Menu

Show posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

Show posts Menu

Messages - Quiet

#1
I definitely freeze.  I'm very uncomfortable having emotions, with the exception of happiness, which inconveniences no-one.  Just about anything else, and I'm a mess.
#2
I'm fairly sure this is also me.  I do not remember any specific incidents, but I have put together that MOO was away for about a week for a medical procedure before I was of an age to have memories.  She said that after she got back I was clingy and inconsolable.  I suspect FOO was verbally abusive / negligent during that time.  I cannot remember a time when I was not anxious and afraid of him.
#3
Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: Journaling
October 12, 2017, 02:17:26 AM
Interesting.  Thank you very much - I need to go learn how these things work.  :)
#4
Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: Journaling
October 09, 2017, 03:39:07 AM
I'm sorry.  I didn't really give enough information.  Art is very difficult for me - I hate working with my uncooperative hands.  And I'm starting to wonder if there's a trigger, there, for me, going back to an incident in my FOO when I was very young.

I'm good at hiking and walking, though.  Maybe more time in nature is in order.
#5
RE - Re-experiencing Trauma / Re: EF
October 09, 2017, 03:17:28 AM
Sorry to hear you had such a long EF.  Glad to hear you're feeling better!
#6
Frustrated? Set Backs? / Journaling
October 08, 2017, 04:05:15 AM
So, I reaally have trouble with journaling.  I feel really self-conscious about everything I write, if I manage to write anything useful at all.  Mostly when I try to write about my feelings I want to rip up the page and throw it around before I even start.

I know the self-consciousness comes from the inner critic, who has a very loud voice.  But I really don't know how to work around this. 

As you can guess, I have a lot of anger, and 95% is directed at myself.  Does anyone have alternative techniques, other than journaling?
#7
Other / Re: Joy of Coding
October 04, 2017, 02:26:05 AM
Good test case!  Maybe we should approach all our lives by finding better test cases.  :bigwink:
#8
General Discussion / Re: MBTI "poll"
October 03, 2017, 08:04:19 PM
And I'll start it off.  I'm an INTP, and I freeze/dissociate.
#9
General Discussion / MBTI "poll"
October 03, 2017, 08:01:31 PM
I was going to make this a poll, but it's too complicated for that.

I really like https://personalityhacker.com/ for their test, and also for the fact that they look past MBTI to the cognitive functions Jung described, which are the basis of MBTI.  They use the car model to describe these functions, which makes it a lot easier to understand.

I read somewhere (can't find references, sorry, these ages might be off) that everyone starts out as an extrovert or and introvert from the day they're born.
When you are about 3 you "choose" whether to be an J (act now, see what happens) or a P (watch first, then determine a course of action) person.
When you're about 7 you start to "choose" whether or not you'll be an S (sensor) or an N (intuitive). 
When you're a teenager, you "choose" to be a F (feeler) or a T (thinker).

But until you're a teenager, you're mostly working on developing your driver function, which will be introverted or extroverted.  This is tough without seeing it.  The car model chart really helps me visualize it.

I have to say, also, that when someone has experienced trauma, they rely on different parts of themselves to get them through.  I've heard it's hard to type someone with trauma in their background.  Don't worry about if you know you're correct type.  It's just as handy to know what type came forward to help you cope.

So, here's where I'm going with this.  I was wondering, first, if we have a clustering of people in certain personality types, because a large portion of use had trauma in our childhood that surely would have directed or even derailed the development of cognitive functions.  If you have "fragmented" or if you have multiple inner children, tell us about any you're comfortable disclosing.

I'm also really curious, if anyone feels comfortable stating, what your your "F" type (Flight, Fight, Freeze, Fawn).  I suspect that we might see that certain personality types might tend towards certain F types.
#10
Other / Re: Joy of Coding
October 03, 2017, 07:20:37 PM
Quote from: hank on October 03, 2017, 06:44:16 PM
In code the solution is to build test cases and then change the code until the test passes. Is there some sort of corollary with our psych damage, perhaps? Build test cases.

The thought of making test cases for my psyche made me laugh.  I can almost imagine what that would look like.  Now all of a sudden freezing turned into a buggy robot that powers down when a glitch is encountered.  Is that a healthier way of looking at it, or is it dissociative?  Or is it both?

Anyway, thank you so much for the laugh.  :))
#11
General Discussion / Re: Vitamin D
October 03, 2017, 05:31:58 PM
I take vitamin D every other day (I started out on a daily dose).

My miracle worker is melatonin.  I take 2mg most nights.  Without it, I can sleep for days, and never feel rested (I suspect failure to enter REM).  DW also takes it, too.  She has lots of trouble falling asleep and waking up often throughout the night.  She had to start on 0.5mg and work her way up to 2mg, or it gave her headaches in the morning.

Magnesium deficiency can cause anxiety.  None of us need extra anxiety.
#12
General Discussion / Re: Unconditional Love
October 03, 2017, 05:12:35 PM
I feel very uncomfortable receiving love.  Sometimes I feel a deep well of rage when someone expresses love or deep feelings of affection.  Maybe it's because I don't like others to include me in their life, or maybe that's just anger at someone for making me feel emotions.

DW told me once that I was being selfish by expressing love, but not allowing her to express it back.  I'd never thought of it that way before, and I try harder to accept, but it's still very hard.
#13
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: I'm newly joined
October 03, 2017, 01:34:02 PM
Welcome, hank!  I'm glad you're here, and sorry you had the unfortunate circumstances that led you to need to be here.  I'm sorry that no one seems to care.  I, too, feel very much dead inside some days.  Joy does not come easy to me, and when it does, it's fleeting or "restrained."

I wanted to you tell you that you write amazing code!  I'm not a great Java programmer, but I am also a programmer and database person, and I know talent when I see it.  I've created a thread under Creative Expressions -> Other called Joy of Coding.  Please keep us up to date on your project!  :cheer:
#14
Other / Joy of Coding
October 03, 2017, 01:32:02 PM
I started this thread for hank, but I feel like there are more of us.  Writing code is one of my pleasures in life.  When I focus, everything else goes away, and I can get things done!  It's an art, and we should celebrate it!  Please share your programming achievements, issues, and thoughts.

I'll start off by saying that I've been asked to create a very simple website for someone.  Looking forward to it, even though it will not take much time.  :)
#15
Symptoms - Other / Re: False memories?
September 23, 2017, 03:10:03 AM
I'm fairly sure the first memory never happened.  But I sure do remember a lot of details.

The second one, I think it did, but it's possible it didn't.  Unfortunately, all my medical records were lost when I was transferred to an adult doctor.  I wouldn't know which hospital to look to for  original records.  My wife remembers me talking about having pneumonia when we were in elementary school, but that doesn't mean it for sure happened.

The third memory, for sure, happened.  Well, except for the most reassuring part.

What I really wonder, now that I've noticed the common thread, is if I was trying to reassure myself that my parents would take care of me if something really awful happened.