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Messages - LearnToLoveTheRide

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Therapy / Re: What happens when you outgrow therapy but you're still not ok?
« on: September 02, 2019, 08:27:59 AM »
For me, the overt, symptomatic effects of my CPTSD have been with me with for me for a decade. In that time, it's only natural that I have outgrown therapists and therapy modalities. That's not to say - at all - that they weren't worth it at the time. I was quite fortunate to get very good, at very appropriate times.

But, we change, our needs change, and our suffering changes. We grow out of one therapy modality or therapist into another. I have at least. I adapt. I still have all the tools, skills and techniques that I've learnt over the years. And, more importantly, I have a lot of experience dealing - or managing - my disorder.

We grow: sure. But we grow better; we grow stronger; we grow wiser.

My CPTSD developed in adulthood, over 8 years. I know - more or less - what, where, why and how everything went down. But, I still struggle to understand exactly when it became a problem for me; when it developed into CPTSD.

When I try and explain it to people they generally become quite agitated and have a lot of 'ádvice' to offer me. I usually just say that I have CPTSD and leave it at that.

General Discussion / Re: Empathy and revenge
« on: August 03, 2019, 07:44:11 AM »
Hi Slim

Empathizing with yourself is learning to understand and accept your own emotions. The human condition is an emotional condition - it is an integral aspect of being human. To accept and understand all your emotions is to develop empathy for yourself.

The need for revenge is a natural emotion. Understanding it and accepting it will assist you in healing yourself. Acting on feelings of revenge very seldom bring true healing.

Take care... LTLTR

General Discussion / Surrounded and Alone!
« on: August 03, 2019, 07:20:44 AM »
I am desperately lonely...

Ryder and Kai hug me good morning and then swirl under my feet and around my legs as I make them caramel and toffee porridge in the kitchen. They eat it faster than it took me to make it.

Zee sits out on the porch with his tea trying to recover from another late night of teen texting. He has friends all around the world - a true 24/7 community that he's happy with and fits into well.

The house is clean - as always - and well stocked. We moved in a couple of days ago so there are a few boxes that could still do with unpacking. But, it's nothing urgent.

I smile and hold my children whenever I can. I tickle them until they're in hysterics. I make sure they get sunlight and plenty to eat. I settle them down at night, and lay with the little one until he is asleep.

We have everything we need. Except I don't!

We're not running from anything anymore. We're safe. Except I'm not!

There is an unfathomable void inside me. Everything just disappears into it...


Hi Johnram

CBTi has been deemed as a first line treatment by the American College of Physicians due to clinical trials consistently showing it to be an effective treatment for insomnia. I personally know a patient that used it effectively to deal with her insomnia. It took 4 weeks to get her insomnia sorted out.

But since I have young children in the house, I can't just get up in the middle of the night and wander around.

Instead, I use a combination of over-the-counter self-medication and meditation. When I'm laying awake in the early hours of the morning, I use it as a time to relax and observe my inner thoughts and dialogue. Instead of worrying about the insomnia, I use it as a time to be alone, warm and comfortable.

Thank you kindly... LTLTR

Addiction/Self-Medicating / Re: CPTSD and addiction
« on: April 22, 2019, 12:09:38 PM »

I was an addict and alcoholic for most of my teen years. I sobered up and cleaned up 26 years ago but circa December 2017, during a very difficult period in my recovery from C-PTSD, I started to feel at risk of using again. I joined a local NA group and found it very beneficial. I stayed clean.

Stay safe...LTLTR


I have a number of small personal, domestic and professional tasks that I use to maintain my sense of 'doing well'.

What other people think of as chores and put off for as long as possible, like doing the dishes, I use to ensure that I am keeping myself well and mentally healthy. I can pick up a 'chore', and execute on it until completion. I feel a sense of achievement and nurturing knowing that I am looking after myself.

Take care...LTLTR

General Discussion / Re: leaving the work force - ?
« on: April 22, 2019, 08:51:10 AM »
Hi Saylor

I also left the workforce prematurely: circa August 2017. I gave overnight notice but it was a tough decision and I'd wrestled with it for a long time. But, after two C-PTSD related visits to the ER, I simply had to accept that I was ill.

I am now opening a teaching studio and working on inner healing. I do what I need to.

Whatever your decision, be well... LTLTR

Hi Johnram

Yes, I exercise. I started Chinese Kung Fu about 28 years ago and just forgot to stop. :stars:

Seriously though, some years have been better than others. I was in a very bad space a few years ago. I was having regular, debilitating panic attacks. I exercised myself out of that period. I started with short walks, then longer walks. After that I started my stretching routine again at the gym, and moved onto 20 - 40 minutes of Tai Chi. After about 4 months, I was able to resume the more strenuous Shaolin forms. As I grew stronger, my panic attacks decreased.

I left the corporate business environment in 2017 as a result of my C-PTSD. I am currently in the process of opening a Kung Fu training studio again. But, I have to be careful not to overdo it. I keep a check on the hours that I train (teach), I watch my diet. Insomnia is currently my biggest hurdle to returning to full health: missing out on a night's sleep really effects my state of mind and mental health.

Take care...LTLTR

General Discussion / Re: Near DeathExperiences
« on: April 20, 2019, 07:46:49 AM »
Hi Slim

I personally have never experienced abuse or trauma to that degree but I do know of an individual that experienced abuse as an Out of Body Experience (OBE). That was her coping mechanism for that specific abuse.

Stay safe... LTLTR


Exercise physiology is so complex and integrated into almost every aspect of the body's functioning that it's very difficult to pinpoint any one specific cause and effect. It's widely accepted though that exercise improves many of the symptoms associated with many mental disorders.

But moderation is important. Exercise does stress the body; the same systems that you're trying to repair and bring back into balance.

Happy training... LTLTR

Other / Re: I Ching
« on: April 17, 2019, 10:54:55 AM »
Hi Oscen

I really enjoy the I Ching. But, I also do not use it as a divination tool, rather as a mindfulness tool. If I'm feeling anxious about something I do an I Ching reading and it generally helps me focus on the issue at hand and invariably provides me with options I probably wouldn't have thought about.

Take care... LTLTR

General Discussion / Re: A life stolen – What’s love?
« on: April 08, 2019, 04:20:56 PM »
Hi Regret. Glad you found a place to share... it makes it better, really.

My adult onset cPTSD robbed me of my emotions. I didn't even realise it until I was recently hospitalized. Psych evaluation diagnosed me with Schizoid Personality Disorder: emotionally aloof, unavailable. I watched myself having an argument with my partner last night and I didn't feel a thing. I didn't even get angry enough to defend myself.

I kept thinking to myself: I should be feeling something right now. But, I wasn't. I simply didn't feel anything. I'm not even sure yet what to do about it.

Be safe...LTLTR

Introductory Post / Re: Newbie intro
« on: April 06, 2019, 01:42:31 PM »
Welcome Marion from the Netherlands.

It's great to hear that you have the right diagnosis and a good therapist, even if it took you so long to get it.

There are plenty of friendly and well-educated users on the forum. It's wonderful to get their engagement.

Take care... LTLTR

Workplace Bullying/Harassment/Abuse / Re: Confusing stories
« on: April 06, 2019, 11:33:31 AM »
"Don't Let Behavior of Others Destroy Your Inner Peace” – Dalai Lama.

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