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Messages - Hope67

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1
Inner Child Work / Re: How to journal - to honour and befriend my parts
« on: October 19, 2020, 03:44:11 PM »
Hi Marta,
I noticed that you mentioned the typo last night, so I didn't look up the therapy name.   :)

Hi OceanStar,
Thank you for sharing your experience - it is definitely useful, so thank you.  I particularly appreciated the lack of identifying names, that's a good thing to consider.  I was very interested to hear how you can see differences in your hand-writing and therefore are able to identify different parts from that.  Having the flexibility to approach your book from different angles - upside down, and at the back - I think that's really interesting.

I am glad to hear that your feelings of vulnerability have lessened over time.  I am hoping that this will be the same for me.

I will hope to keep you updated on how I get on, as I do want to share that.  I find it so helpful to read other people's experiences, and I also want to share mine as well.  Thank you for your reply, it's been very helpful and useful. 

Hope  :)

2
Inner Child Work / Re: How to journal - to honour and befriend my parts
« on: October 18, 2020, 06:37:59 PM »
Hi Marta,
Thanks for sharing your experience of journalling - I really like the idea of having 2 journals and having them in different places, and using the one closest to hand - that really sounds good to me. 

It was interesting that you thought I was 'further' than you in a process - I thought - no, I don't think I am!!!  I often feel like I'm stalling and fumbling about - not necessarily knowing what I'm doing, or how I'm progressing.  So it was interesting to hear you say that.  I've not heard of the Munich therapy process - I think I'll look that up.

I think it's great that you have been able to use your journalling to 'dissect and use writing as a way for your parts to speak' - and you mentioning that some of your parts are against speaking or writing, that definitely matches my experience - I've felt resistance about it.  I remember doing it in some places in the forum, but it felt like a while ago, and sometimes when I read back things I've written, I am amazed by what I've actually written.

I'm sorry for responding with such a lengthy reply - I feel like I have LOTS of words in me today - like they are tumbling out.

I appreciate your reply and your thoughts and experiences.  Thank you.   :hug:

Hope  :)

3
Recovery Journals / Re: Hope's Journal: Still Befriending My Parts.
« on: October 18, 2020, 12:51:09 PM »
Thank you Blueberry  :hug: :hug:

****
18th October 2020
I managed to put a query in the part of the forum called Inner Children, and I feel glad to have done that.  It is about wondering how people are journalling to enable communications from inner children, i.e. on paper.

I'm getting towards the end of the third Cathy Glass book, and I already fear the fact it's an 'ending' - I really get triggered by endings or goodbyes, but I know that I am managing to process some of the reasons for that now, and therefore I'm not 'as bad' as I was previously regarding handling endings.

I've found it so therapeutic to read some of Cathy Glass's book each day, as I've imagined that me and my inner children are all there, and Cathy's writing includes details that really engage parts of myself who are at various different ages - and I feel their reactions as the book is read and processed, and it's been really helpful.  I've been reminded of so many things in my past life, and it's been really helpful to hear Cathy's perspective on things (she's a foster carer) and also her experience of professionals like Social workers, teachers etc.  Also she writes of the experiences of the fostered children, and the things they've experienced in their lives, and that helps all my younger parts to understand some things better.  Once I've read it all through, I might come back to bits I've underlined - I bought the book, and I've written in it - as I want to keep it and re-read some bits.

Hope  :)

4
Inner Child Work / How to journal - to honour and befriend my parts
« on: October 18, 2020, 12:44:17 PM »
Hi everyone,
In addition to the Journal I keep here in this forum, I also want to also start journalling on paper - and hoping to do so for the benefit of enabling my different parts to communicate.  So I wanted to ask if anyone could share their thoughts/experiences with regard to this.

I am wondering whether to just have a flowing diary where all  parts can write, or whether to have different books for each of them to write in - but I don't want to make it too complicated.

I have got quite a few different books already - none of them have been written in!  Part of the difficulty is wondering about how best to approach it, and I guess different parts are finding it difficult to let me start doing it.  Hence I haven't done it yet.

Any thoughts or reflections from anyone - I'd really like to hear them, as I feel sure it will help me make some decisions on how to proceed.

Thank you
Hope  :)

5
Recovery Journals / Re: Hope's Journal: Still Befriending My Parts.
« on: October 17, 2020, 10:43:02 AM »
17th October 2020
I've been having more dreams at night.  I should write them down, but I haven't, and so I've lost some of the content/themes.  But maybe I've not written about them on purpose - I don't know.

I really want to ask a couple of things in the forum, so I might do that later.  There's resistance amongst my parts about doing that, but I really feel like I want to seek others' thoughts about a couple of things, and so I will hope to write something later. 

Hope  :)

6
Recovery Journals / Re: Tee’s 2nd try journal* trigger warning *
« on: October 17, 2020, 10:40:53 AM »
Glad you got some sleep Tee.   :hug:
Hope  :)

7
Recovery Journals / Re: More Concrete Steps, More Therapy Homework
« on: October 17, 2020, 10:40:19 AM »
Hi Blueberry,
I noticed that in the Potting Shed you'd mentioned that you still have a flowering rose, and there are buds, and you spoke of the lovely scent of that rose, and how you breathed it in.  I wanted to say that I also imagined that it would smell really nice, and I was happy that you had such a nice rose. 

I hope you're able to get the down-time you mentioned. 

 :hug:
Hope  :)

8
Recovery Journals / Re: Further Adventures of Elpha
« on: October 15, 2020, 06:51:05 PM »
Hi Elpha,
Living life is part of the process, that sounds really positive.  Really great that your training is going so well, and I can sense your enthusiasm for it, it is great.   :hug:
Hope  :)

9
Recovery Journals / Re: Not Alone: Reduced Visibility; One Step at a Time
« on: October 15, 2020, 06:49:09 PM »
Hi Notalone,
You have put a lot into the Art Therapy piece that you described with the words and thoughts.  I really hope that you can receive the careful consideration of all those things in your work with your current T, and I also want to send you love and hugs, as you embark on this process that you're describing  :hug:
Hope  :)

10
Recovery Journals / Re: SaB's 2nd journal
« on: October 15, 2020, 06:43:24 PM »
Hi SaB,
I just wanted you to know that I hear what you said, and send you another supportive hug  :hug:
Feelings of abandonment are tough. 
Hope  :)

11
Recovery Journals / Re: Tee’s 2nd try journal* trigger warning *
« on: October 15, 2020, 06:39:45 PM »
Dear Tee,
I hope that you get through your first day of clinicals ok - that sounds like such a lot, and I wanted to send you a supportive hug  :hug:

Well done for turning in that paper.  Especially after struggling with your sleep for so long - I really hope you can get some more sleep.  Another hug  :hug: and wishes that you might sleep better tonight.
Hope  :)

12
Recovery Journals / Re: Hope's Journal: Still Befriending My Parts.
« on: October 15, 2020, 06:37:01 PM »
Hi SanMagic, Notalone and Snowdrop,
Thank you all so much for what you wrote here.   :hug: :hug: :hug:

********
15th October 2020
I've read something in another thread, which was one that Gromit had done about Obsessional fantasties, and a new member had put a link to Limerance, which I'd not heard of before, but I read the information and it was interesting.  What came up for me was that I remembered how I had become quite interested in Elvis Presley when I was a child, and liked to watch his films, and listen to his music, and how I decided that he was an elder brother, in my mind.  I was quite young at the time, I can't work out how old I was - but I know that when he died, I was thrown into a grief. 

It felt like a family member had died.

I just wanted to note this here - because it felt significant.

For some reason that feels quite difficult that I've written about that.  It leaves me feeling some disquiet within myself, as if parts of me aren't happy, but I want to leave it there, as I wanted to remember it and write about it.

I was sorting through my wardrobe today - and I can't find my M's skirt - the one that I had previously kept (for fear of getting rid of it) - but this makes me wonder - where is it?  What did I do with it, and why can't I remember what I did with it...?  But part of me is relieved that it wasn't there anymore. 

In Cathy Glass's book about the fostered children, she is speaking quite a bit about the care and attention that is given to the bedtime routine of one of her fostered children by his M, and it makes me think how lucky that child was to be cared for in that way, and I feel the contrast with my own experiences. 

I'm reading the third book now in the hardback book by Cathy Glass that contains 3 books - they are 'Damaged'; 'The Saddest Girl in the World' and 'The Silent Cry' and I'm onto the third book now.  I've found all of these books really helpful in that my inner children are reading as I do, and taking in the details and thinking back to my own childhood experiences.  Comparing and learning from the contents of the books.  I find it therapeutic - and I find that I feel many emotions as I read it.

I think it's helping me to process things.  I've paused in the courses I was doing with Carolyn (her surname escapes me right now) - I was doing one about 'Shame' but I think it was too challenging for me to keep going - I needed a pause, and so I've taken one.  I will go back to it though.  I want to finish the course and I feel sure I'll learn things, but I think I fear what I might 'feel' - and that feels tough.

I have got a headache today - so I'm going to try to have an early night tonight.

Hope  :)

13
Hi Wisteria777 - I wanted to welcome you, as I see you've posted your first time here.  I read the link you put about Limerence, and it's interesting information.  I also noticed Gromit's post, which I'd not seen before, and it is interesting. 

Reading what people have written here, has also got me thinking and making some links that I'd not made previously. 

Hope  :)

14
Recovery Journals / Re: Hope's Journal: Still Befriending My Parts.
« on: October 12, 2020, 03:13:08 PM »
I've been reading Cathy Glass's book called 'The Saddest Girl in the World' over the past few days, and I am at the point in this book where Cathy is helping her fostered girl (the sad girl) to transition to living with a permanent carer, and the care and kindness with which they handle the transition and all the changes, it is really making me realise just how callous my own FOO were - with their constant moving me around, and never explaining anything.   It really shows me how much they didn't respect my boundaries, my feelings, my thoughts, anything.

I've also remembered that I had some intense feelings of pure anger this morning - I've struggled to feel anger much - about most things, but I really felt an intensity of anger earlier today.  Really intense.

I don't feel it now, but I wanted to remember that it had happened and note it here in my Journal.

I think it was good that some emotions are surfacing, even though they feel intense, I am glad to be feeling them.

Hope  :)

15
Recovery Journals / Re: Hope's Journal: Still Befriending My Parts.
« on: October 12, 2020, 02:46:20 PM »
12th October 2020
Last night, I felt like I was processing more, and getting in touch with different parts of myself.  The strange thing about it was that I felt in my mind as if my body was standing looking in one direction, and the different parts were behind me - so I couldn't see them, but they were enabling me to 'feel' things that they were feeling, and so I was experiencing what seemed to be their feelings.  I got in touch with an extremely distressed and frightened part of myself, and I told that part that I was grateful that they had shown me how distressing they felt, and I wondered if they could share what it was that had upset them and scared them, but I didn't get very far with that. 

This morning, I realised that some of those parts were still blended with me, because something very normal that my partner did, ended up sending me into distress quite quickly, and I was crying, and kept saying 'I don't know why I'm crying' - he comforted me.  I told him I'd been processing things overnight, and that I didn't think I'd unblended, hence ending up so upset.  He was understanding of that. 

As the day has gone by, I have felt a bit better and there was even a moment when I felt like my inner parts settled and felt safer for a few moments, and that felt very good.

I had things I wanted to do today, but I ended up doing different things, and I've told myself that's ok. 

Hope  :)

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