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Indeed it is!

I have felt like I have thought through the issues and many years ago predicted what would occur and it happened. Those who have caused it got a terrible shock when they learnt I am an investigator of adult bullying and had took official action over being waylaid by a thug at a funeral telling me they were upset over my presence in the area.

Oddly the Police support my evidence based approach coupled with my desire to find a just solution. They now really are stumped. I stood my ground and insisted that in the absence of remorse and no honest conversation that all links must be severed. It was the only solution that was wise, it also negated any challenge that can be made as to being unreasonable.

 

Thank you both,

Yes you are correct Butterfly, that is exactly what how to apply.

Yesterday I attended this lecture by my good friend Adrian Melia, his subject was recovery.

http://bullyonline.org/recovering/recovering_from_workplace_bullying.htm

BeHealthy,

Thanks for your comments, that is how I felt it.

"In having to deal with and exclude those with glaring self evident PD undesirable traits, the best way to protect ones mental health is to treat yourself to 'No Contact', it really does work. But that journey of realisation cannot be forced it is only discovered by self reflection." 

Excellent question Kizzie,

I call them states rather than individuals all part of I guess the team, as the child part is definitely badly damaged he needs to be protected by the parent, if I am caught by surprise or triggered the child is the one that leaps out and that I have learnt to put direct into freeze mode until the adult and parent can decide what to do. When confronted as I was at the funeral I was incandescent with rage but managed somehow to hold it together long enough to cope but collapsed in distress later and that caused my adult and parent to confer and decide that a bigger parent authority figure was required to assert the solution as the NPD woman had clearly ignored my adult side and attacked the child.

My specialist remarked that she was amazed that I was able to work all this out under severe stress and not lash out. Mind I am told my eyes look like fire!

Yes that sounds about right your adult/parent teaching the child. BTW the creatures are for the inner child and the Dolphin is a child parent (She is in charge of looking after everything, but is only a trainee) and the Hedgehog the Child Adult and it is an outlet for the inner child and that makes the learning fun.

I find that when I am having a dystopian transaction the attack is always against the boy, they seem to be fearful of the parent especially.

I have told many of my condition with mixed results. I suppose the secret was forced by legal action more than a conscious choice. I wish I could explain things better but I find that I am unable to supply an understanding.

an unset letter I wrote after a good friend raised the issue. It took this to overcome the issue. Remember I have Legal Abuse Syndrome and my letters reflect that factor. I am okay with comments.

Dear xyz,

I have been approached on your behalf, to be friendly and understanding. Not sure if this is from you directly, but if it did then read on else stop reading, as it is irrelevant and will not help you in any way. 

I thought I had been by not being around and absorbing a great deal that you have not been made aware of. I am of course aware of the difficult situation you have been in even though I said nothing I did know what some of what those wider issues were, and had known them for many years. Indeed why I had originally left the village. I think you may all forgot I investigate behaviour.

From my perspective all was judged on the confirmation of a message.

A miscalculation based on the simple assumption that a message was intercepted and this I believe now was a false assumption. Problems arose from that simple factual deception. Either the message was intercepted or I had been deceived. Why this occurred may be justifiable but sadly had a large unforeseen affect later. I was disappointed at this but I forgave it a long time ago, though I admit it still hurts a great deal to this day.

It therefore placed me in an untenable position once I became aware of the situation three months later and I started the long road of damage limitation for both of us, by neutralising the book and issuing an apology via your sister to hopefully initiate a reciprocal one from yourself in time. You did not see the wisdom of this course of action, it was a tough ask so no problem there either. It was worth making the effort in my opinion.

I concluded that no further good could come from papering over these glaring 'misunderstanding'. We had tried that approach years before but it was plain that that had not really worked. I needed you to arrive at that conclusion for yourself, after one year I gave up waiting and walked away. 

I have done my best and cannot see I could have been more understanding and patient about all this. So the intervention is not really a relevant issue.

I wrote this a couple of years ago, it is only one part of the whole book, that I have worked on as part of my recovery. There are 49 and just waiting for the illustrations. I found I wrote a great deal and even the name 'Linden' harks back to a time of innocence, I lived in a road of the same name! It was subconscious and the specialist thinks it is significant. Some are to dark to include.

~ Linden's Men of Flanders ~

Many hand shire dray, snorts linden chill,
Firing twin spirals & swirls mist high.
The tremble & thunder as barrels fall.
Echoes to nightmares of the foreign foe,
The pond, where no man can land,
Or deep crater where the mine blown.
A soldier feels the bandage of valour,
And his head shakes, blurring vision,
Another bound to a chair, marches there.
A whistle sounds out the morning mess,
They cannot fight or retreat no more,
The Flanders soldiers cannot cry in fear.
Linden Edward Hall nurse, can not see,
She knows not where mined trenches be.

BeHealthy,

I am sorry to hear about the diagnosis, I am not the best on juicer specs but Ebay might be a place to find a bargain.

This is something that comes from another discipline called Pathological Science. It is something that I have adapted to help think through situations, it is not bullet proof but I have found it helpful as I have a scientific education.:-

"One way confusion can enter a scientist's thinking involves disruption of the natural conceptual progression through four categories of ideas, ranked in decreasing order of surprisal. For convenience, we can refer to these as the paradigm's four Ps:


•The possible comprises all ideas that do not violate the most basic and global principles of science (e.g., the second law of thermodynamics; fundamental conservation laws).


•The plausible describes ideas that are clearly possible and would be tenable if we could envision circumstances under which they could be tested. (In the case of "polywater" or polymerized H2O molecules, discussed in more detail below, there was no a priori reason why a chemical reaction yielding such a substance could not occur and move downhill in potential energy, as any reaction must; the idea was implausible but not impossible.)


•The probable describes "normal science" as Kuhn used the term: incremental explorations that apply a paradigm and may extend its scope but do not threaten to overturn it. Science regularly makes orderly incursions into the realm of the unknown, expanding what is known without raising an eyebrow over the probability of the results.


•The proven applies to unsurprising exercises in puzzle-solving, te routine application of known principles, working firmly within a stable paradigm. Much of scientific education takes place here, though student work is fully capable of venturing into the other areas.


"The borders separating these ideas--particularly the line between the first two--are not as clear in practice as in theory, especially when a result is of interest to two or more distinct specialties. A high-surprisal hypothesis may appear impossible from one vantage point, while a different field's paradigm makes it clear that the hypothesis is well within the realm of the possible and merely stretches the limits of plausibility or probability. But only after an idea has run the scientific community's gauntlet--surviving rigorous experimental and interpretive efforts to falsify it--can it be said to move from questions of possibility to a probable or proven status. Pathological science occurs when an investigator cuts this process short, prematurely trading in scrutiny for advocacy.

Rousseau : 'It is a sort of folly to remain wise amidst those who are mad"

BBC 37 Days : "Sometimes one has to forget what one thinks is real, and accept what is staring you in the face: Austria does not want peace but a war in the Balkans!".

It just seemed a metaphor for so many things besides WW!. Found the whole drama full of nuggets.

Excellent question and I have found that I have three states of mind that correspond with transactional analysis theory.

I have the broken inner child that must never be given the controls and when I spot that little boy I tend to find my anxiety levels rise and now that I can spot him try to select the 'Freeze' option until I can get one of the other states back in charge.

The second is parent mode, though I have no children, the cuddlers do not count, is quite firm with childish and bullying behaviours, it is where my ethical and social responsibility reside and I have many times relied on this state to take charge. It is also where my EQ works well and I am able to give emotional support. This is where I am at my best as it is very decisive once my adult has processed a least harm solution.

Third is my Adult self that interacts in a sequential and rational way, when in this mode I am able to sort the irrational thoughts but he does like to ruminate and likes a lot of information. It can take months to ruminate.

I have found my abusers hone in on the inner child. Maybe it is something that they do as after all they are 'Children pretending to be adults'. I think understanding which state is involved does help eradicate the abusers thoughts and suggestions.

From a male perspective who has similar issues around the body and eating I would like to chip here.

My eating or lack of which is more the case is related directly to an avoidance strategy to ending up in a bad relationship based on appearance not my soul. It manifests acutely when I have an EF moment and it can take up to three days to eat again. This is reverse logic is a strange and it is my mind believing that too thin is unattractive. It also is the last refuge of control when all nothing else is. My BMI currently is around 15 way to low, and of course makes matters worse dealing with society in general. I have the situation that my Social Anxiety is sometimes Social Exclusion.

The juxtaposition between craving tactile contact and fearing getting emotionally abused is quite a conundrum. I have now acquired this trait of not being able to take the male lead and it has dogged me for many years. I noticed that writing poetry books is another avoidance tactic. It is difficult to trust when you have been betrayed and the body does suffer. I value the content of the mind and heart rather than looks maybe to much but it is safer another hurdle to overcome.

I would try massage but maybe the key is finding the right person as always. I hope that makes sense.

Andy T,

I really like the 'moral compass' and the strong set of core values. Wonder if there is a gene for 'whistleblowing' in the DNA?

BeHealthy,

More a nurture than nature on that one. I remember a board meeting of Freedom to Care and sitting amongst eight other whistleblowers and they all had the same characteristic shared core values. All different issues but all came from the same root. Talked a lot about hyper-vigilance and hyper-sensitivity. Always remembering that there is a lot of incompetence great inoculator to grand conspiracies.