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I can fully relate to this. My childhood was completely dysfunctional. I got into a bad relationship as a very young teen with an adult that started my sexual dysfunction and triggered memories of abuse as a young child by family members. I moved into another relationship with another adult (my mom was recently widowed and payed no attention to me) who stalked me and made me feel like I was crazy. I ended up pregnant and forced into marriage with him. He is an alcoholic/addict with personality disorder. He does not allow me to work, have friends, see family, etc...I have learned tools recently like grey rock method and detachment and boundaries that are helping me heal. When I have told my story to a therapist, I think they cannot believe me. Like all the pieces and parts of my story are just too much. But it is all real. And I hate telling people because I think they cannot believe it. It sounds like a bad b movie or some novel that is written out of order.
I even laugh sometimes when things start coming up in my mind....I know that is how I compartmentalize these memories. I wont try therapy again because it just triggers me more than ever. I prefer to come to these boards and see that I am not alone in my struggles and that other people are out there walking around thinking the things that I am thinking....

First, I will say that I am so glad I found this place to land my tired soul. I found this forum through the OOTF group and I have been reading and reading (as a guest) before I mustered up the courage to post. On the ACE test, I scored a 7. I wish that I could find an abuse scoring test for adults but I guess that is perspective and more complicated based on childhood exposure.
My FOO is your typical dysfunctional lot. I am the "dirty little secret" that everyone knows but no one acknowledges. I was born out of wedlock when my mom was a teenager. My mom married when I was 2 and I never knew my biological dad. When I was young, my step-dad passed away tragically. About a month afterwards, my mom told me that he was not my real dad and I didn't need to keep crying and taking attention away from my younger siblings. I heard horror stories of my bio dad and never sought him out. Now that I am an adult, I choose not to make a connection out of fear of the unknown.
Enter my uNPDh and his family. From day 1, he stalked me. He controlled my life. I chalked this up to "love" because I had never known a real good man and woman relationship. (Most of my FOO had been divorced or had very tumultuous relationships.) I became pregnant as a teen (history repeats itself). NPDFIL came to my mom's home about 2 weeks after baby was born and told me I was moving in with h (at that time bf) and that what I wanted was not important that I needed to do what was best for the family. I heard this line so many times over the next 20+ years. What's best for the family just meant what NPDFIL thought was best. We got married because it was best for the family, I forgave cheating because it was best for the family, I had more kids because it was best for the family. I excused a DUI because it was "best". I excused drinking, violence, emotional and financial abuse, verbal insults...the list is long...until one day, I stepped OOTF. It was scary and bright. I realized I could say NO. The consequences were loss of Narcissistic Power. I cut off the negative supply. Then the fleas started to multiply on my uNPDh. It was only then...25+ years into our rollercoaster relationship that I realized that he was a NPD too!
I am here to find hope at getting the pieces of my life back. I wish only to restore my own sanity and provide my children with the tools they need to not get stuck in this cycle. Thank you all for your posts. I read them and find life there. My peace I give to you in hopes that I will find some in your reflection.