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Messages - Bix

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Therapy / Re: therapist talking to me like a child
« on: July 02, 2019, 02:14:08 PM »
Thanks Kizzie. I will see how this second session goes and bring it up if it happens again.

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Therapy / therapist talking to me like a child
« on: June 30, 2019, 04:07:14 PM »
I am trying to go back to therapy after some damaging experiences in the past.  I feel pretty burned by disastrous emdr, and trust issues with therapists.

I had an initial session, and right away remembered one of my big problems was that therapists start to use this type of voice, which sounds like they are talking to me like a child. I hate it. It drops me into this kind of dead zone where I can't think or talk, and I feel panic like something really bad is about to happen to me..... it feels very bad.

Does anyone know why therapists do this? Is it a style thing, or some therapy room technique? Is it possible to bring it up and request it is not used? Is this part of therapy? I hope I'm making sense.

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Therapy / Re: Emdr not clinically indicated for cptsd?
« on: June 30, 2019, 03:42:32 PM »
I'll be the voice of negative experience.  EMDR was done in therapy with me, and all it did was make me very unbalanced, hypervigilent, headaches, prone to dissociation, nightmares, agoraphobic. My therapist and I thought we were going slow, but it was never cathartic for me. I had dread going to  therapy. She was a specialist trauma therapist, and so I believed that this was the process and I had to trust her and just "go through" it to beat it.  But I can see now she was not reading my signs and just moving ahead whe it was very harmful. I have since learned EMDR is potentially very upsetting and harmful if not done after perhaps years of grounding. Even a so called specialist can be blind to your signals. It really makes me angry at this point.

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I sort of underatand why just not responding is a preferred way to go nc, as I did it just last year.  It was impossible for me to deal with what happened, to even just bring up in my mind that 'this was painful, they are still abusive'. But I still  realized I needed lots of distance,

In my experience though, my narc parents, who neglected me, barely had contact, didn't even invite me to family events, started hounding me when they realized I wasnt responding. They even showed up on my doorstep from across the entire country unannounced.  It felt horrifying to me.

 All to say, if I had to do it again, I would just make a simple email to say you don't want ANY communication for an undetermined amount of time, you will not be responding to anything further. Then block em and txt.  You may run the risk of an in person confrontation, and tons of stress, like I got,  just trying to avoid all their various manipulations to do what they want as you buck the family system.

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Kizzie, this speaks to me a lot.  I can see how it may be a younger self that is struggling...I really appreciate the feedback.

Thank you Rudi...."sitting with it" is a thing I keep hearing about. Maybe I'll try to work with that today.

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General Discussion / Re: leaving the work force - ?
« on: June 26, 2019, 05:35:55 PM »
I was struck by your list of accommodations, as I have also put together such a list! 

Have you seen the new workplaces for people on the Autism spectrum??  It looks like HEAVEN.  I would love to work in this kind of work environment.   A past therapist actually "diagnosed" me with Autism, but she was just misreading dissociation and flooding in therapy. 

I do sometimes wonder if there isn't a way I couldn't qualify for workplace disability needs.   There is a young man in my office building (arts related)  that is Autism special needs, and because of that, he has a closed in, sound controlled space.   

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General Discussion / help and education needed about death anxiety
« on: June 26, 2019, 05:23:47 PM »
Hello everyone, I'm new here.  I am also about 2 years in to learning about my symptoms and what cptsd is about.  I have derealization dissociation a lot when I get stressed.

I have a question about anxiety about death.  I am not sure what kind of symptom this is...hyper vigilance?  I sought out this forum because I go through periods where I am certain I am about to die shortly.  Like I only have a few weeks left.  Or, if I depersonalize, I think the truth is that I died a long time ago, and I am a ghost just trying to figure out that I died and will shortly move on.

I had a dream a couple months ago that my recently deceased grandma came to me and told me she was taking me "home" after a car accident I was going to have.  She said the "big day" was going to be 6/28, this Friday. :'(  I've had bad dreams all week about it, dreams about taking a "big sleep for 100 years", funeral dreams, I see caskets.... something feels like it's going haywire.

I'm trying not to freak out, but it is unfortunately actually getting to me. I feel like it's real, but I'm trying to understand it's anxiety, somehow related to cptsd. 

I guess I'm trying to educate myself about this kind of anxiety and nightmares to help myself ground.  Any ideas how this relates to cptsd???

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This term "foreshortened" future is interesting.  Also your quote hit me like a ton of bricks.

I came to this board because I have a constant sense that I'm about to die shortly.  I wonder if this fits the definition.

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I was going to say, headphones help me get through something that is likely to set me off for dissociation. Glad you already know about it! 

I was real interested to see you mentioned betablockers.  When I first heard of them, they sounded like a good idea to me.  Do you find they help with stopping dissociation?

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Introductory Post / Introduction today
« on: June 26, 2019, 04:49:54 PM »
Hi I am new here today. I found this board because I am trying to connect more with people who also have cptsd. I am part of a pretty good online community for healing wounds from childhood, but I am finding that some of my symptoms seem a little intense for this other board. I wanted to find a community where some of my particular problems are more commonly understood. 
Thanks!

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