all over. Iím sure this will be my diagnosis, feel like I just canít cope with the simplest of things without going into meltdown.

Therapy / Re: Emdr not clinically indicated for cptsd?
« on: January 11, 2020, 08:19:44 PM »
Hi Libby, yes I can like you look back and see how much itís helped me and definitely benefited me massively in so many areas which is why Iím keen to have more but with the same therapist I had originally if the nhs allow me back....
I hope youíre doing ok.x

Therapy / Re: Emdr not clinically indicated for cptsd?
« on: January 02, 2020, 07:48:22 PM »
I just wanted to add that what is so important is first finding an emdr therapist who is experienced in trauma and one that you can relate to, if you donít have a good connection with the them , it wonít work you have to be able to trust and believe for it to do so. On the nhs you can get emdr but you only get offered so many sessions and if youíve got cptsd the chances are youíll need loads and time is not on your side..... I had an amazing nhs emdr therapist but got up to 12 sessions at a time, most only get around 8, this isnít even enough to gain your trust, so would def go private if you can afford to, otherwise itís backwards and forwards and waiting list after waiting list, I tried private but didnít pick a great choice so ended up finishing with her, it does work but the importance of  finding the right person to help is top of the list. Iím going to reapply and go back to my nhs therapist but know I have a long journey ahead of me.

General Discussion / Re: Hello, again
« on: January 02, 2020, 07:36:46 PM »
Keep in touch Libby, really good to hear from you again.

General Discussion / Re: Hello, again
« on: December 28, 2019, 06:46:08 PM »
Hi Libby, I did send you a pm a few months ago but not sure you received it. Iím really sorry to hear about everything youíve been through and new about your husbandís brain tumour, strangely I came back on here thinking about you and then saw your message. I hope you manage to get through etc it sounds like youíre making amazing progress and Iím really pleased for you.x

General Discussion / Re: Feeling annoyed/ given up on therapy
« on: December 11, 2019, 09:19:15 PM »
So after having a successful emdr session with the therapist, she then decided she didnít want to do emdr with me anymore and would just do Cbt!!!! Aghhhh after all I told her that I just wanted to pay her for emdr. This is the one thing that gives me the results I need. Cbt doesnít work- ..... so consequently I have told her I wonít be returning and her reply was ok I hope you find someone else who can help you.  A decent Therapist is so hard to find. Iím going to wait until after Xmas and then look again and choose carefully!

General Discussion / Re: Feeling annoyed
« on: November 22, 2019, 09:27:35 PM »
Thank you everyone. I had my first session of emdr with her yesterday. We used buzzers this time, Iíve not used those before. I found them good as was able to close my eyes too and really concentrate which was helpful for me. I went back to a time at Nursery School when I was going through a lot of abuse and looked at my behaviour then, we worked on me not being a child still and the person I had become. ( I feel very much as if Iím still stuck in that childís body and never moved away from that). I found the session helpful and has made me think and re consider some of my feelings so all went well. Thank you all for listening.

Building Protective Factors / Re: How to deal with sadness
« on: November 15, 2019, 08:44:41 PM »
The sadness you mention I believe are to do with emotional flashbacks, Iíve been going through this for the last couple of years. I have days when Iím ok and donít feel anything, but I have days where for whatever reason I just feel so empty inside and start crying for no apparent reason, I can be anywhere doing anything and I feel the tears burning my eyes that I just  start to cry and feel that emptiness. Iíve been doing a lot of work in therapy on this and my therapist says it is emotional flashbacks which is a prime symptom of cptsd and this will just come and go. Iíve said will I ever get over it and she said maybe or maybe not!! Itís all those lost moments we had and the slightest sound, silent thought or smell can set us off. My worst time is when Iím in the car on my own and I just start crying for no apparent reason, it did drive me crazy, but through therapy Iíve learnt to sit with it and just let it be, I let whatever comes up come up and I just cry it out and then move on... itís really frustrating though.

General Discussion / Re: Feeling annoyed
« on: November 15, 2019, 08:32:37 PM »
Hi thank you all for you response, so to update you, I went back to see my therapist, she spent the first ten minutes printing endless cbt sheets off on the computer whilst I sat there fuming, she then handed them to me and I said to her - Iím really frustrated Iíve done all this before, itís the same sheets being printed off that I already have, I feel like I just need to tick boxes to keep you happy but Iím not getting the actual Ďdoing Ď of it as it makes no difference to me.... she sat there for a few minutes and said oh ok, well maybe weíll try some emdr instead, I think we need to clever and go over all your physical, emotional and sexual abuse!!!! I did just sit there very baffled as that was why I thought I was there in the first place.... supposed to Ďnowí being started on emdr on Thursdayó-watch this space....

General Discussion / Re: Feeling annoyed
« on: November 08, 2019, 09:17:06 PM »
Hi, yes it probably is, but because you only get up to 12 sessions at a time itís beyond frustrating as when itís time to be discharged youíre normally just at a place of feeling better, so my idea to go private was to keep going until I was ready to finish. But clearly Iíve been thinking about it a lot tonight and have decided when I see her next wk to tell her that this isnít what Iím seeing her for and not of use to me- in the nicest possible way... just been there seen it done it-18 weeks worth and felt no different after, itís exactly the same process as before too.

General Discussion / Re: Feeling annoyed
« on: November 08, 2019, 06:14:33 PM »
Hey thanks for your reply, having had a lot of emdr sessions she knows Iím familiar with it all, I know my safe place etc, but for her to not even mention it makes me feel like yet again Iím being taken advantage of, this probably isnít the case but is beyond frustration when u think youíve got it altogether again, I have to remind myself I am in fact paying for it this time so my money needs to go on what I need, Iíll have the conversation with her next wk and see what the outcome is, Just hate Cbt - and she knows that so annoyed sheís gone straight to that route... thank you tho.x

General Discussion / Feeling annoyed
« on: November 08, 2019, 04:26:14 PM »
Hey, so Iím back again... my nhs therapy came to an end and I still felt I had a way to go, have managed fairly well without therapy but now at the point where I know I needed to have more. So rather then waiting months to be re referred I found myself a private therapist who specialises in cptsd and does emdr. I spoke to her before my appointment last week and all seemed good, I met with her and she was nice seemed like she knew what she was talking about. Last wk was just the basic info of my timeline, me telling her what works for me and what doesnít it. I said Iíd chosen her because I wanted emdr specifically which she nodded and told me how she operates etc.
I went back this morning expecting to start emdr and instead sheís talked to me Cbt style, given me Cbt homework and told me how I need to find the good in everything I do etc. No mention of emdr. I came out feeling very disappointed the fact being that Iíve had Cbt before and it did nothing for me, Iím already feeling frustrated by her and thinking I donít want to go back and sheís not listening.  My question is do I go back and say what I feel ( which Iím always uncomfortable with) do I just not go back, or do I re apply for therapy on the nhs again and ask to see the therapist thatís helped me for the last few years? Just feeling angry and annoyed- not being listened to again.

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