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Messages - stepintothesun

#1
General Discussion / Re: Witholding Validation
February 12, 2019, 10:18:24 PM
Quote from: Kizzie on February 12, 2019, 07:56:49 PM
It sounds like you are out of your parent's home now, going to university and living on your own? 

Perhaps if your T isn't validating/supportive it might be time to find one that is?

Does the university have counseling/support services you can tap into?  If you are not feeling safe enough to come out of your room that's a concern the university needs to help you with.
Thanks for the reply! I am having to move back into my Parents house due to finances and the fact that being on campus terrifies me. I had to fight to be placed with the T I have, my university wanted to put me in a group. I just don't know what to do, and don't have money at this point to see someone outside on University.
#2
General Discussion / Witholding Validation
February 12, 2019, 12:52:34 AM
Backstory: I was mentally and emotionally abused by someone for several months, to the point where I often fear leaving my apartment due to the possibility of seeing him.

I've talked to friends, University Security, my therapist, even my mom, and they all told me I was being irrational and that since he didn't outright abuse me or threaten me, nothing could be done.
A friend of two years told me she didn't want to be involved in our "drama" because she wanted to stay friends with both of us, even though she saw me break down upon seeing him.
Another friend convinced me to talk to Security since I was afraid to leave my room, even for food, and they told me that because he never threatened me, they couldn't do anything.
My therapist stopped me when I told her he "ruined my life" and asked me to think about it logically.
My mom told me to control my emotions more and toughen up.
I've had friends insinuate that I need to "fix" the friendship.

I've gone through so many people telling me I'm irrational, that I should just control my emotions, not let him see that he gets to me, or even worse, still want to be friends with him after he drove me to the point of breakdowns upon seeing anything that reminds me of him.
He's also been finding indirect ways to get back at me, or to try and get back in my life and it's tearing me apart.

It's gotten to the point where part of me is wondering if I am paranoid and oversensitive about the situation, and the other part is furious that my trauma isn't being validated.
#3
General Discussion / Re: Yesterday
June 11, 2018, 10:10:14 PM
Kizzie,
Thanks for your response. I was seeing someone while I was away at school, but not since I've been home. It took them a while to let me see someone in the first place, even when they knew I was SH'ing. I feel like I can't ask because then the questions will start, and I can't see anyone on my own, I don't even know where to start.
#4
Other / Re: The Healing Porch - Part 3
June 11, 2018, 04:09:32 AM
I've had an emotionally draining week and lots of social interaction.
I think I'll sit with my legs across a padded swing, with a light blanket. I brought my Service Dog IT (he's a Dalmatian puppy), and he's curled up on my lap. I love looking at the beach and listening to the waves. I don't think I'm ready for lots of interaction yet, but maybe a few hugs and some quiet company would be nice :)
I love the idea of board games, does anyone want to play Apples to Apples or something similar once I'm feeling a bit better?
#5
General Discussion / Yesterday
June 11, 2018, 03:30:01 AM
SO, I was stuck in a bad EF yesterday. When I have them, loud noises and lots of people can make me break down. My parents insisted we go out, despite my insisting that I needed to go to bed (I worked 70+ hours last week and was wiped). The whole ride there, my brother was playing loud music and telling me I was "too picky" for asking him to turn it down. Completely ignored me. My parents pushed me and pushed me to go into an area with tons of people, where some of them would be watching me. They eventually let me sit outside, where I almost lost it.
We then stopped for ice cream, and instead of doing the drive through, we went in. It was awful. The lights were too bright, everything was too loud, talking and breathing were hard. My parents ignored how I was feeling (like usual) and pushed me to sit with them.
This morning, I asked my mom to stop making digs at my dad (it triggers me really bad) and she laughed it off. My dad however, said he wanted to hear more from me so they can try and make things better (which they've said before ad never followed through with).
I don't think I can keep living with them, especially since my mom gets super upset if we go to our rooms and don't spend time with her 24/7. I have no where else to go, though.
#6
Emotional Abuse / How to Deal (long post)
June 08, 2018, 11:14:28 PM
TW: abusive comments, SH, ED, suicide attempts

This is my first post here, so please just bear with me.

I just wanted feedback/advice. I was away at school this past year, but I've returned to my traumatizing family.
My younger brother has always had severe anger issues and sociopathic tendencies. He used to get so "stressed out" that he would throw things at me, punch my other brother, and verbally abuse me. He was constantly telling me that I wasn't smart, no one liked me. I used to fear for my life and lose sleep because he would threaten me (Major TW: the worst thing he's ever said was that he was going to take my brains out). My family constantly walked on eggshells around him, and I would break down if I heard that he was having a bad day before coming home. My parents were no help, and would often yell at me for trying to fight back when he verbally attacked me. They also wouldn't let me leave the situation, and if i walked away during dinner or during "family time" I would get yelled at. They wouldn't believe me when I told them about my brother, and it wasn't until he attempted suicide that they put him in treatment.

Every time he would upset me, my parents would swear that he's "getting better" and it's "not as bad as it used to be". In addition to him, my parents never listened to me. They would get on me about every little thing, and expect me to be working nonstop even though my mental health is deteriorating. They protect him and let him do whatever he wants.

Flash forward to today. I have been going through ED cycles, severe SH cycles, Depression and Anxiety. I can't keep friend, despite everyone telling me how sweet I am. I've started having panic attacks when people yell and throw things, or when people get overly mad. I work at a minimum wage job, where my coworkers do nothing while I work, making me feel trapped and helpless. I'm breaking down, and my parents are pushing me to stay at the job. I'm also living at home again with my brother, and have spells of intense anger around him, which my parents yell at me for.

My question is how do I deal with living with my family and working for the summer?