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That's pretty unfortunate.  I would say you're right to look at setting some boundaries.  All too often I've found that "friends" are all too eager to dump on me, but when I'm in need, they can't make the effort.  Definitely worth re-evaluating this person as a priority in your life.

I found this in horror movies as a child.  I was 5 years old and watching movies like "John Carpenter's 'The Thing'".  I think, for me, it was like watching those movies made me feel like there was something out there even more horrific than what I was living through - so that it somehow took the edge off what was happening to me in some strange way. 

I've never been an emotional eater until about two years ago when I had my nervous breakdown and started taking a new antidepressant which stimulated my appetite in a monstrous way.  I gained about 10 kgs.  I'm struggling with this recently, too, even more so than normal.  I've found that distracting myself by immersing myself in my drawing/music helps take my mind off the cravings - but I really find the hardest days are those when I'm too down to draw or compose. 

I would say that they can, from my experience.  I exist almost 24/7 in a permanent state of dissociation/depersonalisation and experience EFs daily.

So I've not long ago started EMDR therapy with my psychologist.  I have to say I haven't found it particularly helpful (we only did one session, and I got the impression I wasn't "doing it right" - nothing was happening that she seemed to insinuate would happen).  She hasn't done it with me again which makes me think I've failed at it and she's moving on to something else...

Anyway...

I feel like every time I make some stride forwards, my issues with chronic pain kick in and leave me feeling exhausted.  I have terrible joint issues and had major shoulder surgery in July after being in pain with it for a year.  Since the surgery, aspects of the pain are better - but I'm still having some (recovery?) pain and nerve pain.

When I'm trying to do the mindfulness exercises, for example, at work when the 8,000+ people are crowding in the store - it's almost instantly vaporised by the interruption of pain (whether it's my shoulder or some other joint because I am having issues standing for long periods of time - and my shifts are a minimum of 4 hours standing in place on a hard concrete floor).

Does anyone else with chronic pain have this issue and how did you overcome it??

Thank you all for the feedback!

I'm still struggling with this.  I did the three-day trial and made a few mistakes - so, of course, I'm wringing my hands thinking that the reason I've not heard back from them for a week now is because they've decided I'm rubbish and don't want me anymore. 

I guess I just have to keep telling myself I'll find something else some day. 

I've applied to study online at Uni so I cling to that like my life depends on it - and it kinda does.  You need a qualification in Australia to do just about everything (even a laundry attendant job required a Certificate III in Laundy Services!!!).

Thank you all for the support and feedback.  It's strangely comforting knowing that I'm not alone in feeling this way.

I definitely believe I am an introvert and am just starting to be "okay" with not socialising - the hardest part is my inability to not see myself as a freak when others don't understand why I can't/won't go out.

Saw an ex-co-worker and friend at work who's been messaging me on Facebook to come catch up.  I was honestly gobsmacked and didn't have anything much to say.  All I could think about was that she must hate me because I've been ignoring her messages and not committing to catching up!  I wish I could be like my grandmother.  She never cared what anyone thought about her!

[ringing phone triggers my flashbacks]

I hope someone else can relate to this.  I'm sure they can.

I hate having friends.  I used to feel so conflicted because I wanted to feel some kind of connection with others - to feel liked for who I am, etc.  I would watch others hanging out with their friends and the relationships that they had and would feel jealous of it because I didn't think anyone would ever want to be my friend or voluntarily stay around me.

I avoided people throughout my childhoood and before I dropped out of Uni (I had maybe one or two people I counted as friends, and only associated with them at the communal school locations, etc.).

Then I grew up and spent most of my adult life caring for my grandparents and those were the happiest years of my life.  Just them and me way out in the woods away from anybody.  And then I met my wife and I did something crazy - I left everyone and everything I knew to move across the world to Australia to be with her.

I got my first job in nearly 10 years here.  I started working and something odd happened - people actually LIKED me.  They liked being around me.  I was caught off guard the first time someone invited me to hang out with them.  And that's when the avoidance began...

I get paralysed with fear just thinking about hanging out with them.  For a number of reasons:

• Having to leave the house.  I hate the thought of having to leave my house for anything other than work or shopping.
• It's usually not just them.  They often have their other friends there, too.  People who I don't know or don't know well.  This stimulates my social anxiety and I usually end up not saying much or being magnetised to my friend the whole time.
• Fearing that the more time I spend with these people, the less they'll like me.  Like they'll find out who I "really" am and just how dysfunctional of a person I am.  That the fake me from work is not something that I can sustain for very long and it drains me.

So now...I hate having friends because of these things.  I end up not answering their phone calls, FB messages, etc. and making up some excuse why because I'm too afraid to tell them the truth.  That a ringing phone triggers my flashbacks and I keep it on silent because of this.  That I'm too scared to be put on the spot and asked to go out because I know I'll say "yes" even though I don't want to - I'm a people-pleaser. 

I just feel exhausted having friends.  Then I feel guilty for pushing them away.   I just want my house, my wife and our cats.  Safe things. 

Hi, all.  So I'm not sure what I'm posting this for here, but it's mostly to get it out of my head or I'm going to lose it.  I don't really have anyone to talk to, so...

As you may or may not know, I currently work at a large international home furnishings company with whom I've worked for 5 years now.  It's horrible for triggering me due to a number of factors (massive crowds of 1000+ visitors per day, noise, customers yelling in my face, backstabbing, gossiping, etc.).  I've been trying to get out of this place pretty much since I started and realised that it was affecting my mental health. 

Applying for new jobs is like pulling teeth for me.  Having to gather mental and cognitive faculties to sit down and write a brand new cover letter for each and every role I apply for completely drains me.  Yet, I manage to do it - and up until now, have been rejected for literally HUNDREDS of jobs.  Even the most simple roles, such as meter reader or trolley pusher, I have been rejected for.  This has done nothing for my self-confidence.

Then I got a bite at a local dairy that I really wanted to work for.  I ended up injuring my shoulder at my present job which pretty much killed my chances of getting that role.  I had surgery through WorkCover and am recovering.  Then, out of the blue, I get a call from the dairy again - they have a desk job that they'd like me to come in and do 3 days' trial shifts. 

Now I'm panicking.  Does anyone relate to these feelings?:

• New people - having to "fake" being "normal" and try to cope with my horrific memory (names, job titles, etc.)
• Cognitive/memory issues - blowing the opportunity if I happen to be having a bad week and can't remember tasks or directions
• Messing up this opportunity and never getting another because I'm that dysfunctional.

I hate applying for jobs and yet I must get out of this place I'm in.  Hate having to either be honest or lie when the form asks "do you have a medical condition that may affect your ability to perform the tasks associated with this role?".  I just feel like if I don't get this job, I'm going to break.   

I relate.  Before my diagnosis, my cognitive issues were so severe that I went to my GP convinced that I had early-onset Alzheimer's Disease.  Some days are definitely worse than others.  On days when I am having issues pretty badly, I just shut down and want to go home and stay there.

Wow.  Sorry to hear about your situation.  I hope you and your wife can figure something out together. 

I understand what you're feeling.  We've got a mockingbird couple that shows up each spring to nest right outside my bedroom.  The male (I'm assuming) squawks at us and our cats if we get too close.  I was outside playing with my daughter.  I didn't know it at the time, but one of our cats was in the bushes right under the tree the mockingbirds were in.  They were going nuts squawking.  I wasn't paying too much attention to it.  I suddenly felt myself getting really angry and anxious.  I was having trouble following anything my daughter was saying.  It was like she was speaking another language.  And then the squawking finally made it to the forefront of my attention and I realized that was what was making angry and anxious.  Fortunately, I had the option to go in the house away from the noise, unlike you who are stuck with it.  I can't imagine what it would be like if that mockingbird were in my house raising that kind of racket.   So, I get it.

I'm sorry I haven't got any advice for you.  Have you been able to explain just how upsetting it is and the fact that your response is really out of your control? 

Best of luck.

Thank you for sharing that experience.  I sometimes feel like I'm totally alone in this situation.  As unfortunate as it is, in a way it's good to know at least others understand what it's like.  I've explained before in the context of anxiety and she got upset and didn't really know what to do/say.  Maybe if I re-state my frustration within the context of a flashback she will have a different response.

My rescue dog emits a high-pitched whine that sounds like a bird. It sends me up the wall but my husband is unaffected; he doesn't understand my reaction and I don't understand his!

Here is a great explanation of what happens in the brain when we are triggered- http://www.gostrengths.com/what-is-an-amygdala-hijack/

We're working on training the dog not to whine. He needs to know how to soothe himself, for his own good too. Because he was abused and an adult when we got him, it's slow. But, he is making progress! Best of luck to you with this.

Thank you for the link!  It's interesting understanding the physiological processes behind what seems so much like something that's "just in my head".

I think that's a really good way of looking at.  Recovery certainly is a process and pain is likely going to be a part, if not a large part, of that process. 

I think that sometimes we may feel guilty when we experience pain or look backwards/slip into negative thought patterns again after starting therapy or medication - as though we should be able to simply "flick a switch" (as many people who have not experienced trauma or mental illness seem to think) and be well.  Pain is not something we should bash or even forgive ourselves for experiencing - I certainly believe that it is a normal part of healing.

Hi, all.

I have only just learned what an emotional flashback is and it makes so much sense to me - I'm so happy to finally have a name for what I've always considered to be my "emotional fragility and hypersensitivity".

That being said, I now understand why our pet Lorikeet's screaming can transform me into a trembling, yelling mess of a man. 

My wife brought me home a rescued Rainbow Lorikeet as a companion animal for me some years ago.  All was well back then when I wasn't working.  But when I started working, things changed because I wasn't able to be home with him and therefore he began to look for ways to get attention. 

Unfortunately, shrill screaming is one of those ways.  It drives me insane.  I cannot count the number of times my wife and I have had arguments over this bird.  Bearing in mind that I did not have a diagnosis when my issues with his noise began.  She seemed to think I was just hypersensitive to the sounds he made, but now that I understand what is happening to me when he does this - I suppose I just want her to realise that it's not just me "hating" him or being unreasonable.  It boggles my brain that she and I can be in the same room with him and she's able to sit there reading happily while this bird is literally screaming so loud behind her that I have to shout at her to speak.  Nothing makes him stop unless you cover his cage up (and she won't let me do this as it's "cruel").  I love my wife and she loves me - she is so patient with me and supportive, though.  This is why I feel so torn.  She is a vet nurse and has basically unlimited patience with animals.

I love him, I really do - but it's now been 5+ years since I started work, and I feel like a prisoner in my own home whenever I am home alone with this bird.  No matter how much attention I give him, when I walk away he is screaming to the top of his lungs and then my trembling starts.  I start yelling back at him which only makes him worse - then I feel horrible and guilty because of how I react.  She doesn't want to get rid of the bird, but no solution I suggest will she accept (getting him a companion -> no, he wouldn't like another bird/or/would become too attached to another bird and distance himself from us; build an outdoor aviary -> no, he is an indoor bird and wouldn't survive the weather). 

It really is an impasse.  I am left feeling completely drained after a weekend alone with him and back to work feeling unrested and completely unprepared for the work week.

I have recently tried thinking of why his screaming, other than the fact that it's simply noise, triggers me and I think I may have found an answer.  If anyone is not familiar with what a Rainbow Lorikeet sounds like, they are raucous and grating - and his tone is similar to what may be a raspy female voice yelling (i.e., my mother).   

Has anyone else here experienced a similar situation and how did you resolve it?

I find myself doing the opposite unfortunately.  My first reaction is a paranoid one - "they can't really mean it, they must a) want something or b) have an ulterior motive" - because I think that no one can possibly genuinely like me and must, instead, be looking for a way to win my trust so that they can hurt me somehow.

I'll be your friend, Torey. I spent more than half my life moving up and down the east coast of Oz. Never made it to Adelaide but I have cousins there.

Thanks, Candid.  Hopefully one day you make it to Adelaide.  I live in the Hills, so no noisy city disturbances out here - just fresh air and some neighbourhood cows. 

Welcome Torey      OK, I just have to know how you spoil a duck 

Haha well for our ducks it's lots of fresh greens, plenty of pats (very tame!) and I'm working on putting a new pond in for them in their sanctuary!