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Messages - Snowdrop

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1
Recovery Journals / Re: Snowdrop's new journal
« on: February 01, 2023, 08:07:28 PM »
Thank you, Not Alone, for your outrage on my behalf, it helps. I also appreciate your care and support. :grouphug:

I'm so glad you liked reading about the interactions I've had, Hope. The parts and my Self love the hugs. :grouphug:

=====

All is still going well. The parts I've been working with seem settled. Some of them have faded into the background and are far less prominent. The researcher part who spontaneously unburdened has been doing brilliantly.

I've had good results from being in my Self more. Something happened that is usually triggering, but this time it wasn't particularly. I've also been getting on well with my parents without parts getting activated. I think my increase in Self energy has meant their Self energy has also been stronger, so they've had fewer activated parts as well.

2
Recovery Journals / Re: The Next Version Of Me
« on: February 01, 2023, 07:51:09 PM »
 :wave: :grouphug:

3
Recovery Journals / Re: Not Alone: 2022
« on: January 29, 2023, 05:28:30 PM »
I relate to the "don't leave marks". I get how triggering things are right now.

I don't know if this is relevant or helpful, Not Alone, but I remember you posting here when T told you H was avoidant. I'm glad your niece gave you affirmation about the rest of the family.

I'm glad you're doing better now. There with you, sending support and care regardless of internet. :grouphug:

4
Conferences/Courses / Re: Free event: Trauma Super Conference 2023
« on: January 28, 2023, 03:02:11 AM »
Yes! I found the one last year useful: https://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=14629.0

Here's the agenda for this year:

Day 1: Impacts of trauma
Day 2: Methodologies for healing trauma part 1
Day 3: Collective trauma
Day 4: Relational trauma
Day 5: Trauma and the body
Day 6: Methodologies for healing trauma part 2
Day 7: Functional medicine

If you sign up, you get immediate access to some of the sessions.

5
Recovery Journals / Re: Milkandhoney's revovery journal
« on: January 27, 2023, 07:40:22 PM »
That sounds awful, M&H. I'd feel anxious and vulnerable in that situation as well, along with all sorts of other things.

I agree with Armee. You have every right to set boundaries, protect yourself and keep yourself safe.

Is there anything you can do to bring comfort to yourself? A hot drink or a soft blanket perhaps? :hug:

6
Recovery Journals / Re: Snowdrop's new journal
« on: January 27, 2023, 07:32:21 PM »
Rainy, when I first started bonding with the cat, I used to think of you and yours. It's lovely having her around, and she's currently curled up asleep on me. :hug:

=====

I slept better than normal last night. I took a Bach Flower Remedy blend before going to bed, which I think helped.

I had a nightmare about where I used to work. The events in the nightmare didn't happen in real life, but the underlying misogyny was. When I was alert enough to know I was dreaming, I realised that it felt related to parts. I thanked the parts for sharing with them and told them I was there with them.

I've checked in with the parts I'm currently working with, and everything seems fine.

7
Recovery Journals / Re: looking for relief
« on: January 27, 2023, 04:01:23 PM »
We've got you, dear San.
 :grouphug: :bighug: :grouphug:

8
Conferences/Courses / Free event: Trauma Super Conference 2023
« on: January 27, 2023, 03:09:20 PM »
This year's Trauma Super Conference is running February 13th to 19th. You can find out more about it and sign up for free here:
https://www.consciouslife.com/conferences/tsc-3

9
Poetry & Creative Writing / Re: Trapped
« on: January 27, 2023, 01:42:08 AM »
 :bighug:

10
Recovery Journals / Re: looking for relief
« on: January 26, 2023, 07:54:20 PM »
You're safe, San. I have blanket of care to put round your shoulders.
 :bighug:

11
Recovery Journals / Re: Snowdrop's new journal
« on: January 26, 2023, 06:11:03 PM »
Hope, Papa Coco and Armee: your thoughtful replies yesterday really helped me. Thank you so much. :grouphug:

Hope, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your compassion. Your words and the hug helped me and my parts feel heard, wanted and cared for. I missed you too. :hug:

Papa Coco, thank you for spelling out so clearly why her behaviour came across as narcissistic. I found that helpful because it helped to clarify why the hurtful things were so hurtful. I think part of it was a sense of shock and betrayal as well because H and I had helped her a lot in the past. Thank you. :hug:

Armee, thank you for the validation and your thoughts on what happened. I think you're right when you say anyone I'd want to be friends with would likely see past her and know which one is not like the others. My parts appreciated the hug and being told they did a good job. It helped them unblend. :hug:

=====

Yesterday was quite hard, so I decided to take the afternoon off and rest under a weighted blanket. I had company in the form of a lovely fluffy cat. She's not my cat -- she lives a few houses away -- but she comes round to see me every day and I adore her.

I've been ok today.

This afternoon I decided to journey to check up on the parts I've been working with recently. I decided to include the polarised pair I've spoken about the past couple of days.

I first met a part who's been making me dissociate. She said she's been doing it to stop me being overwhelmed. I told her I understood and thanked her, which she appreciated. I offered an alternative solution, which was for me to help heal the parts so she wouldn't need me to dissociate. Also I can listen to parts without them overwhelming me. She thought this sounded good, and agreed to ease off

The protector for the part who spontaneously unburdened had wandered off into the background. When I found her again, she was happy.

The part who spontaneously unburdened was also happy. She's loving her researcher role. I asked if there were any gifts she wanted, there were, so I gave them to her. This made her look brighter.

The part who helped me leave my job is fine, and had also wandered off into the background. I thanked her for her help, and told her how right she'd been. She appreciated me valuing her.

The part who had taken on F's energy was also doing well. She was delighted with the part she was protecting and is happy with her progress. She also told me that she can't give up her role just yet because she's involved with other parts as well; these parts can wait, there's nothing urgent. She seems to have a good relationship with my Self.

The tiny part who'd been dressed as a boy was happily running round wearing fairy wings. I went into the past with her for a do-over. During the do-over, F told her he loved her and valued her as she was. He hugged her and gave her a shiny tiara to wear. She started running round a meadow chasing butterflies, and I left her in a safe space being looked after by fairies.

I met the polarised parts last.

The part who's wary of people welcomed being validated by friends here. I told her I understood why she felt the way she did. She appreciated this. She was a lot less intense than she's been the past couple of days.

The part who felt so hurt by the neighbour also appreciated being validated by friends here. I told her that it made a lot of sense that she felt hurt. She said she'd felt betrayed. She'd thought the neighbour was safe. She also said that she's carrying wounds that go back to other situations. We agreed that she wouldn't overwhelm me, and she'd only let it out in tiny amounts to help with that. I told her that if I'm not overwhelmed, my Self can be with her so has connection and isn't isolated. She loved that and we hugged.

All the parts I saw today were willing to accept love from my Self.

12
Recovery Journals / Re: Snowdrop's new journal
« on: January 25, 2023, 09:37:56 AM »
Today it feels right to voice something that happened last year while I was away from the forum. It hurt the polarised parts I mentioned yesterday.

It was in the summer. By this point, I'd started sitting outside and doing gentle exercises when it was warm enough to help me get better. I'd see my neighbour go past sometimes, and I'd call out hello if I knew she was there, but didn't get a reply. She genuinely might not have seen or heard me, or maybe she didn't want to.

In the summer I walked out the door when she was going past. I said hello and she stopped. She said she hadn't seen me in a long time, how was I? She said "everyone" had been talking about me, they hadn't seen me around for a long time. I explained I'd been ill. She minimised it. She said again "everyone" had been talking about me and wondering where I'd got to. She said she'd told them that I liked keeping to myself and didn't want to see anyone, "she's not like us". She again minimised my illness, and said "everyone" was talking about me.

It's upsetting to write about this. I'd reached a point where I felt more able to go out and see people. This episode pushed me right back. The minimising. The othering. I felt gossiped about, which felt threatening. If "everyone" had been so concerned about my whereabouts, why did nobody approach me and ask? And telling people I didn't want anything to do with them? That made things so much harder. Maybe that's why nobody seemed to care?

I told H, and he wondered if it was just a poor choice of words. I told a friend and he thought it was horrid. Regardless of intent, it was horrid.

The part who wants to be heard feels better for me writing this, and has now unblended with me. The part who thinks being seen and heard is a threat also feels better for me writing this, and feels some compassion for the other part.

13
Recovery Journals / Re: Not Alone: 2022
« on: January 25, 2023, 06:33:31 AM »
I remember reading the journal entry that's gone missing. I'm glad you were able to talk to your T. I'm glad he understood. :grouphug:

14
Recovery Journals / Re: Armee's Journal - A New Chapter
« on: January 25, 2023, 06:20:32 AM »
Seeing the damage is hard and painful, Armee. What you went through was such an awful betrayal. As you say, seeing it is on the path to fixing it.

I'm glad you felt better yesterday. :hug:

It makes a lot of sense that there are parts who run away. I get it. I'd like to offer them care and compassion if that feels OK.

15
Announcements / Re: Server Migration Jan 24, 2023
« on: January 24, 2023, 05:38:59 PM »
 :thumbup: :applause:

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