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It is a year since we parted and I see all that was wrong. I'm doing okay. I'm. Independent and working. I can say my.partners name or that I'm getting divorced without crumbling.  I can see some happiness in my future. I've come far. But..

I'm sad. I'm lonely. I miss arms around me at night, I miss intimacy,  comfort and sharing. I want to be part of a relationship but I still love my.partner and am not through the healing process enough to date.

I'm empty much of the time. When friends are with their partners in front of me I feel this huge hole in my heart. I avoid anything with sentiment on the TV or radio. 

My heart is shutting down my feelings because I'm so small and hurting inside.

Anyssuggestions?

Tea - it does entirely. These are layers,  painful ingrained layers piled on top of you and you can't quite see but I trust you are in there somewhere.  Because when you were a baby, before the trauma,  you were aware of your needs and you cried when they weren't met. It was that unconscious. It's still there. There is work to do but you will get there.

Tea - I hear you. But let me promise you something. You are in there somewhere and you are a valuable,  incredible human being who is precious beyond belief. Realising that you have lost sight of your self is the catalyst to start looking...  you are in there and you are wonderful.

I have seen a therapist and read, and read and grieved for a year but still feel.this deep shame and inadequacy.  I can't shift it.

The personI love, who I committed to and worked hard for, has decided the don't wantme. This has triggered low self esteem and feelingI'm not good enough. I've a full life and great friendsbut feel unattractiveand undesirable. What do I do?

Thank you.  I'm realising it is not about me.  She just doesn't have it to give x

Riverlad- I think you are right. I'm trying to process that the person I gave my heart and ten years of my life to Is unable to love me back. It had triggered so much.

I've had so much to process. I'm quite exhausted emotionally and physically x

http://jamesclear.com/marginal-gains

I thought i would share this article to help you all see how great you are doing. Little steps, tiny tiny steps make a huge difference.  Love to you all xx

All of the above - please find yourself a qualified T and not one who would send you to a person such as this. You deserve appropriate support. I would also report this an and the T who recommended him to the regulatory body so this doesn't happen again.

Welcome!  I have found the incredible people on this forum to be so knowledgeable,  caring and supportive.  I feel sure you will find it an excellent resource. Glad to have you here xx

Poor little bigoted man. I'm sorry you experienced this. It says nothing about you and everything about him.

Thank you all for your love and support. This had been the most challenging and painful year of my life.  The world feels out of control and I feel so small and alone. I'm really grateful for you all x

Thank you xx

Im home alone (always home alone as separated in a town we just moved to where I dont know anyone) and its close to midnight here. I have been dealing with abandonment stuff following partners latest departure. It is hard, so hard. I had a good weekend with friends but as soon as I boarded the train home received a text to say my Mum is back in hospital. I feel terrified that another person I love is going to leave. I am home alone trying to calm myself and all the smoke alarms have decided to start intermittent beeping. So I am trying to change all the batteries, I havent enough. So I have been sat for about 30 minutes crying. Because I am sick of this. Because it is all so hard, because i invested 10 years of my life in supporting someone who now isnt here for me when I need help.

I just wanted to share because I hate that there is no one.

I'd love to be able to say or do something that would release you from this shame because reading this I can see nothing you should be ashamed for and a great deal you should be proud of.  I hope you get support you need through a therapist. You are very much in my thoughts.  Keep posting. We are here for you