Messages

Belated Happy Birthday wishes Larry!   

Hi everyone,
Thank you so much for what you each wrote      I really REALLY appreciated seeing your kind words - it's helped me a LOT in the past few days.  I have felt like it's an oasis of peace here, to come back and read things - and it's helped me to feel that I can get through the things I've needed to tackle in these days. 

I'm not through it yet - another few days to go, but I am so grateful that I can come here and gain things from doing so. 

Hope to be able to write more next week - when everything might feel a bit calmer.

Hope 

Hi NarcKiddo, Thank you so much 

Hi Dollyvee,  I think you're right in your interpretation.  Definitely!  Thanks for the hug, and I'm happy to be feeling some positive feelings more often now, than before.   

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7th April 2024
I have some stressful things coming up in the next couple of weeks - I'm not sure how it's going to go.  I might not be able to be in the forum much during those two weeks, but I am reluctant to say I won't be around - as I might be!  I had been wondering whether to open up and ask for advice/support with the things that I'm anticipating - but in the end, I couldn't think of exactly what I wanted to say - and therefore I've not managed to do that.  This may or may not be a good thing - maybe I'll cope better than I think I will.  I hope so.  If I can get opportunity to come here and write something that might convey some of the issues, then that's good, but if not, that's ok too.

The main thing is that I know that this forum, and everyone here is, are here and that you care.  I feel that.  That helps in itself.  It really does.

What I do hope to do, is after the anticipated difficult events are over, that I might be able to reflect in here, and mention some things about it - that I will then be able to remember and learn from. 

Anyway, I'll be around after two weeks, if not before.  Sending hugs to you all 

Hope 

Hi Armee, Thank you - I appreciated what you shared concerning things that you and your H say in these circumstances.   

Hi Dollyvee, Thanks for sharing your interpretation - it's a helpful one!  The interesting thing for me also was that in the dream, my H wasn't able to talk to a member of his own FOO - whereas I would have assumed that he would have wanted to - so that was also an interesting thing - maybe I assume that people's families are happier and more together than they actually are.  Sending you a hug too Dollyvee - thank you 

Hi NarcKiddo - Yes!  I got through it - and out the other side.  It was actually better than I thought it would be.   

Hi Little2Nothing - thank you so much for sharing your empathy.  I appreciate it.  I hope that you found the holidays to be better than you anticipated.  I found that it was better for me in the end - although negotiating my way was a bit challenging.

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3rd April 2024
I feel quite positive about things today. 
Hope 

Hi Blueberry,
I'm glad you wrote this in this older thread, I found it really helpful to read.  I relate to the horrible effects of such punishment and the blending with CSA as well - I suffered such a blending too.

I really liked how your grandmother was able to repair things in the way she did, in relation to the other incident you mentioned of when you'd said something rude (in her eyes).

Hope 

Hi NarcKiddo, Thank you - I definitely hope all our buses are filled with the right passengers 

Hi Armee, Thank you - I am glad too. 

Sending hugs to you both, NarcKiddo and Armee   

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30th March 2024
I find Easter weekend more stressful.  For so many reasons.  BUT, I'm coping reasonably ok, and managing to do some nice things today - I'm trying not to resort to comfort eating to manage the emotional side of Easter weekend - I think I'm doing ok. 

So far, so good.

My partner told me I've been shouting out in my sleep more this past couple of days - apparently last night I was saying 'What are you doing?  What are you doing?' (with a distressed tone to the voice).  He had replied to me 'I'm not doing anything, I was sleeping' (until I woke him up by shouting out of course!)  He told me that it's 'better than it used to be' in that I don't jump out of bed now - I stay in bed, and seem to calm again.  So that's good.  I didn't have any memory of that happening though.  Sometimes I am aware of night terrors, and can remember them, but not last night.  I had no memory of it at all.

My dreams in recent weeks have been far more realistic.  I've been alongside people in a potentially work-like scenario.  I've also had a couple of dreams where I was in a stately home (with a heavy Gothic vibe) and there were various family members around - and I discovered that my partner wasn't keen to be left alone with any of them, which fascinated me, as I thought it was more 'me' that was the one who was traumatised by contact with FOO, not him.  But I think the dream was telling me that maybe a lot of people (traumatised or not) can find it challenging to be alone to talk to relatives etc.  I felt 'less alone' with it, realising that.

My partner did say today 'Does Easter affect you?'  I said 'Yes, but I'm handling it better than in previous years' - he responded that quite a lot of the year seems to affect me.  I tried to say that I felt I was better than I'd been in previous years - he acknowledged that I have - but I think maybe he'd like me to be 'over it' by now.  I realise this might not be what he was saying - I could be taking it negatively.  Anyway, I'm doing ok.  I'm having quite a reasonable day - and it's only half-way through the Easter long weekend - I hope it will be ok.

Hope 

Hi Sage,
I am really happy to hear you've been approved regarding the disability.    I also wish you good luck with your paper work.
 
Hope 

1) I enjoyed a hot cross bun with a cup of coffee today.  It was delicious.
2) I enjoyed a walk with my partner.  The sun was shining.
3) I put some scented cream on my feet and gave myself a little foot massage, it was very relaxing.

Hi NarcKiddo,
I am glad that you have been able to discover that medical issue in time for it to be treated - that is a big thing.  Sending you a caring hug, if that's ok 

Hope 

Hi Woodsgnome - thank you so much.      I love that you wrote about 'unrolling the map towards a future filled with healing' - that sounds ideal. 

Woodsgnome, while I was re-reading one of my older journals, I noted down something that you wrote in it - so I want to mention it again now, as you've popped by my journal - you wrote "While you're supposed to move on to the present, it seems a lot of issues in the present can only be understood and solved by understanding your past.  But there is also a point where understanding your past doesn't give insights as much anymore and become ways to hurt you.  So ask yourself - Is it giving more insights or is it just hurting you?"  (I found that incredibly useful and insightful, and wanted to thank you for saying that). 

Woodsgnome, there was also something else you wrote (recently I think, but I can't remember where) and you mentioned how you'd viewed your past family relationships as being like taking a journey on a bus with them, and therefore your journey now is one that you take without them there, and the journey is different - I realise I've not used the words you used there, but I really found it helpful to consider that in terms of my own journey - i.e.  yes, I had a journey with FOO in the past, but now they are definitely not on my bus anymore, and I'm driving it somewhere else, and having a new journey. 

Hi Papa Coco - thank you so much     It was good to have some energy to accomplish some things. 

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26th March 2024
I thought I could write more now, but it seems I can't right at this moment.  But that's ok.  I will be able to write more soon - I'll wait till the moment feels right.  Then write!
Hope 

Dear Blueberry,
I am very glad to hear that you have realised, caught yourself, and took steps to not collapse.  That is brilliant!    You've averted it.  That's really great 

Enjoying being able to celebrate that alongside you!    
Hope 

Hi Shankara,
I agree with PapaCoco - I don't think you've written too much.  In our recovery journals, there isn't a limit (as far as I know) on how much we write - whatever feels best to you is ok (in my opinion).

I was interested to see you attended a Cryocenter and that the cold helps you to stay centered. 

I have to dash off now as I have a cake coming out of the oven, but wanted to send you a hug, if that's ok 
Hope 

Hi Alliematt,
I know you've got a lot of stressful things at the moment - but I'm glad that so far your husband's job is ok.  Finger's crossed that it will be ok. 

Sending you a hug, if that's ok 
Hope 

Hi Eireanne,
I wanted to send you a hug  - I read what you wrote in the red font, your experiences, and I felt some feelings of upset over the things you've experienced.  Those suggestions written in black ink - they were 'absolutes' (great term that SanMagic said), and most likely difficult to achieve in real life.

Anyway, I also send you love and hugs 
Hope 

Dear Sage,
Your group sounds very supportive and caring.  I am glad you have them in your life. 

Your crocheting sounds really creative and colourful.  I hope to find where you've posted about it - and have a look.  I used to do a little bit of crocheting when I was a child, but haven't done any for years.

Anyway, I hope that your letter that you're waiting for will come sooner rather than later.  It is so frustrating to be waiting for it, and I hope it will come soon.

Hope