Messages

Welcome Windsoar!

Welcome Dee! I hope you're able to find what you're looking for here. Everyone seems really great. 

Thank you Feral Child and Three Roses for the encouraging words. It's very terrifying always wondering "what if they somehow find out I post on here and come back again". I realize that is very unlikely given how long it's been but I learned my lesson about assuming anything with these guys. No such thing as completely safe unfortunately. Anyway that's just one of my fears about being on here.

How do people like that even find each other? How does something like that just happen to come up in conversation? Those questions I think will haunt me forever.

Sorry, like I said before, I'm not doing well right now and apparently my thoughts are very scattered!

Again thank you for the kind words.

Sending you my prayers OSUJH! I'm so glad you asked about EMDR, I have been terrified to try that. It sounds like you are so brave for sharing and moving forward. 

Thank you both for your replies. I did actually just very very recently find a therapist. I can’t say we have really done anything yet. I have a very hard time saying out loud what they did but I did write some stuff. The first time is easier to talk about than the rest.

Hi everyone, I've never done anything like this and I'm really in a bad place right now so please excuse mistakes I may make here.

I have such a long, odd history, it's very hard to put in a few paragraphs. I've also only told a handful of people so dumping even all the "main points" is kinda terrifying.

Okay, I guess technically I was a child when it started but I really don't consider it child abuse/sexual assault as he/they were the nearly the same age as me. I had just turned 13, he was a "boyfriend" that I had just gotten into a big argument with days prior. He wanted me to sneak out for a romantic walk in the moonlight. (Obviously I didn't realize at the time I was way too young for romance). Anyway, I told him my bedroom window was broken and very easy to get out of. We met up, he blindfolded me because he had a surprise for me. He led me quite a ways to what I assume was his house.  Leaving graphic details out, it didn't end well for me.

That's how it all started. I had to see him at school that next fall. It was awful. I didn't tell anyone for a year. When the one year "anniversary" came around I finally broke and told 2 of my friends. I will share more details later on but basically he came back with 2 of his friends and they sexually attacked me again twice a month apart. One of the two friends also went to school with us but I think the third guy was a bit older.

After that I didn't see the older guy again but the former boyfriend and the friend that favored the knife continued to mess with in various ways for many many years after that. I think in total they got me for maybe 10 yrs or so. Some of the things they did during that time were as bad or worse it seems on my flashbacks than the 3 actual attack times.

I know really this started as a child but none of it ever made me think child abuse so no idea where to go after this.