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Messages - Rainstorm11

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Other / Re: Objectification
« on: January 05, 2020, 06:46:23 PM »
Thank you Kizzie and notalone
I needed that support. I didn't think the apology could be separated from the pity he felt. I see him on one hand as a controlling narcissist. On the other hand he's very awkward. I need time and therapy now that I have made these connections and stopped avoiding the truth.

Other / Objectification
« on: January 05, 2020, 06:27:45 AM »
Hello. Ironically my mother encouraged me to confront my father about objectifying me and others. He replied sorry and said he never knew he was doing that. But then he got upset and talked about avoiding everyone and just being alone. To me he made himself the victim and I felt his apology wasn't sincere? He was so constantly inappropriate I lived in total anxiety and fear. I don't believe he had no idea what he did. Please let me know what you think?

Hello. I have felt some progress with depression but not anxiety the nervousness, shakiness, nightmares, et c. Increased as the depression inked down.
I suffer ongoing almost daily verbal abuse from a fam member. That person suffers emotional and financial abuse from their spouse.
I am dependent for various issues. I fear regularly this person will act on their threats to move away which would leave me destitute. My anxiety is all over the place.
Thank you for reading.

Successes, Progress? / Re: No longer meeting the criteria for CPTSD
« on: October 20, 2019, 03:43:59 AM »
Bravo! So happy for you!

General Discussion / Re: Personality Disorder of victim
« on: October 08, 2019, 09:34:55 AM »
Thank you
It's hard to be in limbo.

General Discussion / Personality Disorder of victim
« on: October 08, 2019, 06:52:28 AM »
Recently in therapy it has been suggested that due to the traumas I might have borderline personality disorder? I've read about it and known people diagnosed with it. But, it's been very emotional especially since I haven't had therapy for weeks cancelled on both ends.
I am left to see part of myself in this disorder and on edge. My therapist cancelled this week but I asked if she can see me another time. I feel like I can't talk to anyone else about it.

I hear you. I appreciate your journey has and is difficult.

Eating Issues / Re: Issues with Over/Under Eating - Part 3
« on: August 03, 2019, 07:21:56 PM »
No reason to do that at all.

I am sorry for our struggles. It's very hard. I have had EMDR before. I never knew it benefits eating disorders. That's great info. It took me near 30 years of my life before I felt ok in my body thin, medium or overweight. I Believed holding on to hatred of my body was fueling the disorders. So I decided to try and be ok no matter what.

I think that dynamic is totally dysfunctional and cruel. It's visiting the negativity of the parent on the children. I am sorry you went through that and feel bad when your sister perpetuates it. Body shapes and types are fine and individual. Like not collective where women can be lumped together. I am glad too that you haven't had eating disorders. They are difficult. Family criticism and trauma certainly contributed to mine. I was given so many mixed messages.
That being said maybe finding a variety of ways to self-sooth and self-talk that dispels family negativity.
I wish you all the best!

Eating Issues / Re: Issues with Over/Under Eating - Part 3
« on: August 03, 2019, 12:34:25 PM »

I understand what you are saying and appreciate your sharing what you learned. The good news is I have low cholesterol, not diabetes, a healthy heart...
I do understand being overweight has many effects on the body. I also want to say that over-eating, dieting et c. are not necessarily an eating disorder but that I am diagnosed with binge eating disorder as recognized psychologically.
It Is very complex. I appreciate the encouragement. I have a lot of therapeutic work to go through.
Being overweight also carries a lot of stigma and restricts activities at times. But, again it's complex, a recognized eating disorder. I don't want to binge. I need help to recover which I am seeking.

Eating Issues / Re: Issues with Over/Under Eating - Part 3
« on: August 02, 2019, 11:00:04 PM »
*****Trigger Warning eating disorders*****

I only recently realized my eating disorders were are related to trauma. I had talked to several others who also had anorexia then bulimia and later binge eating disorder. Now I tend to either miss meals and restrict or binge. I have over-ate most of my life.
I get triggered easily by doctors and people commenting on my weight. I feel various ways about my weight and one is acceptance. My therapist supposedly specialized in eating disorders although therapy and self-help haven't worked neither journaling et c.
I am trying to get better but don't care about my size. Other people impose their views. I try not to listen but get triggered.

Sexual Abuse / Re: Defining sexual abuse ****TW***
« on: August 02, 2019, 09:53:51 AM »

It does help. I read some articles as was suggested. The most ironic thing was if someone else came to me with his actions I would have said SA. But I hesitated with me.
It was harder to admit that to myself. I am sorry you and others went through it too. My family perpetuated the abuse and neglect by getting mad at me when I went off on him.
I am grateful to the people of this forum. I feel validated. I have been getting more memories but I feel stronger and just know he was wrong and he set me up essentially for more victimization. His SA and grooming I think made me more susceptible.

Sexual Abuse / Re: Defining sexual abuse ****TW***
« on: August 02, 2019, 02:07:04 AM »
Thank you notalone.

Sexual Abuse / Re: Defining sexual abuse ****TW***
« on: August 02, 2019, 12:09:37 AM »
Tee  :hug:

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