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Messages - Piou

#1
Seems full of beneficial info. Thank you :)
#2
General Discussion / Re: Inability to Focus
November 16, 2017, 01:14:38 AM
I get this too, though I'm not doing any trauma work atm. It seems to get worse aroung my periods too. 
#3
General Discussion / Re: Not making the connection
November 16, 2017, 01:03:57 AM
I relate too. I always feel that way, weird and different and like others are going to exclude/try to hurt me sooner or later, so I remove myself from situations/groups without even attempting to connect.
#4
AD - Emotional Dysregulation / Re: Emotional numbness
November 16, 2017, 12:56:41 AM
I relate too; I've been numb most of my life actually. And can't bring myself to care enough/have no energy to fake emotions (unless I'm with people I care about). Though,sometimes, I try and do as Resca said and it works to some degree. I might have tried to do something along the lines of your grounding technique too at times.
#5
Sexual Abuse / in a lot of pain before periods
October 16, 2017, 04:24:22 PM
Hi,

I came to the conclusion that I may have been sexually abused as a child. A lot of signs point to it (physical sensations, depression, a lot of stuff really).

I find that when I'm about to get my period, ever since I've been having them, I am in a lot of pain, I cry a a lot, just a very very painful experience and would like to know if there could be a link? Also, I get insomnia pretty bad, hear voices and am super paranoid (feel like people are watching me all the time, that apartment neighbors can hear/see me through the wall, etc.).

I just wanna cry right now.

Thanks in advance for the responses.
#6
Emotional Abuse / Re: 'Mother Taboo'
October 14, 2017, 06:58:37 PM
I think I've experienced this too. I always felt like something was wrong despite my mother's effort to make everything (including me and siblings) look perfect, nice, tidy. I can't tell if it was out of narcissim that she did all that she did but at times, my sister (who is the only person I can count on really) wil tell me that she doesn't think our mom loves us and it makes me very, very sad. Like, my life is a lie. Plus, getting bombarded everyday with messages that tell you that a mother always loves her children and images of ''perfect'' families makes you feel all the more invisible and like what you're experiencing can't possibly be true.
#7
Emotional Abuse / Re: Peer Harassment and Bullying
October 14, 2017, 06:34:13 PM
I've been bullied too, by family members at that, so while my story is somewhat different from yours, I can still relate to the loneliness and not feeling welcome even when people are actually nice to you.  I  also shielded myself with a friend who was louder than me and was so desperate for company that even when she would get abusive, I'd still come back to her.

It makes so angry that people can do these things in front of supposed authority figures and they do nothing. This society is a joke and, as you said, justice doesn't seem to be that important to many, it's all about being liked by and pleasing those who have the most influence.

#8
NSC - Negative Self-Concept / Re: Rejection and Pity
September 30, 2017, 07:40:20 PM
Good insights hurtbeat!

I struggle with this so much
#9
You're not alone in this.

I have trouble with this too, like I'm so scared of making mistakes/"failing" in front of others (which is one of the reasons why I isolate so much). Some of my relatives would point out any of my shortcomings out loud to humiliate me and this made me feel like I had  to be perfect, never fail, never make mistakes. I realize this now and hope I can work on it somehow because it's very limiting in a way, like if I know I'm not that good at something or don't know that much about something, I won't even try to do it if I know it'll involve other people.

So yeah, you're far from crazy if you ask me. I'm sure there are many people who struggle with this too.
#10
Friends / Re: cannot make friends
September 27, 2017, 09:41:56 PM
Yeah, I get you.

As a child, I felt so self-conscious about this too. Now, as Libby said, I try not to put so much pressure on myself, not to force it because then I'll  be the one who suffers (pretending is tiring I have learned).
#11
Friends / Re: Pushing People Away
September 27, 2017, 09:38:40 PM
I second what goblinchild is mentioning. I also came to the conclusion that I deep down believe that people will not accept me as I am, that they'll push me away if I show who I really am ( my true feelings, emotions, desires, etc) and so I avoid others. I was chronically and systematically victimized, made to feel like a ''loser'' for just opening my mouth. Understandably, I felt like I had to become someone else to protect myself.

I don't know if you can relate to this to some degree but I understand exactly what you are referring to. The act got too tiring for me too so I just let the friendships fade away.
#12
Neglect/Abandonment / Re: Bigger picture still eluding me
September 25, 2017, 03:47:20 PM
I know I say this a lot but reading some of you guys posts makes me realize just how much of what i struggle with today is due to this high stress, zero guidance, lonely, alienating childhood.

I empathize with you so much.
#13
Symptoms - Other / Re: Lacking Common Knowledge
September 23, 2017, 09:27:57 PM
Yes, I can definitely relate, especially to what you said Lilfae about social situations. I'm a also very ignorant in that aspect.
#14
Symptoms - Other / Re: False memories?
September 23, 2017, 09:18:57 PM
Yes, sometimes I remember things that I'm not even sure happened but the memory  just seems so...I don't know... realistic? Real? Like it could totally have happened.

As others have mentioned, it could also be a case of  "false memories".
#15
Lim,

Your description is so accurate! Wow.
These are exactly my thought processes whenever I have to leave the house, go to school, etc.