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Messages - Ecowarrior888

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1
Introductory Post / Re: Hello and thank you
« on: January 04, 2020, 08:23:11 PM »
Welcome Sunny,

I am so sorry for everything you have endured. But you are a survivor; you have a lot to process. But what is amazing about this site is it is proof we aren't alone. Though everyone has had different experiences; everyone understands your pain and loneliness. That is why I joined this forum, I felt so alone because I felt no one understood the constant triggers and how debilitating they can be. But I wish you the best and wanted you to know you are not alone.

Ecowarrior <3

2
Introductory Post / Re: Introducing myself to everyone
« on: January 04, 2020, 08:19:00 PM »
Welcome bookworm.

You are not alone <3

3
Christmas & New Years / Re: Dealing with Christmas and New Years
« on: December 23, 2019, 07:05:33 AM »
Thank you for this. I feel like my mind is on overload. Constant flashbacks, and im injured now so cant even distract myself with my job. Trying to figure out what to do with my husband on christmas and new years. This year I am at a place where yes, CPTSD symptoms are being loud but also my husband is triggered by his own trauma. Its hard to handle mine and try to help him when he is in denial.  Im so overwhelmed

5
Thank you so much <3 This means a lot to me. That there may be a light at the end of the tunnel.
I have to figure out how to about my holidays still... I've been married for 5 years and it is always a struggle coming up to it. Especially when my family is still toxic and sometimes I just really want to see my Mom and that's it...
But you are right, just celebrate holidays for what it is and I can change up my traditions. Any suggestions would be amazing :) I am hispanic so anything that isn't would be something new for me :)

6
I am tired. I am tired all the time. It is constant warfare in my head. Constantly trying to convince myself that I am not at my dad's house anymore. That my husband is loving, caring and considerate. Our home is safe. Lately though my mind is just reeling. It never stops going in circles. I can't stand being home alone not because I don't want to be. I want to be home but my mind starts getting disoriented and thinking I am in the past again. I work so hard to feel better and to be better. I have therapy once a week, I take my meds every day, I use all my coping mechanisms: yoga, painting, singing, playing guitar or uke, playing video games, watching comedies, going on adventures like Kayaking or birdwatching and swimming. Swimming is the best one for me; it is like it almost resets my brain but lately it isn't as effective as it used to be... it helps for a few hours and then I just plummet again.... And now.... it is almost October. The holiday season is starting and I think my symptoms are just getting started....again.

Does anyone else feel like this?

7
Art / How I am feeling on the inside...
« on: August 17, 2019, 12:15:50 PM »
https://ecowarrior8888.livejournal.com/14440.html

Not finished yet. There is more to this piece but for how it looks like now... It actually emphasizes how I feel right now.

No glasses...I feel like I can't see clearly and everything is fuzzy.
Disheveled...Tired and beat up from all the abuse, the bullying, the harassment...
The books...To distract myself, to feel better, to document.....

Trying to figure out how to cope at work right now. So triggering :(

8
Art / Re: Coping
« on: August 17, 2019, 03:22:33 AM »
Thank you so much everyone <3 Been feeling insecure about my art lately. Been feeling blocked :'(

9
Thank you everyone for your advice. I will take note of it and try my hardest. But yeah I've been so triggered, I don't know how to cope while I am over there. Thankfully my team is backing me up but its' just so much drama :( Trying to lay low.  And if I am fighting any battles, its' just for me or for the welfare of the animals.

10
I am being bullied...They are claiming I am 50% of the problem within my team's dynamic. That I am affecting others' working relationship with their supervisors and affecting their work environment. When I know this is not the case. All of my coworkers are feeling the same oppression and frustrations that I am. I know because I help calm them down. But somehow I am the cause of all this when I am the one with the least amount of power (in title) within the team. What do I do? I don't want to leave my team, I love the animals I work to care for. I don't want to leave my workplace because if I do, this means I would have to leave my home and move away. My family is here. My dying "Magnolia" is here. My husband is here (he would move with me but I don't want to uproot him). My friends are here. My industry is small. Do you guys have any advice?

I have declared harassment. I have joined the Union. I am trying to lay low, but they keep going after me. This is all so triggering....
Help? :(

11
Art / Coping
« on: August 16, 2019, 02:41:52 PM »
Panic Attacks with my furbaby Zelda, she helps bring me back....
And going on adventures to see burrowing owls in the wild <3

https://ecowarrior8888.livejournal.com/14332.html

12
Ideas/Tools for Recovery / Re: Trying to read
« on: August 09, 2019, 12:44:52 PM »
Go at your own pace. Those books talk about what you may be going through which could definitely be triggering.

To be honest, ive been wanting to purchase my body keeps score but i cant even get myself to walk around with that book or open it in the cafe and skim through it.

Do you recommend this book? i have pretty severe symptoms from my understanding:panic attacks, dissociation, flashbacks, etc.
Is it helpful to read?

13
Checking Out / Re: Leaving, for a while at least
« on: August 09, 2019, 12:31:05 PM »
I completely understand your thought process. I didnt feel safe also. I feel like I cant express everyhing and I wish I could be of better support to others. It is amazing that you recognized that you need to take a step back. Keep writing for you though. I hope you feel better soon bluepalm. I appreciate you <3 Take care of youraekf and I wish you the best.

14
Art / It has been a while...
« on: August 08, 2019, 02:48:46 PM »
A lot has happened. Still being harrassed at work, my Magnolia is still in hospice, my husband broke his arm to the point where it required surgery, I have had panic attacks 3 days in a row.... I am surviving. I don't feel safe to write anymore... or to draw. I know I need professional help, and I have it: I have therapy once a week and I am on meds. I am trying.

Well, here are 2 rough sketches from this week:

https://ecowarrior8888.livejournal.com/12533.html

15
Art / Re: Overwhelmed...she is fading -TW
« on: July 07, 2019, 12:46:45 AM »
Aaand my husband broke his arm last night. He is in so much pain...

Thank you everyone for your kind words. Pray for my Magnolia that she stops suffering 😭

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